Let's Read Devin Nunes's Latest Libelslander Complaint!
It's another proud day for California's 22nd Congressional District, because Devin Nunes is back.
This week, the walking conspiracy theory has — once again — sued the Washington Post for daring to report things he would really rather they didn't.
This is the seventh defamation or conspiracy lawsuit Devin has filed in the last year.
Light one up, huff some paint, and grab a swig of grannie's moonshine if you want to get down to the appropriate level for this one.
On November 9, the Post published an article titled "White House official and former GOP political operative Michael Ellis named as NSA general counsel," by national security reporter Ellen Nakashima. The article was about how Ellis, MAGA fanatic and former chief counsel to Nunes, had been named as the top lawyer for the National Security Agency.
Devin specifically has complaints with two sentences in the November 9 article:
In March 2017, [Ellis] gained publicity for his involvement in a questionable episode involving Nunes, who was given access at the White House to intelligence files that Nunes believed would buttress his baseless claims of the Obama administration spying on Trump Tower
News reports stated that Ellis was among the White House officials who helped Nunes see the documents — reportedly late at night, earning the episode the nickname 'the midnight run.'
According to Nunes, the article "attributed to Plaintiff statements he never made and beliefs he never held" and "falsely accused Plaintiff of dishonesty, deception, lying to the American public, spreading disinformation, lack of integrity, and ethical improprieties."
All of this centers around a bizarre series of events that transpired with Nunes in March of 2017. Nunes, then the House Intelligence Committee chairman, held a press conference about Carter Page and surveillance of foreign interference in our elections, and whining about the "unmasking" of the subjects of FISA warrants.
Then, sketchy details started to trickle out.
Devin had been on White House grounds the day before. He was seen that night at the National Security Council offices. He wouldn't say where he had gotten his information. He went to the press before his Intelligence Committee colleagues had been briefed. He jumped out of an Uber after getting something on his phone and wouldn't say where he was going. And he was complaining about people improperly releasing intelligence information while ... improperly releasing intelligence information.
This was all about two months before Trump fired Jim Comey and shit hit the fan.
Let's get to the complaint!
Like all of the other ridiculous lawsuits Devin has filed recently, it is truly just an excellent read.
That is, as a parody of this insane simulation we are all currently living through. Not so much as a real document filed with a court of law.
Devin is being represented by none other than Libelslander Esquire Extraordinaire Steven Biss, the legal mastermind behind such hits as Devin v. Twitter Cow & Devin's Mom, Devin v. Retired Farmer, and Kash Patel v. Politico.
Biss and Nunes are MAD VERY MAD at the mean besmirches the Post did. Among other things, they claim that
Defendants exposed Plaintiff to public ridicule, scorn, and contempt.
I'm pretty sure he did that one to himself.
The Fantastic Duo reveal in the complaint that they sent a letter demanding a retraction ... the same day as they filed the lawsuit.
Defendants' Defamatory Statements harmed Plaintiff and his reputation, causing presumed damages and actual damages. On November 17, 2020, Plaintiff served on Defendants at the place of publication a written notice specifying the statements in the Article that are defamatory and demanding, inter alia, that those statements be retracted and/or corrected and removed from the Internet. Upon information and belief, Defendants will refuse and fail to retract and correct the Defamatory Statements.
The statements accuse and impute to Plaintiff an unfitness to perform the duties of an office or employment for profit, or the want of integrity in the discharge of the duties of such office or employment, including dishonesty, deceit, fraud, malfeasance, lack of ethics, lack of veracity, and independently tortious acts.
Upon information and belief, one of the "News reports" referred to in the Article is a "report" manufactured by New York Times reporters Adam Goldman, Matthew Rosenberg and Maggie Haberman, well-known for spreading false statements and defamation on behalf of anonymous "sources" at the FBI and State Department.
Somebody doesn't know what "quotation marks" mean.
The part where the conspiracy theory in the form of a lawsuit goes on about the "Russia collusion hoax" is also pretty fun.
The Article is an example of opposition research published by WaPo and Nakashima acting as alter egos for others, including [Congressman Adam] Schiff, as part of a lengthy campaign against Plaintiff, who has repeatedly shown the media's full participation in promoting the Russia collusion hoax. Rather than minimize harm, WaPo and Nakashima set out to inflict maximum pain and suffering on Plaintiff in order to harm Plaintiff's reputation. WaPo and Nakashima never once considered the long-term implications of the extended reach and permanence of the Article. They refuse to be accountable; refuse to acknowledge their mistakes; refuse to retract; refuse to correct; and, of course, refuse to apologize.
I'm actually shocked there are no references to the "deep state" in this thing.
WaPo insisted on publishing the narrative that Plaintiff is a Trump sycophant.
If the ushanka fits?
Nunes also blames the Post — and not himself — for people being mean to him on Twitter, specifically bringing up this tweet by someone named Olga:
As soon as you see the name Devin Nunes, you know fakery and falsehoods are afoot. Insane. The man helped commit im… https://t.co/Nozl31ux59— Olga 🇨🇦🇬🇷🇺🇸 (@Olga 🇨🇦🇬🇷🇺🇸) 1604982806.0
But I think my favorite part of this incoherent nonsense is where the complaint asks for a prior restraint on any future libelslander besmirch statements, requesting the Post and Nakashima be
permanently restrained and enjoined from publishing the Defamatory Statements[.]
THIS IS NOT A THING. THIS IS VERY MUCH NOT A THING.
You don't get to sue people for being mean to you and get a court order telling them not to be mean to you anymore. This is federal court, not elementary school.
It's amazing how these assholes who whine incessantly about "free speech" when it comes to things like Nazis and hate groups on college campuses are the same ones who want the government to dictate to the press what they can and cannot write about.
I'm sure this absurd bullshit suit will be thrown out just like all the rest, but the fact that it was filed at all is a fucking problem. The real purpose isn't getting money — even the world's dumbest lawyer should be able to figure out this is going to get laughed out of court — but to shut up critics.
Defending a defamation suit is expensive, even a baseless one like this. Devin Nunes, Steven Biss, and others like them (looking at YOU, Peter Thiel, Don Blankenship, Donald Trump, Bob Murray, Larry Klayman, et al.) aren't just attacking the defendants in their cases, they're attacking freedom of the press and even free speech itself. Courts need to start sanctioning litigants like Nunes and attorneys like Biss, or they are going to keep using our federal courts to stifle free speech.
Eat shit, Devin.
Here's the complaint, in all its glory.
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