Let's Laugh At The Sad Alt-Lite Convention That No One Showed Up To!
This week, some of the worst humans on the planet gathered together for the very first American Priority Conference in Washington, DC. What the hell is that, you ask? It's like CPAC, but like, for the people who were too terrible to even be at CPAC. People like Laura Loomer, Stefan Molyneux, Jack "Bumble Jack" Posobiec and Mike Cernovich.
There was a screening of Cernovich's definitely terrible movie "Hoaxed," some kind of talk about "MAGA" from Pastor Mark Burns, Laura Loomer talking about "Citizen Journalism," a "Lipstick and Liberty" luncheon with Katrina Pierson and three other ladies I've never heard of, what must have been a truly hilarious and extremely short forum on "Arts and Culture on the Right" with Lucian "Too Dumb For Gateway Pundit" Wintrich, and all kinds of other exciting activities.
And would you believe it, practically no one showed up?
Politico estimates that there were about 2-3 dozen attendees at any given event, and judging by the pictures, that seems... quite generous.
Just days after Loomer attracted worldwide attention by handcuffing herself to Twitter's headquarters in protest of her banishment from the platform — a setback she has compared to the Holocaust — she spoke to a nearly empty room. After a reporter for The Daily Beast tweeted a photo highlighting the low attendance, Loomer commiserated in the hallway with a conference attendee about "retarded" left-wing reporters and also complained about "self-loathing Jew" George Soros.
Conference participants mostly blamed their problems on the poor planning of conference organizers. "If you're going to ask people to expend resources to attend the conference, you should ensure the conference will be well-attended," said Molyneux, who decided to ditch his planned Thursday speaking appearance after seeing how few people were present.
It was kind of like Stella Dallas' daughter's birthday party, except instead of no one showing up because their moms thought Barbara Stanwyck was a hussy, no one showed up because it just was not actually a good idea.
One person who did show up, however, was noted embarrassing person Anthony Scaramucci, who on Friday hosted something called "Coffee With Mooch." During this event, he was caught chatting up some QAnon devotees, and reportedly "spoke glowingly" of the weird ass internet conspiracy theory to some Q-obsessed couple, saying that "been dead accurate about so many things," and telling them "When you find out who he is, you're not going to believe it." You know, because surely if "Q" were real, some dude who worked at the White House for exactly five minutes would have been let in on who it was.
He later denied that he has said any such thing:
At "coffee with Mooch" on Friday morning, the former White House communications director, seemingly unaware of the presence of a nearby reporter, spoke glowingly of the theory as a couple from Stafford, Va., showed him their "Q" paraphernalia. (Q is the otherwise anonymous author of the QAnon theory.)
Approached immediately afterward by POLITICO, Scaramucci said his comments were not referring to Q and instead referred to an earlier conversation he had had with the couple about who would succeed John Kelly as Trump's chief of staff. Then Scaramucci said that his comments should be taken off the record and a conference organizer said the event was closed to the press.
Moments later in the room next door, Kathy Miroy, 58, and her husband, Steve, 66, said they had not spoken earlier to Scaramucci about Kelly or about anything else. "He's talking about Q," Kathy Miroy confirmed.
To be fair, I do not consider it entirely outside the realm of possibilities that an Italian-American guy was not paying an ounce of attention to anything the couple was saying and was simultaneously having his own conversation with them about whoever was going to replace John Kelly. I have seen this movie before. I'm not saying that's what happened, but I will say that I would not fall down dead were that the case.
Why did it fail so miserably? Why did no one come? Was it because it ran from Thursday to Saturday, which is honestly a pretty weird schedule for a conference like that? Was it because these people just can't attract a decent size crowd? Was it too expensive?
Tickets started at $165, which does seem like a lot of money to pay to hear Laura Loomer yell some more about how Twitter is murdering her first amendment rights by banning her from the site for tweeting a bunch of horrendous lies about a Muslim member of Congress. Especially when you can see that shit for free on the internet.
But maybe, just maybe, the target audience for this bullshit just isn't as enthusiastic as they used to be.
EMPTY CHAIRS AT EMPTY TABLES (Les Misérables) - Michael Ball www.youtube.com
Wonkette is independent and fully funded by readers like you. Click below to tip us!
Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse