California finally passed its vaccine bill, removing most religious and personal belief exemptions for vaccination in public schools (almost as if contagious diseases really don't care if you don't "believe" in them). Yay for California! But oh no, what is that sound off in the distance? It sounds like a slow leaking fart bursting through a pair of flannel stretch pants. In Canadian!

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Oh no wait, sorry, it's just Jim Carrey. And he has a MAAAAAAD about vaccines.

As soon as Gov. Brown signed the bill, Carrey launched into a blistering meltdown all over the Twitter machine, twatting left and twatting right, all about what a fascist this hotshot governor is, just because he wants to keep childrens from dying. You know who else didn't like dead children? HITLER. (Wait, bad analogy.)

Among Carrey's choicer tweets were this gem:

Except the vaccines aren't manditory [sic]. They're required for your brat if you want the screaming pukeball to go to public school. Don't want to save your munchkin from preventable diseases? Go to private school or homeschool. OH THE OPPRESSION.

Carrey went off on a rampage asking for "greener vaccines" which somehow sounds gross. Doesn't that sound gross? Carrey's major contention was with thimerisol in vaccines, a mercury-based preservative that anti-vaxxers think causes autism (along with just about everything).

Problem is thimerisol was removed from vaccines back in the nineties. Oopsie! There's also the fact that there's no connection between autism and mercury, seeing as autism diagnosis rates continued to go up even after thimerisol was phased out of vaccines.

Ace Ventura started waxing about the plights of children affected by the autisms, and decided the best way to do that was to post pictures of other people's kids with autism. Who could possibly be offended?

Maybe the parents of the child Carrey posted, who are throwing a massive shitstorm over his dragging their babe onto his whackadoo soapbox. It's almost like people are defensive about their kids being used unwittingly for political purposes. Clearly they didn't go to the Fartknocker School of the Grifting Arts. You can get your Master's in Child Puppetry in only 4 months!

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The parents in question are understandably pissed that a man who used to talk through his anus for a living is accusing them of poisoning their child, especially since they know for a fact his autism didn't come from vaccines; it's from tuberous sclerosis, an actual brain condition with an actual connection to autism. Dammit, why aren't these children and their brain tumors playing along with a celebrity Twitter rampage?

In fairness, Carrey apologized to the parents, but Jesus dude. Still not cool. It also doesn't help that Carrey's crusade has found new life thanks to a slew of failed stars joining his cause, including such big names as Roseanne Barr! And Robert Kennedy Jr.! Being in such illustrious company with failed presidential candidates such as these must mean Carrey's career is following exactly the trajectory we knew it would. Hopefully next time, instead of dragging other people's kids into a fight they didn't pick, he'll do a buddy comedy with Herman Cain and Ross Perot.

[Medical News Today / The Daily Beast / Forbes / The Independent / Think Progress]

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Image: Marriott Hotels

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.

In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

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