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Let's Throw A Bunch Of Sh*t At The Wall And Call It The Trump-Russia #SMOKINGGUN

Russia

Monday night, we posted a hilarious and wonderful internet article outlining all the reasons we think some sorts of big moves are coming from Robert Mueller very very soon, probably as soon as this week. At almost the exact same time we hit publish, wingnut crazypants moron-ass conspiracy theorist Jerome Corsi went live on his Tumblr to say Mueller had told him last week he was going to be indicted for saying perjuries to the FBI.

It. Was. OMGLOLWTF.


We never expected Jerome Corsi, king of the Birthers and former employee of WorldNetDaily and InfoWars, to be caught up in the Trump-Russia investigation, but considering how Donald Trump is also king of the Birthers (they are gay kings of the Birther kingdom, we guess) and a lover of InfoWars, it sort of makes sense. It seems Robert Mueller has been interested in the possibility that somehow Corsi was tipped off to the existence of the emails Russia stole from Hillary Clinton and the DNC and laundered through WikiLeaks, which we guess is kind of like the meth car wash from "Breaking Bad" of this whole story.

When we learned about Corsi's involvement in the investigation, it seemed to be because he somehow knew in advance that Russia/WikiLeaks had John Podesta's emails. Corsi's excuse for that was that he just figured it out, like CONNECT THE DOTS, MORANS, we guess. Weirdly, Corsi's buddy Roger Stone had also seemed to be looped in on the fact WikiLeaks had Podesta's emails. Specifically he tweeted on August 21, 2016, "Trust me, it will soon [be] the Podesta's time in the barrel. #CrookedHillary." Stone had maybe been in contact with WikiLeaks, either personally or through intermediaries, and had known something was coming, in the form of emails that would "torment" people like John Podesta, as WaPo put it.

Did Corsi know first, and tell Roger Stone? Did Stone tell Corsi? Which came first, the #TreasonChicken or the #TreasonEgg?

So, about Corsi's little webchat!

Here is the hour-long video, if you want to watch it!

Current Events LiveStream -Monday, November 12, 2018, Dr. Jerome Corsi Hosting www.youtube.com

Corsi said he is going to be indicted very soon for lying to investigators, as if that is even a crime. He said that after talking to Mueller's investigators for two months, his mind was "mush," as if the "mush" status of his brain is somehow a new development. He said he is probably going to be "thrown into solitary confinement for the rest of his life," and then he will die in prison. (That would be sad, and by sad we mean LOL.)

Corsi said Mueller's investigators did the old perjury trap trick to him, by having the correct answers to his questions beforehand, which is unfair because that way they know when you are lying.

Here are some more #Facts from Corsi's webcast:

  • "To the best of my recollection, I have never met Julian Assange." You know, just in case he flew to London and played strip Jenga with Julian Assange in the Ecuadorean embassy and now he forgets. That's why he said to the best of his recollection. Also his mind is mush and he is going to get indicted and die in prison.
  • Jerome Corsi needs your money, so please PayPal him some CA$H.
  • Robert Mueller was apparently really interested in a trip Corsi took to Italy in 2016, which he says was just an anniversary trip with his wife.
  • Did he mention please give him dollars? Please do it fast, because he's not sure how long YouTube will leave this video up until it starts "buffering" him!
  • Jerome Corsi is pretty sure the real reason he is going to jail is because he loves Donald Trump. Also because he is against the Deep State.
  • Dollars? Any dollars? Jerome Corsi would like some dollars.
  • Corsi is very worried he will "go insane" in prison, because that is a thing that definitely has not happened already in his life.
  • $MONEYMONEYMONEYDOLLARSGIVEHIMSOME!!!!!$

First of all, we should remind everyone that Corsi is CERTIFIABLY BUGFUCK, so we should take everything he says with an entire salt lick.

But that thing about Corsi's trip to Italy in 2016, and Mueller's interest in it, caught our attention. It caught a lot of Russia-watchers' attention.

ITALY? Wait what?

After Corsi's livestream ended last night, he did an interview with The Daily Caller where he put a finer point on when exactly in 2016 he went to Italy, and how we guess he just had a lot of time to think about WikiLeaks during the trip, because he really figured some stuff out:

Corsi says that Mueller's team zeroed in on a trip he took to Italy with his wife in July and August 2016 to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. It was on that trip that Corsi claims his theory about Wikileaks and Podesta finally clicked.

"When I flew to Italy in July and early August 2016 for my 25th wedding anniversary, I really put it together," he says of Wikileaks having Podesta's emails.

HUH! Did old mush-brain really put it together for himself?

And if he's lying (or BEING PERJURY TRAPPED) about that, then is he actually pals with Assange, not that he remembers ever meeting that particular stinky cat lady in the Ecuadorean embassy?

And why, as Corsi told The Guardian, were Mueller's investigators ALSO so interested in asking him about his contacts with Nigel Farage, who is definitely tight with both Assange and Donald Trump? Farage, of course, has been seen multiple times going in and out of the Ecuadorean embassy to see his pal.

And what of Mueller's reported curiosity about Corsi's contacts with Ted Malloch, the London-based dude who is a close buddy of Farage, who is also an InfoWars guy, and was detained by Mueller at the airport earlier this year?

If we're having to guess, the path of cut-outs goes something like this: Russia --> Assange/WikiLeaks --> Farage --> Malloch --> Corsi --> Stone --> Trump. (Or something like that. At least that might be one of the paths of cut-outs. There are clearly many in this story.)

OK Wonkette, you said we were talking about Italy and now you've veered off ...

Fuck off, HANG ON.

Because before we get to that, we should note that Corsi told the Daily Caller that he probably told Roger Stone his briliant "theory" that probably WikiLeaks had the Podesta emails, based on the evidence he came up with in his very good brain. Roger Stone says NUH UH his good pal Jerome Corsi did not tell him that in August of 2016, after that trip to Italy where Corsi stumbled upon the truth while yoga-ing the fuck out of some shit on the beach by the Adriatic. He says it was just about "conversations with Corsi regarding research into the business activities of John Podesta and his lobbyist brother, Tony." Bullshit? PROBABLY!

"He never told me that he had figured out or believed that John Podesta's emails had been stolen. There is no email that says that. There is no text message that says that. And there is no phone call that says that. He never told me that."

"The text messages and email train indicate the opposite," said Stone, the men's fashion editor for The Daily Caller.

Guys, take a break for rolling around on the floor pissing yourselves laughing over Stone being identified as "the men's fashion editor for The Daily Caller." It really is that funny.

Remember, this is all important because, at least in 2016, Stone and Donald Trump were tight. And if Stone told Trump about this, and if he's lying about how he got his information and Mueller has figured all that out, well, that could be ballgame on at least one piece of the NO COLLUSION, NO COLLUSION, YOU ARE THE COLLUSION. (Stone was definitely shopping top secret gossip dirt about WikiLeaks/Assange to Breitbart and Steve Bannon!)

Also remember that during that time, Roger Stone claimed he had been in contact with Julian Assange multiple times. He's claimed in the past that weirdass radio host Randy Credico was his interlocutor with Julian Assange. But he's also claimed that he and Assange are IRL pals. But quite frankly, it would be very Roger-Stone-ian for him to pretend like he and Assange were BFFs when actually he was just playing Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon with a bunch of Russian intelligence assets and various and sundry other fucking morons.

Wonkette, please get back to the Italy shit and stop getting distracted!

WE SAID HANG THE FUCK ON.

Let's quick recap you on what was going on just before July 2016, when Jerome Corsi went on the sexxx-iversary trip to Italy with his wife that Bobby Mueller is so hot to trot about. The Russians had marked their territory all over Donald Trump Jr. in Trump Tower in June, promising sweet sexxxy Hillary dirts that allegedly never materialized. A month before, in May, a Russian military intelligence officer was picked up in surveillance bragging that Russia was about to fuck Hillary Clinton the fuck up. Also, sometime in 2016, Trump data gurus Cambridge Analytica approached Wikileaks to see if they could help find Hillary Clinton's mythological "33,000 deleted emails." Meanwhile, Michael Flynn's alleged buddy Peter Smith, who is currently dead, under mysterious circumstances, was ALSO bragging about working with Russian hackers to find those emails.

Everybody was OB-FUCKING-SESSED with HER DAMN EMAILS.

So in July and August of 2016, Jerome Corsi goes to Italy and becomes his own personal Psychic Friends Network about WikiLeaks being in possession of John Podesta's emails so they could October Surprise them. Weird, right?

It's also weird that a remarkable number of Trump-Russia-associated folks ended up in Italy and nearby areas about the same time!

For instance ...

MICHAEL COHEN!

Cohen went to Italy from July 9 to July 17, just before the Republican Convention started. He has said he spent those days hangin' out with his old buddy Steve Van Zandt of the E Street Band on the isle of Capri, because that's a totally normal thing to do just before your bossman gets the Republican nomination for president. (If you'll remember, WikiLeaks started dropping DNC emails just after the RNC ended.) Trouble is, the famous person gossip website Showbiz411 reported later that actually Maureen van Zandt, Steve's wife, confirmed that they were in Italy at the time, but they didn't see Michael Cohen, nor did they go to Capri.

So what was Cohen doing in Italy?

You are probably recalling the whole controversy over how the Steele Dossier alleged that Michael Cohen, along with three of his associates, secretly traveled to Prague in either August of September of 2016, to meet with Kremlin representatives and Romanian hackers, his role growing because Paul Manafort was in the process of exiting the Trump campaign stage left once his own nefarious Russian dealings started being exposed. The dossier alleges that the Trump team and the Russians both were involved in paying the hackers.

Cohen denied this furiously. He swore to the Lord that he had never ever been to Prague, and waved his passport around to PROVE it, because SEE? There are only these stamps right here, of him going to ITALY in July! Moreover, he said at the alleged time of the Prague trip he was in SoCal with his kids! Of course, immediately, we noticed at the time that Italy and the Czech Republic are both in the Schengen zone, which means you can fly into Rome and take the train to Prague and your passport won't get a new stamp. Also note that his SoCal alibi was only for the last week of August.

Earlier this year, McClatchy was the only news source to report that indeed Mueller did have evidence Cohen went to Prague around that time, possibly entering through Germany. It was always curious that no other news organization was able to corroborate the report, but McClatchy is legit journalism, so ... (???)

Is it possible Cohen did go to Prague, but not in August/September, but more like mid-July? Or did a little bit of Soviet-style disinformation get fed through British spy Christopher Steele's sources and make it into his dossier of raw intelligence, because maybe the real secret meetings happened in Italy and/or somewhere else in the Schengen zone in mid-July? A little something to throw people off the scent, maybe? After all, that passage of the dossier also mentions Romanian hackers, which was the cover story for a whole fuckton of time before Robert Mueller indicted a bunch of Russian military intelligence for the crime.

It's worth pointing out right here that the only thing that has come anywhere close to "disproven" (and it hasn't come that close) in the dossier has been the Cohen Goes To Prague thing.

Cohen might have, in a past life, lost his shit yelling because his passport CLEARLY SHOWED that he hadn't flown to Prague, but that he had gone on vacation to Italy, therefore DOSSIER BAD WRONG STUPID! Note that he admitted the entire time he went to Italy, as his passport shows. Is it possible Cohen was technically telling the truth? Or is it possible that both trips happened, and Cohen just was able to hide a second European vacay, which happened in early August, before he went to California? (More on that in a sec!)

Michael Cohen is cooperating with Robert Mueller now. He's been in DC this week. Wonder if his story has changed!

JOSEPH MIFSUD!

In March of 2016, Maltese professor Joseph Mifsud, who was probably some sort of cut-out for Russian military intelligence, first approached Trump campaign foreign policy advisor George Papadopoulos IN ITALY. He continued to cultivate Papadopoulos in the ensuing months, promising connections with Vladimir Putin's niece (who was not Putin's niece and was probably just a spy) and SWEET DELICIOUS HILLARY CLINTON EMAILS. Mifsud fucking lived there, in Italy, so presumably he was around those parts quite a bit. Wonder if he met Cohen that summer? Or Jerome Corsi?

(Sidenote: Know how everybody's been worried Mifsud is dead like a common Russian spy who ran afoul of Putin? He appears to be ALIVE, and possibly wants to testify for the Senate Intelligence Committee!)

Oh yeah, and there was all this other strange European Trump campaign travel around that time too!

OK, we're 'bout to get WEEDSY on you, so hold on tight. You may think we're getting a little bit Louise Mensch-y, because this thing we're about to talk about is something Mensch has been on about for the past five thousand years. Thing is, though, it could be one of the things Mensch has been half right about, because actually we are about to get Glenn Simpson-y up in here. Simpson, you will remember, is the co-founder of Fusion GPS, which contracted Chris Steele to do his research. Glenn Simpson is the opposite of Mensch-y.

When Simpson testified for the House Intelligence Committee, Rep. Adam Schiff asked him if there were Trump-Russia things he thought warranted further investigation.

Look at this transcript:

If you cannot embiggen that, Simpson is saying investigators need to look into early August of 2016, just after the RNC, when Michael Cohen, Ivanka Trump, Jared Kushner and Donald Trump are all 69-ing wombats with each other in the Hamptons (not literally! that would be animal cruelty!), and a plane belonging to Russian oligarch Dmitry Rybolovlev just happens to be nearby. Then it flies to Nice, at which point nobody knows where the fuck all those Trump assholes are, because they sorta go radio silent. Then it flies to Dubrovnik, Croatia, and BING BONG SURPRISE! Ivanka and Jared are suddenly in Dubrovnik. They were hanging out with David Geffen and Wendi Deng! Ex-wife of Rupert Murdoch! Vladimir Putin's alleged ex-girlfriend! Who is probably maybe a Chinese spy handling Ivanka and Jared! It was in the Vanity Fair!

Simpson says there have been "rumors" of meetings of Trump people and Russians on yachts in Dubrovnik during that time. How odd.

POP QUIZ, GEOGRAPHY NERDS, DO YOU KNOW WHERE DUBROVNIK IS ON THE MAP? Spoiler, it is just across the Adriatic Sea from Italy!

Then Rybolovlev's plane went to Budapest. And what's really close to Budapest? Prague.

(Know who else went to Budapest during the campaign, probably to meet with Russians? LITERALLY EVERY FUCKING CREEP TRUMP CAMPAIGN ASSHOLE EVER. More on that in a minute.)

According to totally legit news sources, Rybolovlev's private plane had a weird habit during the 2016 campaign of shadowing or intersecting with Trump campaign stops all the fucking time. So ... was that plane doing carpool for Trumpers in August 2016? And if so, who all rode on that plane? Was it just dropping Trump fuckers off all over the continent? Was the Hamptons thing the equivalent of everybody's mom dropping them off at the church so the bus can take them to Bible camp, except replace the church bus with some fuckin' Russian's private jet and replace Bible camp with a Trumpo-Russian conspiracy to steal American democracy?

Next question!

WHO THE FUCK IS DMITRY RYBOLOVLEV?

Oh, how quickly you silly geese forget!

QUICK BACKGROUND: On August 3, 2016, there was a second bizarre Trump Tower treason meeting hosted by Donald Trump Jr., and attended by a whole buttload of Middle Easterners promising to help Trump win the election. Erik Prince, Betsy DeVos's sadist brother, was there. Stephen Miller, for some fucking reason, was there. George Nader, the Lebanese-American lobbyist who advised both Crown Prince Mohammed bin Zayed al-Nahyan of Abu Dhabi and Crown Prince Mohammed Bone Saw of Saudi Arabia, and is now a cooperating witness in the Mueller investigation, was there.

And Joel Zamel, an Israeli "social media specialist" who had a company called Psy-Group, was there. Zamel's companies have been tied both to Oleg Deripaska, AKA Putin's favorite oligarch, AKA Paul Manafort's old boss, and to Dmitry Rybolovlev, AKA the "fertilizer oligarch" who mysteriously bought Donald Trump's Florida mansion in 2008 for $100 million, after Trump had picked it up just recently in a fire sale for only about $40 million. Rybolovlev never moved in, and it has since been torn down. That's always been weird.

After the election, Nader paid Zamel two million bucks for some reason. Lapdances? Dogsitting? Or was it something else! During the campaign, Zamel had pitched guilty-ass Paul Manafort stooge Rick Gates on a plan to ratfuck both the Republican primary and the general election for Trump, but as far as we know, that didn't end up happening. AS FAR AS WE KNOW. Gates, of course, is a cooperating witness now, as is Paul Manafort, though apparently Manafort's not very good at cooperating. (If you'll recall, Zamel is one of the people Mueller's boys stopped at the airport and stole his Obamaphones, just like they did with Nader and several unnamed Russian oligarchs. Wonder which ones!)

Nader attended another strange Trump Tower meeting during the transition in December 2016, along with Jared Kushner, Steve Bannon, Michael Flynn and the goddamn crown prince of Abu Dhabi. He arranged that January 2017 Seychelles meeting, where Erik Prince magically ended up running into a Russian, Kirill Dmitriev, who chairs a state-owned sovereign wealth fund, seemingly to establish a secret "back channel" with Russia just before Trump's inauguration, because that's just a normal thing for incoming American presidential administrations to do. (It's also super normal to lie to Congress about such meetings, like Prince did.) Nader is also tied in with that bizarre Michael Flynn grift to "recolonize" the Middle East, by stealing its resources and dividing the spoils between everybody on Donald Trump's Christmas card list, including all the Russians.

So anyway, that is who Dmitry Rybolovlev is, and how he ties into this whole business.

Let's talk about AIRPLANE again! And also BOAT!

OK, on top of the weird plane traffic, Rybolovlev's yacht was definitely in Croatia in August 2016 when Javanka was there bumpin' uglies with Wendi Deng. (We don't literally mean they did sexual threesomes with each other! But maybe they did.)

According to Trump's people and Rybolovlev's people, all these brush passes between their camps have been just a series of comical coincidences, but we are beginning to maybe think these are all fucking liars so why should we believe them. It is also surely a coincidence that Rybolovlev's yacht "Anna" was seen bareback fucking Trump megadonor and Cambridge Analytica funder Robert Mercer's yacht in the British Virgin Islands this past March.

OK but if OLIGARCH A was dropping Trump people all over Europe in August 2016 (allegedly!), then where was OLIGARCH B, and where was HIS yacht?

Oleg Deripaska? He and his yacht were in Norway in early August 2016. He was traveling with Putin's buddy Sergei Prikhodko, Russia's deputy prime minister. A high-end escort from Belarus named Anastasia Vashukevich, AKA Nastya Rybka, was on the trip. She was later thrown in a Thai prison, after which point she started claiming she has recordings of Fuckin' Oleg, from that trip, talking about doing NO COLLUSION, NO COLLUSION, and so forth. Weirdly, Paul Manafort had just had a meeting with his Russian spy/business partner/co-defendant Konstantin Kilimnik back in New York, after exchanging emails all summer where Paul Manafort was offering Deripaska "briefings" on the Trump campaign, and expressing a desire to get "whole" with Deripaska. Days later, there's Fuckin' Oleg off the coast of Norway maybe talkin' shit about stealing an American election while an escort's tape recorder was running.

Rybka has gone pretty quiet on what she has in recent months, maybe because she would like to get out of Thai prison and she's hoping her erstwhile Russian pals will save her.

Weird how the timing on all this stuff lines up so nicely, though, isn't it?

Should it weird us out that Rybolovlev's plane went to Hungary after it (ALLEGEDLY) dropped Vanky and Jay-Kay off at the pool in Croatia?

MAYBE. Even if it didn't have Michael Cohen on it. Let's hit that Glenn Simpson testimony again, also in response to Adam Schiff's questions about "what else should we investigate, brah?" This brings us back up to Roger Stone, and ties in Paul Manafort and errrrrrrrbody else.


Carter Page went to Hungary. (September 2016, Labor Day weekend to be specific. Maybe he met some Russians, he cannot recall?)

JD Gordon went to Hungary a whole bunch. Sebastian Gorka went to Hungary. (Maybe Gorka was just seeing his Nazi family?)

And then there's all that stuff about Paul Manafort and Roger Stone and Donald Trump having weird Hungarian connections, all going back to this one weirdass gay reclusive guy from New York named Arthur Finkelstein, who, as we wrote recently, is, like, the original election ratfucker, and who worked in Hungary to effect the authoritarian takeover by Viktor Orbán, who is allll the way up Vladimir Putin's ass. Finkelstein was a New York buddy of Roy Cohn's and also of Donald Trump's, so he's obviously a nice guy. It also seems like he was the one who hooked Paul Manafort up with all the Russian oligarchs in the first place. There's an independent journalist who has been pretty sure that this entire Trump-Russia road leads back to Finkelstein and Hungary for quite a while now. We've never been sure how much to trust that theory, but we're starting to think he's had this pegged for a while now.

Above, we were talking about Joel Zamel, the Israeli dude connected to Rybolovlev and Deripaska. Know how he got hooked up with Rick Gates to offer his ratfucking services? That was George Birnbaum, a GOP consultant dude who's been described as Arthur Finkelstein's protégé.

Do we feel like Carrie Mathison from "Homeland" pinning shit all over her wall right now? Yes.

Does all the shit we've just thrown at the wall actually constitute a smoking gun? Fuck no, but we have a real good idea what Robert Mueller is looking at right now, and we're pretty sure the bull's eye of the proof he needs exists somewhere in the late summer of 2016, somewhere on the road between Italy and Hungary.

Here's a factoid we found that just convinces of that even more. Remember how Donald Trump and his Fox News and House GOP minions went apeshit over the sexting of Peter Strzok and Lisa Page, two FBI agents who worked on the Trump-Russia case and also used to sex-bang? We knew one of the reasons they gunned for Strzok was that he is the absolute expert on Russian espionage. We didn't know this about Lisa Page, though:

Page has deep experience with money laundering and organized crime cases, including investigations where she's partnered with an FBI task force in Budapest, Hungary, that focuses on eastern European organized crime. That Budapest task force helped put together the still-unfolding money laundering case against Ukrainian oligarch Dmitry Firtash, a one-time business partner of Manafort.

FUCK.

When Trump and his acolytes go after people, always always always go into their backgrounds and areas of expertise to see if you can find out the real reason they have targets on their backs.

Does Dmitry Rybolovlev getting detained and charged in a separate affair last week in Monaco have anything to do with this, or nah?

Dunno, but that happened.

Does Robert Mueller really think Jerome Goddamned Corsi was invited onto rich people European yachts and shit?

Dunno. Corsi doesn't seem like the beachy classy yacht type, but it's pretty interesting that Mueller was so very curious about Corsi's "anniversary trip to Italy" in July and August of 2016. Also note that if Cohen and all the others were in the Schengen zone, so was Corsi.

Maybe he didn't just go to Italy.

Well, Wonkette, if you're going to write a longass article like this, it seems ONLY FAIR that Robert Mueller indict some motherfuckers this week and tell us the rest of this story!

ONE WOULD THINK!

C'mon, Mueller. We see the Mad Libs of the Trump-Russia conspiracy now, and it only took us two years.

Time for you to FILL IN THE BLANKS.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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