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By now, we're all familiar with Red Pill MRAs, MGTOW, and simple PUAs. They seem to be simply variations on a theme, and one of the commonalities seems to be that they all really, really want wimminz to make them sammiches. This common thread caught my attention the other day, and upon it I began to ponder.


We normally assume that this is simply a manifestation of their rather strident claims of dominance over women, and this is, indeed, what they claim as their message. But what if we dig a bit deeper? What else could be motivating this demand that wimminz provide the sammiches they so desperately crave?

Let's examine the last part of the preceding sentence first. They, rather obviously, want sammiches. Not just "want," though: they seem to have a kind of primal need for them. Clearly, they know what a sammich is. Just as clearly, they recognize what constitutes a good sammich - otherwise two pieces of Wonderbread and a slice of Kraft Singles, with maybe some Miracle Whip, would satisfy them.

But, no. Despite having an understanding of what they want, they need someone else to provide it. Why? I'm glad you asked, because Yr Wonkette has a theory.

They can't cook.

Yeah, it's that simple. They can't cook, and they can't ask someone to teach them, because they're afraid of looking weak. Actually, that explains everything about them. They're so afraid of looking weak, they've become a cartoon version of a strong person.

Maybe someone should explain that cartoons exist to be laughed at.

But, enough about them - let's make some sammiches!

Ham Salad for Sandwiches

Up close and personal.

WHAT YOU NEED!

Ingredientses

  • 1 cup finely diced Ham
  • 1 hard-boiled Egg, diced
  • 1 Tbls finely diced Onion
  • 2 Tbls finely diced Green Pepper
  • 2 Tbls finely diced Celery
  • 1/4 Cup Mayonnaise
  • 2 Tsp brown Mustard
  • 1 Tsp Worcestershire sauce
  • 1 Tsp Parsley
  • Salt & Pepper, to taste

Tuna Salad for Sandwiches

WHAT YOU NEED!

Other ingredientses!

  • 2, 7 oz cans Solid White Albacore Tuna in water, drained.
  • 2-3 Tbls Onion, finely diced.
  • 2-3 Tbls Celery, finely diced
  • 2-3 Tbls Lemon Juice
  • 1/3 Cup Mayonnaise
  • 3 Tbls Sweet Pickle Relish
  • ~ 1 Tsp Seasoning Salt
  • 1/4 Tsp Mustard powder
  • 3 -4 drops Tabasco sauce

Not very photogenic, but really tasty!

WHAT TO DO WITH WHAT YOU NEED!

Seriously? OK, fine!

For each recipe:

  • Put the meat in an appropriately sized bowl. For the Ham, also too add the egg.
  • Add the chopped veggies and mix into the meat.
  • Add mayonnaise and any "wet" ingredientses. Relish isn't dry is it? No. So add it as well.
  • Mix thoroughly with a fork.
  • Add dry ingredientses/spices.
  • Mix thoroughly, using the same fork.
  • Put into an airtight container and refrigerate 4 - 24 hours.

Serve on sliced bread, with tomatoes & lettuce. Or with crackers and maybe some cheese. Or, if you want to be 50 years out of date, in a hollowed out tomato.

Once you have learned the basics of sammich-making, you will be free to delete all your bookmarks for Return Of Kings and related sites. Congratulations!

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