Let's Subpoena Julian Assange's Nasty-Ass Cat, See What It Knows About Paul Manafort


No, not the thing about how Robert Mueller does solemnly declare that Paul Manafort has been a piece of shit liar of a "cooperating witness" and now the plea deal is dead and both sides want Manafort sentenced immediately, and all the wild speculation that entails. That's coming later this morning, but we'll really know what that development means when Mueller lays out in painstaking detail all the things Manafort has lied about in his pre-sentencing submission to the court. This Christmas's hottest book to read on the beach next summer? That.

But the Guardian has a quick scoop about something Paul Manafort might have lied about, something Robert Mueller probably has known for months and months and months, and it is that Manafort met with WikiLeaks Russian intelligence asset/unbathed human slob Julian Assange multiple times, including during one very important period, as the Trump treason campaign was just kicking into high gear!

Sources have said Manafort went to see Assange in 2013, 2015 and in spring 2016 – during the period when he was made a key figure in Trump's push for the White House.

2013 and 2015? What's that about? We have no idea, but maybe it had something to do with all the pro-Russia lobbying grifts Manafort has been running for a decade now. The Guardian notes that Manafort was running scams for the pro-Russia then-president of Ukraine at the time, Victor Yanukovych. Indeed, during that general time, Manafort was running a very specific influence operation for Yanukovych, to paint Yanukovych's political rival Yulia Tymoshenko as a crime lady who needed to remain LOCK HER UPPED, right where Yanukovych had put her.

Sound familiar?

But wait, what about spring of 2016? What was happening just then? Well, Manafort had suddenly appeared at the door of Trump Tower (he lived there, he probably just was bringing groceries home) and somehow got off on the wrong floor and ended up chairing the Trump campaign, for free! (Or was it really "free"? We are guessing "not.")

If you believe -- as we absolutely do -- that Manafort was pushed into the Trump campaign as a Russian asset himself, in order to be the point man for the Russian operation to steal the election for Trump, it would make sense that Manafort might want/need to make a quick jaunt to London to see the guy who would start releasing all the Democratic emails Russia stole later that summer. Maybe Manafort was taking Assange a work order! Or some laundered money. (Paul Manafort likes laundered money. A lot.)

If you also believe -- as we absolutely do -- that it's not a question of whether or not the Trump campaign knew about the NO COLLUSION, but rather just how actively they participated, it would have involved a lot of moving parts and clandestine meetings. You've got the Russian military intelligence hackers (indicted), you've got Putin personally authorizing the operation, you've got the Russian cut-outs at WikiLeaks doing their part, and presumably you'd have the Trump campaign people directing things from their side. Like Paul Manafort. Allegedly.

Remember also that Manafort shows up in the Steele dossier as the point person for the operation, who was pushed out only after his unsavory Russian connections started getting reported in the press. Also remember that election ratfucking for Russia is kind of Paul Manafort's specialty, as he had been doing for years in Ukraine, as we noted above. Also remember that Manafort was in serious debt at the time to Oleg Deripaska, AKA Putin's favorite oligarch, AKA Manafort's former boss/sugar daddy, and was wanting to use his Trump campaign work to somehow make things right with Deripaska. Also remember oh good Christ we cannot fucking remember what-all we are supposed to remember at this point.

Anyway, here is an interesting line from THE DODGY DOSSIER, flagged by The Guardian:

"The [hacking] operation had been conducted with the full knowledge and support of Trump and senior members of his campaign team."

According to the Guardian, Manafort showed up at the Ecuadorian embassy specifically around March of 2016, and the dates of his visits were confirmed by Ecuadorian intelligence, but curiously not logged by the embassy itself.

A separate internal document written by Ecuador's Senain intelligence agency and seen by the Guardian lists "Paul Manaford [sic]" as one of several well-known guests. It also mentions "Russians".

Yeah huh, imagine that. Who visits Assange in the Ecuadorian embassy? Oh just Russians and a bunch of Trump organized crime figures.

Oh yeah, did we mention Roger Stone is Paul Manafort's former lobbying buddy and they're both tied in with a guy named Arthur Finkelstein, the original election ratfucker, who knew Trump and Roy Cohn back in the olden timey days when they were just young criminals? For more about how Roger Stone might tie into all of this -- and Manafort and Finkelstein and also your mom -- go back and read the six hour cocaine binge we wrote a few weeks back (we were not really on coke), where we threw all this shit at the wall to see how it was all connected, like a common Carrie Mathison from "Homeland," and when we finally came out of our room, everybody was looking at us funny.

In fact, you should read it in light of this new information, about Manafort being directly connected to Assange.

OK that's all we got, as our brain has been fried with this shit since approximately October of 2016.

Also, maybe Mueller has already subpoenaed the cat, because Julian Assange's cat is gone..

[The Guardian]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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