Let's Liveblog Steve Bannon's Life And See If It Sends Us Into A Tailspin ... Of LOLs!
If you are like most Americans, you probably have been wondering about Steve Bannon's itinerary as we run headlong into the midterm elections. Most specifically, you probably have been wondering if this was the week he decided to take a shower, but then you stopped wondering because you figured probably not, and decided he still smells like poop and gin, THE END.
But Steve Bannon has had quite a week! Have you seen this pictures of the massive rally he threw at the Holiday Inn in North Topeka, Kansas, last night? Sorry if you spent your night "having a nice dinner" or "watching Netflix" or "having sex," because we are about to make you so jealous of Steve Bannon.
Why, just look at this crowd!
As reporter Sherman Smith noted, there were 14 people there, but then the crowd swelled all the way down to 11, and Bannon wasn't even there yet. Wonder where everybody was! If you got this text message out of nowhere, wouldn't you show up?
Whatever, it's not important. All that matters is that the president, vice-president, treasurer and sergeant at arms of Steve Bannon's fan club showed up.
Hi, Fran, other Fran, Myrtle, and Peg! You gonna get to go backstage like common VIPs when The Man gets here? PROBABLY WE BET!
By the time Bannon arrived, the crowd had exploded up to 17 (Ticketmaster probably released some surprise tickets) and Bannon was ready for action:
Bannon said some stuff, so that's awesome, including how he's intentionally hanging out with little tiny groups like this. And if "a rally of somewhere between 11 and 17" doesn't manage to turn out the GOP support needed to Keep Kansas Kool, well then at least Bannon has the memories of the North Topeka Holiday Inn.
Wonder what the AFTER PARTY was like!
Editrix Rebecca has a point!
Anyway, so that's depressing.
We're just glad Bannon was able to make it to his mid-term election bash in time, because just this past Friday, he was hauled in front of Robert Mueller's investigators again, for the third time, to tell them what he knows about his former business partner/gigantic criminal Roger Stone, what Stone knew about WikiLeaks/Russia's stolen Hillary Clinton emails, and when he knew it. Man, it's gotta suck to be called into Mueller's office THREE TIMES. Wonder if Bannon gets to go to jail too!
The investigators reportedly really want to know about that magical day, October 7, 2016, when, as if a signal had been given, WikiLeaks started releasing the emails Russia stole from Clinton campaign chair John Podesta literally an hour after the Trump "Grab them by the pussy" tape dropped. (This was also the same day the Obama administration officially accused Russia of meddling in the election.)
They also really want to know about Stone's "private interactions with senior campaign officials" about what he knew about Russia and WikiLeaks's plans. (Jonathan Chait encourages us to remember that Stone and Donald Trump are tight, so if Trump knew about it beforehand, that's ballgame on NO COLLUSION, YOU ARE THE COLLUSION.)
There are still so many questions about Roger Stone's involvement with WikiLeaks, but we assume Robert Mueller will be filling in the blanks for us soon enough, so no need to worry our little heads right now. If you're in the mood, you can hit that link above, or just read our last Wonkette post on the subject, as well as this great Washington Post timeline thingie on Roger Stone.
As for the rest of Steve Bannon's week, we imagine he pooped at least four times and maybe late at night he Googled "Why is my skin so gross?" But he got to see Robert Mueller and he got to see his fan club in Kansas and maybe he jerked off a few times too!
Man, if our week had sucked this much, we'd dissolve it in an acid-filled bathtub in Florida, just kidding no we wouldn't, because we're not Steve Bannon.
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