Lev Parnas Maybe More F*cked. Who (Bill Barr) Will Save Rudy Giuliani Now????

Do us a favor real quick and remember everything we know about Bill Barr's Justice Department lately, including the fact that Barr has been personally intervening in cases related to Donald Trump, and has even been "micromanaging" certain cases at the usually crazy independent Southern District of New York (SDNY). Got all your knowledge about Barr's Justice Department and SDNY at the front of your brain?

Are you also remembering that Rudy Giuliani himself has been under criminal investigation by SDNY, but instead of a perp walk, we have learned recently that Giuliani has a secret shoe phone back channel to Bill Barr, so he can deliver all the absolute bullshit "evidence" against the Bidens he's been collecting from craven liars on his Ukraine vacations?

Did you read Liz's latest story about Bill Barr's ratfuckery at the DOJ for the benefit of Donald Trump's authoritarian pals in Turkey?


Now read this scoop from CNN, which is that already-indicted Rudy Giuliani pal Lev Parnas might end up with more indictments from SDNY:

Federal prosecutors are weighing new charges against associates of Rudy Giuliani in connection with a company that paid him $500,000, according to people familiar with the investigation.

Prosecutors with the US attorney's office for the Southern District of New York are considering whether to charge Giuliani associate Lev Parnas and at least one of his business partners with misleading potential investors for Fraud Guarantee, the Florida-based company that paid Giuliani, President Donald Trump's personal attorney, these people say.

OK, do we all remember the Fraud Guarantee? It is a fraud-fighty company started by Lev Parnas and the also-indicted David Correia, for the purposes of Fight Frauds, and not, as it sounds like, a company to guarantee that you are going to get frauded, if that is what you're looking for. They named it "Fraud Guarantee" so that when you googled "Lev Parnas" and "fraud" — we are not kidding — you would get results about the company, as opposed to other things that might come up when you google those things.

And Rudy Giuliani was to be paid many ameros in order to be the spokesmodel wearing the bikini for Fraud Guarantee. Oh, don't you want to buy some Fraud Guarantee now, on account of Rudy Giuliani is so very sexxxy?

Here is a video essay on Rudy Giuliani's involvement with Fraud Guarantee from the Wall Street Journal.

If you read CNN's report, it definitely does sound like Fraud Guarantee might have been involved in some hinky shit. And after Rudy Giuliani got involved with Fraud Guarantee, Lev Parnas and his associate Igor Fruman got involved with Rudy's hinky Ukraine shit.

The point is that all of this is very legal and very cool and very legit.

Here is what we find odd about this. We are sure Lev Parnas is guilty of some bad shit. Prosecutors seem to have him dead to rights on a lot of crimes! We are also pretty sure Rudy Giuliani is guilty of some big bad shit too.

But yet Rudy also reportedly has that secret shoe phone back channel to Attorney General Bill Barr, so he can send his Ukraine BS to the Justice Department. Now maybe that is all for show, and Bill Barr is just doing that to give Rudy a sense of false security so he'll just confess to a bunch of crimes and make the SDNY's job easier. In a sane world, that might be true. In a sane world where the Justice Department actually meant something, we'd say DANGER, RUDY GIULIANI, THEY ARE GETTING CLOSER!

But right now it just sounds more like they've decided to fuck Lev Parnas hardest and fastest, to give off the appearance of TUFF ON CRIME, while, at least so far, giving his boss/ringleader Rudy Giuliani, the guy who implemented all the Ukraine schemes with Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman for the benefit of Donald Trump, a totally free pass.

Meanwhile, Lev Parnas has been sharingall these receipts and kicking and screaming and jumping up and down about how hard he wants to cooperate with SDNY and with Congress.

Our grand thesis on this is that shit is weird and fucked up.

Prove us wrong, oh wait you can't.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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