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Let's Laugh At The Sad Alt-Lite Convention That No One Showed Up To!

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This week, some of the worst humans on the planet gathered together for the very first American Priority Conference in Washington, DC. What the hell is that, you ask? It's like CPAC, but like, for the people who were too terrible to even be at CPAC. People like Laura Loomer, Stefan Molyneux, Jack "Bumble Jack" Posobiec and Mike Cernovich.

There was a screening of Cernovich's definitely terrible movie "Hoaxed," some kind of talk about "MAGA" from Pastor Mark Burns, Laura Loomer talking about "Citizen Journalism," a "Lipstick and Liberty" luncheon with Katrina Pierson and three other ladies I've never heard of, what must have been a truly hilarious and extremely short forum on "Arts and Culture on the Right" with Lucian "Too Dumb For Gateway Pundit" Wintrich, and all kinds of other exciting activities.

And would you believe it, practically no one showed up?



Politico estimates that there were about 2-3 dozen attendees at any given event, and judging by the pictures, that seems... quite generous.

Via Politico:

Just days after Loomer attracted worldwide attention by handcuffing herself to Twitter's headquarters in protest of her banishment from the platform — a setback she has compared to the Holocaust — she spoke to a nearly empty room. After a reporter for The Daily Beast tweeted a photo highlighting the low attendance, Loomer commiserated in the hallway with a conference attendee about "retarded" left-wing reporters and also complained about "self-loathing Jew" George Soros.

Conference participants mostly blamed their problems on the poor planning of conference organizers. "If you're going to ask people to expend resources to attend the conference, you should ensure the conference will be well-attended," said Molyneux, who decided to ditch his planned Thursday speaking appearance after seeing how few people were present.

It was kind of like Stella Dallas' daughter's birthday party, except instead of no one showing up because their moms thought Barbara Stanwyck was a hussy, no one showed up because it just was not actually a good idea.

One person who did show up, however, was noted embarrassing person Anthony Scaramucci, who on Friday hosted something called "Coffee With Mooch." During this event, he was caught chatting up some QAnon devotees, and reportedly "spoke glowingly" of the weird ass internet conspiracy theory to some Q-obsessed couple, saying that "been dead accurate about so many things," and telling them "When you find out who he is, you're not going to believe it." You know, because surely if "Q" were real, some dude who worked at the White House for exactly five minutes would have been let in on who it was.

He later denied that he has said any such thing:

At "coffee with Mooch" on Friday morning, the former White House communications director, seemingly unaware of the presence of a nearby reporter, spoke glowingly of the theory as a couple from Stafford, Va., showed him their "Q" paraphernalia. (Q is the otherwise anonymous author of the QAnon theory.)

Approached immediately afterward by POLITICO, Scaramucci said his comments were not referring to Q and instead referred to an earlier conversation he had had with the couple about who would succeed John Kelly as Trump's chief of staff. Then Scaramucci said that his comments should be taken off the record and a conference organizer said the event was closed to the press.

Moments later in the room next door, Kathy Miroy, 58, and her husband, Steve, 66, said they had not spoken earlier to Scaramucci about Kelly or about anything else. "He's talking about Q," Kathy Miroy confirmed.

To be fair, I do not consider it entirely outside the realm of possibilities that an Italian-American guy was not paying an ounce of attention to anything the couple was saying and was simultaneously having his own conversation with them about whoever was going to replace John Kelly. I have seen this movie before. I'm not saying that's what happened, but I will say that I would not fall down dead were that the case.

Why did it fail so miserably? Why did no one come? Was it because it ran from Thursday to Saturday, which is honestly a pretty weird schedule for a conference like that? Was it because these people just can't attract a decent size crowd? Was it too expensive?

Tickets started at $165, which does seem like a lot of money to pay to hear Laura Loomer yell some more about how Twitter is murdering her first amendment rights by banning her from the site for tweeting a bunch of horrendous lies about a Muslim member of Congress. Especially when you can see that shit for free on the internet.

But maybe, just maybe, the target audience for this bullshit just isn't as enthusiastic as they used to be.


EMPTY CHAIRS AT EMPTY TABLES (Les Misérables) - Michael Ball www.youtube.com

[Politico]

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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OOH BOY HOWDY, The Federalist is on fire this week! Just this morning we told you about the hilarious Federalist column where one neo-Nazi's mom and dad are Democrats, ipso facto QED NEO-NAZIS ARE THE REAL LIBERALS, FUCKERS! Is America's dumbest woman whose name doesn't rhyme with Cara Snailin' over there being a total fuckin' Mollie Hemingway right now? Sadly, she blocked us on Twitter, so how could we possibly know? The answer is WE DON'T CARE.

But now we have a gem of the Federalist genre, an article written by a whiny-ass gay quisling conservative, who would like to chew on his blankie and whine about how much harder it is out there for a conservative than it is for a gay person. This is a subject we happen to have some knowledge about, because we are super gay! And we know a lot about conservatives, both firsthand -- being subjected to them every single one of our almost four decades of life -- and also from covering extremist right-wing Christians for a very long time. Particularly the kind that tell young, impressionable, vulnerable gay kids that they need to pray away the gay if they want Jesus to exercise some self control and refrain from sending them to a fiery hell for all eternity.

We clicked on the article with high hopes. See if you can spot why:

Keep reading... Show less
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pic via Glamour Shots, we mean this dude's old website

The House Education and Workforce Committee was all set to have a hearing today all about the horrors that a higher minimum wage would wreak on the economy. Horrors like rich people being slightly less rich. Horrors like business owners claiming they will have to fire people and charge $15 for a McChicken if forced to pay workers a living wage, which they won't actually do because no one will buy a $15 McChicken and they would go out of business if they tried that, and they already don't hire more people than the bare minimum they can get away with. Horrors like poor people not being "motivated" to work harder and get better jobs that do not pay them an amount no human being could possibly live on.

Alas, as Politico reports, it was not to be, as committee members discovered their big witness for the hearing, San Diego State University economist Joseph Sabia (pictured above in a Glamour Shot from his archived website), was kind of a wacko.

Sabia, as it turns out, once had a blog called "No Shades Of Gray," in which he wrote many columns of an extremely homophobic and sexist persuasion. In one of these columns, in 2002, Sabia was very mad about one man's lawsuit against several fast food giants for contributing to his health and obesity problems by failing to disclose the nutritional information of the food they sold. In retrospect, I think most people are now on board with these chains being required to post calorie counts and other nutritional information, but in 2002, Sabia was convinced that requiring them to do this would be an assault on freedom for all Americans everywhere. His response to this was to try and attempt a Jonathan Swift posture and suggest taxing gay sex, which he claimed leads to "disastrous health consequences."

Because sure, that's the same thing, basically.


In gay sex, we have an activity that is clearly leading to disastrous health consequences. What rational person would engage in this sort of activity? There is only one solution - let's tax it.

"Come on, Sabia," you say, "how are you going to enforce these taxes? Are you going to send government officials to peep into everyone's bedroom?"

Eventually. But first we have to mount the assault on Big Gay (no, I am not talking about Rosie O'Donnell). We can tax gay nightclubs, websites, personal ads, sexual paraphernalia, and so forth. Talk about a sin tax!!! We can cripple gay-related industries and get them right where we want them. All gay clubs will have to feature huge, flashing warning signs like "CAUTION: Entering this nightclub may increase your chance of contracting STDs and dying."

Big Gay clearly lures people into trying their "product" without discussing the risks to mind, body, and soul. The average Joe on the street does not understand all of the possible bad outcomes. I can almost hear him now:

"They said '100 percent hotties.' I thought that meant it was fun. I thought gay sex was OK…Now I have all these diseases. Big Gay has wrecked my life."

In the immoral words of Warren G, "Regulators!! Mount up!"

EXTREME SHUDDER.

In another 2002 article, classily titled "College Girls: Unpaid Whores," Sabia laments that feminists have led college girls to stop trying to be like the Holy Virgin Mary and instead to aspire to be more like that hussy Ally McBeal.

No, really.

As women have strayed from the church, they have replaced what is holy with what is temporally pleasing. For Catholics, the model woman is Mary, the virgin Mother of God. She is beloved by the faithful for her unflappable devotion to and trust in God, her nurturing of the Son of Man, and her deep love for all humanity.

Today's college girl looks to Ally McBeal, the trollops of Sex in the City, and the floozies on Friends to set their moral compasses.

The sad truth is that college girls are so desperate to find love that they are willing to degrade themselves to get it. But true love can only be understood in the context of the Word of God. Any other notion of "love" is secular and, by definition, limited and finite.

Not only that, but instead of going to college to find a husband, they have boyfriends. Boyfriends they have S-E-X with. And sometimes, not even that. Sometimes they have sex with people just because they want to have sex with people, and not even in exchange for Valentine's Day cards or money!


Additionally, other sex-based relationships have become commonplace. In recent years, a new and disturbing arrangement known as "friends with benefits" has emerged. In this arrangement, men are not even forced to perform the normal duties of boyfriends, i.e. flowers, Valentine's Day cards, rides to the abortion clinic, etc. Instead, girls consider these guys "just friends" whom they happen to screw every now and again. No strings, no attachments, no dinners. Just sex when they feel like it.

This type of arrangement is the next logical step in the direction that young women have drifted in the last few decades. These women have become unpaid whores. At least prostitutes made a buck off of their trade. These women just give it away.

How cute! He was like the ur-incel, basically.

Anyway, following the discovery of the posts, the House Education and Workforce Committee's GOP communications director Kelley McNabb told Politico that "members were uncomfortable moving forward on the hearing." A more optimistic person might think this was a step forward, that maybe those committee members actually thought it was bad to suggest that being gay means being a disease-ridden monster or that college girls are whores, but it's probably more to avoid embarrassment than anything else. Guess they'll have to start from scratch and find a crappy economist who will tell them what they want to hear about the minimum wage but who doesn't have an embarrassing Geocities blog in their past. Good luck with that!

[Politico]

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