Let's Liveblog Trump's Day After Comey Day News Conference, About James Comey!

actual president

Oh how thrilling! Donald Trump has invited the Romanian president over for Pussgrab 'n' Chill at the White House, and they are going to do a news conference! Presumably Romania President will talk about Romania, and Trump will talk about his FLAWLESS ELECTORAL COLLEGE VICTORY against James Comey, who both COMPLETELY VINDICATED Trump during his testimony on Thursday, and also he lied the whole time. How are both of these things true? SHUT UP, YOU ARE NOT INSIDE TRUMP'S GOOD BRAIN AND YOU WOULD NOT UNDERSTAND.

So ... we will watch this thing together and find out what fresh hell Trump has to throw at us. Will he declare Comey to be an unperson? Will he yammer more about I'M GONNA SUE HIM ON HIS FACE? Yes, all of these things.

Let's go!

2:40: Hello everyone! Let us start with a poll. Do you think the Romanian president has the pee tape? (Y/N)

2:52: Oh they are here! Donald Trump has much in common with Romania. He loves freedom, has a great culture and landscape, just like Romania does, and neither he NOR Romania obstructed justice on that bad man Comey in the Oval.

2:55: Romania president appears full of joy about standing next to Trump.

Also Trump is shitting on Qatar again (which he does not know how to pronounce), which is a flip-flop on Secretary of State Rex Tillerson's position THIS MORNING, and that was a flip-flop from Trump's position three days ago.


For Christ's sake.

2:58: And now he is praising Saudi Arabia. While bitching about Qatar funding terrorism. Stupid, stupid man.

Also, he just checked NATO's bank account and he says all the countries are depositing their paychecks in there right now, and it's ALL BECAUSE OF HIM.


Trump is also bad at pronouncing "Elie Wiesel," just like he is bad at pronouncing "industry."

3:05: Romanian president is trying very, very hard to explain NATO to Trump, and to make clear that it's actually a GOOD THING for the United States and the European Union to stick together.

This is Trump right now:

And now it is time for questions from mean reporters!

3:08: Washington Times reporter: Why did you say you were vindicated by Comey when you clearly weren't? And where are the tapes, fuckhead?

Trump: No collusion! No obstruction! He's a leaker! I will tell you about the tapes I don't have sometime! North Korea problem! Middle East problem! Democrats problem! Electoral College problem! Comey vindicated me! Comey lied!


3:12: Question from Romanian reporter: Let's talk about your gay lover Russia. Some of us actually feel threatened by Russia?

Trump: Oh NOW I will commit America to NATO's Article 5. I totally forgot to do that on my entire foreign trip to NATO, because I am the world's greatest moron. Also I am not going to say a bad thing about Russia, because Putin says I'm not 'posed to.

3:14: Trump being all "funny" and asking if he should take a question from one of the FAKE NEWS networks. And he does!

Question: About pressuring Comey to kill the Flynn investigation.

TRUMP: DIDN'T DO IT. But it would be OK if I did! BUT I DIDN'T! But maybe I should have! No loyalty oath. No loyalty oath. YOU'RE THE LOYALTY OATH.

Trump reiterates that he will talk about "tapes" over a "short period of time," which means "soon" in the Trump language, and says everyone will be "very disappointed" when they hear the answer, which is obviously that he doesn't have tapes. OR he does have tapes, but he will not release them because they show he is lying and Comey is telling the truth.

Also says he's willing to going under oath in the Robert Mueller investigation.

3:17: Question from Romanian reporter: Here are some things going on in Romania that you know nothing about. Do you support them?

TRUMP: Yooge support. Tremendous support. Solid president. We know the things. You're going to win the fight you just mentioned that I cannot remember anymore.

3:19: Trump concludes the presser by explaining that the Romanians just love America, and they visit America all the time. Nicolle Wallace on MSNBC reacted by reiterating her statement from yesterday, which is that covering this president is like covering a "goat rodeo."

Also, Nicolle Wallace knows how to say "Qatar."

GOODBYE EVERYONE, IT IS OVER NOW. Tip the tip jar just below! Imagine you are a member of NATO dropping dollars in the swear jar because Trump just told you to.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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