Let's Liveblog Sarah Huckabee Sanders Bellyaching About Her Free Cheese Plate Like A Total Dick
Today we are having a Very Serious Conversation about how liberals are very uncivil and mean and terrible and vulgar, because a restaurant in Virginia very nicely asked Sarah Huckabee Sanders to GTFO, due to how she is an atrocious liar who works for a fascist. (The restaurant comped the cheese plates that had already been served.) Meanwhile the president is threatening 79-year-old black congresswomen on Twitter and ripping babies away from their parents and just generally being a fascist. BOTH SIDES DO IT, ISN'T THAT RIGHT, VERY SERIOUS PUNDITS?
Point is, Sarah Huckabee Sanders is doing her first White House press briefing in a week, assuming she doesn't wuss out like she always does. Will she lie? Will she cry? Will she be a sack of shit like she always is? Most importantly, has she managed to find a meal since she was kicked out of the Red Hen? We certainly hope she's managed to find a Chick-fil-A or something, as we wouldn't want Our Sarah to be forced to give a press briefing while hangry.
Let's liveblog and see what a foul asshole SHS feels like being today:
3:49: Hey, guess who's 19 minutes late! NO, GUESS. Maybe she's late because she's off getting thrown out of a restaurant. NO LUNCH FOR FASCISTS!
3:53: Oh, she is here, calling for civility and saying both sides do it. She says it is bad to say people should burn down the Red Hen, and that somebody said SHS's kids should be kidnapped. (Agree!) Also says that is the same thing as Maxine Waters saying people should push back on fascists and their enablers (like SHS) by making them feel unwelcome. Fuck you.
Then there were some words about "lowest black unemployment ever" and "Go Arkansas Razorbacks!"
3:57: "Just because you don't see a judge doesn't mean you're not receiving Due Process." This is about Trump's tweet calling for an end to the Constitution so he can treat black and brown migrant people like more shit than he already does. We question your math, Cheese Plate Grifter!
4:01: Reporter asks for clarification on Trump's statement in the Oval today that there is "progress" happening on Middle East peace. SHS says Prince Jared's taking care of it, because Prince Jared has been working on a book report on Middle East peace and it is the best book report about Middle East peace.
4:03: Hey Sarah, why you use your official Twitter account to bellyache about your cheese plate tribulations? Oh, just because it was OFFICIAL NEWS, because reporters were asking about it!
4:05: Sarah Huckabee Sanders is VERY ANGRILY LYING about how the immigration thing is the Democrats' fault. Can somebody please cancel the chicken salad she just ordered, because GET OUT OF THIS BISTRO, ASSHOLE?
4:08: LOLOLOL this dickhead just said the Trump administration isn't "walking around making up laws BECAUSE WE'RE NOT THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION."
Except, you know, that family separation law Trump and Jeff Sessions made up. The one SHS lied about a whole lot. SORRY, SANDERS, WE ARE OUT OF RATATOUILLE AND YOU WILL NEED TO LEAVE THIS BAR & GRILL AT ONCE.
4:10: SHE IS LYING ABOUT THE "LAW" TRUMP AND SESSIONS MADE UP RIGHT NOW. TWO MINUTES AFTER SHE SAID THAT NASTY DICK THING ABOUT THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION.
For the record, one law the Trump administration is not following is the Refugee Convention, to which the United States is a signatory, which means it is THE LAW.
4:12: Blah blah blah, Democrats "open borders," blah blah blah "rampant crime," she's like a walking Trump Twitter feed at this point.
4:13: Hahahahaha, Nicolle Wallace just cut into the feed to start her show, we guess because BORED WITH THIS SHIT. Let's turn on the White House feed and see if anything else good happens. (SPOILER, it won't.)
4:15: Nah, false alarm, she is OUTTA HERE.
To be fair, it's just about Happy Hour in Washington, which means it's time for SHS to go order some cocktails so that bartenders can spit in them before they serve her. BON APPETIT!
Anyway, how's about this is your OPEN THREAD and BYE FELICIA? Yes, how about let's do that.
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