Let's Meet Rudy Giuliani's Team Of Dipsh*ts, Most Of Whom Are In Jail Or Under House Arrest In Vienna Right Now

On Wednesday, two of Rudy Giuliani's best Ukrainian-American pals, Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman, hereafter known as The Chucklefucks, were arrested at Dulles airport in DC as they tried to ride a one-way ticket outta town, reportedly to Vienna. They are charged with massive campaign finance violations that Wonkette explained right here, and they've also reportedly been a part of Giuliani's project to get Ukraine to make up shit about Joe Biden and what really happened in the 2016 election (NO RUSSIA!), in order to aid Donald Trump's re-election. As many new names as we are learning right now, remember thatis the central crime for which Donald Trump is getting a one-way ticket to having an asterisk by his name in the history books, because of how he, an illegitimate president, was impeached.

When US Attorney Geoffrey Berman threw a press conference announcing the indictments, he said a couple of curious things. One was that the investigation is ongoing, which should have sent shivers down the spines of Rudy Giuliani, Donald Trump, and a number of other folks. Think about it. The Chucklefucks appear to be small fish you've never heard of, so it may very well be that the Southern District of New York (SDNY) is looking for Chucklefuck One, Chucklefuck Two, or both, to flip on bigger people. If you are a "bigger people" in the large scheme to extort Ukraine for campaign meddling, you might be li'l bit worried right now.

Indeed, CNN is reporting that Giuliani's dealings here are being "scrutinized" by SDNY. Yikes, Rudy!

Rudy Giuliani said yesterday that he found the timing of the Chucklefucks' arrest very curious, but we don't, because it sure sounds like the timing was that the Chucklefucks, who are US citizens, were on their way out of the country on a one-way ticket. Indeed, Giuliani is the one who said that though their one-way ticket was to Frankfurt, their final destination was Vienna.

The day the chucklefucks were arrested, Giuliani had lunch with the Chucklefucks. Giuliani told reporter Elaina Plott in The Atlantic that he, too, was on his way to Vienna, the night after the Chucklefucks. He told Plott that the Chucklefucks were going to Vienna for something "related to their business," and that he wasn't going to see them there.



Well! There are a lot of things in Vienna. It is A BUNCH of opera there, and pretty much every classical music composer who was ever anybody lived there at some point, so maybe Rudy Giuliani and the Chucklefucks were just planning on doing a thing where they took selfies all the same places Mozart fucked ladies and giggled weird.

But as Rachel Maddow noted last night, a very central figure to all this Trump Biden smear campaign Ukrainium One shit lives in Vienna, where he is on house arrest, awaiting maybe extradition to the United States on billions of bucks of bribery charges, and that guy is Dmitry Firtash, a Ukrainian oligarch who is BFFs with Vladimir Putin.

Criminality Taints Giuliani Role In Trump Ukraine Scheme | Rachel Maddow | MSNBCwww.youtube.com

Y'all wanna throw a bunch of shit at the wall like a common Carrie Mathison on "Homeland"? Sure you do! But really, we're just going to share you some facts that seem like they are all connected, though we haven't worked out exactly how yet.


Lev Parnas was instrumental in setting Rudy Giuliani up to do a little Skyping with disgraced corrupt former Ukraine prosecutor Viktor Shokin, so they could connect on the fakestupid story that Joe Biden personally ordered Shokin fired so that he wouldn't investigate Burisma, the company Joe's son Hunter Biden sat on the board of. As we have explained previously, this is literally the opposite of the truth, because Shokin wasn't doing jackshit about it, and putting another prosecutor in there actually increased the chances Burisma would be investigated.

Giuliani went on TV recently and shook around a quote unquote "affidavit" full of lies about Biden, a sworn statement from Viktor Shokin, which specifically said it was provided to lawyers for Dmitry Firtash. Hey, that's weird! As Maddow reported, Giuliani has admitted to getting this shit from Firtash.

Recently added to Dmitry Firtash's legal team of real lawyers fighting his extradition to America? Joe DiGenova and Victoria Toensing. Yes, the two weird-ass rat-haired Fox News lawyers most recently seen on Wonkette calling Trey Gowdy a rat-haired weird-ass! According the Wall Street Journal, DiGenova/Toensing hired Lev Parnas this summer, allegedly to be their Ukrainian interpreter so they could talk to Firtash. You bet! "INTERPRETER." DiGenova said the Chucklefucks' Vienna trip wasn't to see Firtash, so take that as you will, with as many grains of salt as you'd like. All of these dipshits are hiring the same lawyers for SOME reason.

Lev Parnas also set up Giuliani with another disgraced corrupt former Ukraine prosecutor general, Yuriy Lutsenko, who filled Giuliani's head with fever dream fantasies about how actually it was Ukraine that rigged the election, for Hillary Clinton, by leaking a bunch of bullshit about secret Ukrainian payments to Paul Manafort, including from Dmitry Firtash. In his role as the money-man for the pro-Kremlin Party Of Regions in Ukraine, Firtash paid Manafort to run a disinformation campaign in 2010 against Yulia Tymoschenko, who was running for president of Ukraine on a platform of rooting out corruption. Manafort's play, and by extension Firtash's play, was to paint the woman who wanted to root out corruption as "NO CORRUPTION, NO CORRUPTION, SHE IS THE CORRUPTION!" Sound familiar? Sound like what they're trying to do to rewrite the history of the 2016 American election, and also what they're doing to Joe Biden? BECAUSE IT'S ALL THE SAME PLAY.

Paul Manafort may be in prison, but he's reportedly been cahootsing with Giuliani on all of this, through his lawyer, as Giuliani tries to investigate the conspiracy theory about how Ukraine leaked those bad payments to Manafort in order to rig the election for Hillary Clinton. Manafort, of course, is the guy who during the 2016 Trump campaign was giving a Russian spy associate,Konstantin Kilimnik, secret Rust Belt polling data to pass along to their former partner "Putin's favorite oligarch" Oleg Deripaska, for reasons that are still officially ????? but probably have something to do with Trump's very curious "wins" in the Rust Belt in November 2016. Kilimnik was also reportedly passing that information to two Ukrainian oligarchs, one of whom is connected to ... Dmitry Firtash!

Yuriy Lutsenko,according to Murray Waas in the New York Review of Books, not only was a key player in helping Konstantin Kilimnik run away from the US authorities and into the loving arms of Russia, but also memory-holed Ukrainian investigations into Paul Manafort.

The Chucklefucks showed up in court this week, not with former Trump lawyer John "Purple Comic Sans" Dowd, who's also been repping them, but rather with Paul Manafort's lawyers. As Maddow joked, maybe they just happened to be in the neighborhood! Remember what we said about all these dipshits hiring the same lawyers?

The Chucklefucks, according to the indictment against them, were instrumental in Giuliani's campaign -- which included former GOP congressman Pete Sessions -- to get former Ukraine ambassador Marie Yovanovitch fired, because she was in Trump's way in his and Giuliani's plan to use Ukraine to win in 2020.

By the way, she's testifying in Congress right now. From what we've heard so far, shit is LIT. In her testimony, she explained part of why she thinks Trump and Giuliani and the Chucklefucks might have wanted to push her out:

"I do not know Mr. Giuliani's motives for attacking me," she said, adding that people associated with him "may well have believed that their personal financial ambitions were stymied by our anti-corruption policy in Ukraine."

What did we just say about IT'S ALL THE SAME PLAY? "No corruption! No corruption! That lady is the corruption!" We don't know who's running this shit, if it's Firtash, if Giuliani is the brains behind the operation HAHAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING, or hell, if Manafort is running it from prison. But it's ALL THE SAME PLAY.

As Maddow pointed out last night, Rudy Giuliani has pretty much admitted that he's been conspiring with all these dumb fuckers on his grand plan to use Ukraine to get Trump re-elected. Her team even made this graphic. (Firtash is the guy in the middle on the top.)


Want to know some more awesome things about Dmitry Firtash, who lives in Vienna on house arrest, who Giuliani and the Chucklefucks were DEFINITELY not going to Vienna to cahoots with on their little master plan?

  • He's super close pals with Semion Mogilevich, who's pretty much the head of the Russian mob. Firtash is way up there with the organized crime too. Indeed, Firtash has been called Mogilevich's front man.
  • He's also got ties with Vincent Tchenguiz, who was the biggest shareholder in SCL Group, which owned Cambridge Analytica, the Trump campaign data organization that did ... WE STILL DON'T KNOW ... for Trump in the 2016 election.
  • Hey, know who was instrumental in putting together the giant money laundering/bribery case against Firtash, the one he's wanted in America for but hasn't been extradited yet from his house arrest in Vienna? Lisa Page. Yes, the former FBI person Donald Trump has been mocking and shaming for years on Twitter, the one whose orgasms he was strangely faking last night at his Hitler rally in Minneapolis.

So that's ... interesting!


Donald Trump has been saying he has never met Rudy's Chucklefucks, but allows that "Maybe they were clients of Rudy. You'd have to ask Rudy." (You know, in case you were wondering if Trump will at some point throw Rudy Giuliani under the bus. The answer is yes.) Of course, the Chucklefucks have had dinner at the White House and been pictured with Donald Trump Jr., and Rudy Giuliani has said they are kind of part of Trump's legal team. But whatever, if Donald Trump says he's never met them, that's probably the whole truth and nothing but the truth!

Also, apropos of nothing, here is a video of Rudy Giuliani and the Chucklefucks just hanging out at the Trump hotel in DC:

Giuliani in 2018 video with embroiled associates: "Can't wait to come back" to Ukrainewww.youtube.com

As we said, we don't know what all this means or how exactly these folks are connected, and who's calling which plays, but this is clearly the team, and we're gonna find out how it all works soon enough. We also have a feeling Dmitry Firtash is about to be FAMOUS with his NAME IN LIGHTS, just call it a hunch. (Wonkette is pretty good at hunches.)

And as for Rudy? Yeesh. We can't imagine what it might be like to get indicted one day by the SDNY, when you used to be the person who RAN THE SDNY, but let us just say we will not be surprised if that happens.

Tick-tock, y'all!


[The Atlantic]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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