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Shocking news, friends! Congress agreed on something. Well, at least the House did. And they agreed on something important too, not some resolution agreeing that Big Lots is running a really good sale right now on microwaves or something. They voted yesterday 420-zip on a nonbinding resolution saying that the report put together by Robert Mueller should be made public. Now, set aside your curiosity about exactly what Republicans are up to, because we are sure they are up to something and have some sort of ulterior and misguided reason why they all -- even Devin Nunes -- have agreed that the Mueller report should be public. We are sure that will reveal itself in the coming days.

Four Republicans voted present, including two wingnuts -- Paul Gosar and Matt Gaetz -- and two other Republicans, Thomas Massie and Justin Amash, who the New York Times says "routinely" oppose resolutions like this, because you know how liberatarians are, always full of REASONS. (Amash did a Twitter thread explaining REASONS. We'll get to it in a minute.)

So, of course Lindsey Graham blocked a similar nonbinding resolution in the Senate, because of course he did, because seriously Lindsey Graham, what the fuck do Trump, his buddies at the National Enquirer, and/or the Russians have on you? Is it super-gross, like knock us off our chair gross? Or are you just scared you're in Mueller's report in some significant way, and you're trying to hide that? WHAT, LINDSEY, WHAT?

It's not that Lindsey Graham doesn't want the findings public -- he totally does! -- it's just that he's "trying to find balance here," and by "balance" he means we need a second special counsel to investigate BUT HER EMAILS AND ALSO PETER STRZOK AND LISA PAGE AND CARTER PAGE (NO RELATION) AND DID THEY HAVE A SECRET SOCIETY AND AN INSURANCE POLICY TO STOP TRUMP FROM GETTING ELECTED AND ALSO LORETTA LYNCH AND BILL CLINTON ON THE TARMAC AND AIYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!


Yes, basically Lindsey Graham's objections are made of the same organic material as Sean Hannity's sharts.

So he introduced an amendment to Chuck Schumer's resolution, and his amendment was not adopted, therefore fuck it, Lindsey Graham gonna kill this thing live!

"Any American out there who did what Secretary Clinton did, you'd be in jail now," Graham declared. "The question I want to know is, does anybody other than me believe that?"

Not really anybody who's not currently under the care of a certified mental health professional, Linds! Also, please explain to us what Hillary Clinton did. Use full sentences and pictures, if necessary, and cite US code. We'll wait. After that, could you let us know what jail Colin Powell is in? We'd like to send him some money for the canteen.

"We let Mueller look at all things Trump related to collusion and otherwise. Somebody needs to look at what happened on the other side and find out if the FBI and the DOJ had two systems, one supporting the person they wanted to win and one out to get the person they wanted to lose."

"If the shoe were on the other foot," Graham said. "All hell would pay."

LOL it's funny because actually there was a rogue element in the FBI during the election, and it was guys in New York who were up Rudy Giuliani's asshole and leaking to him and Erik Prince and others (DEVIN NUNES) about how #PizzaGate was about to be revealed in Hillary's emails in the days just before the election. Indeed, they seemed to have foreknowledge of what was coming with James Comey's big surprise and it seemed they were trying to frame the narrative ahead of time. Simultaneously, there was internal pressure on Comey that if he didn't do a big October surprise, they would leak it themselves.

But sure, Linds, tell us more about BUT HER EMAILS and how we need a second special counsel.

As far as the Republicans who opposed it in in the House and thus voted "present," Matt Gaetz, that yapping large-headed shitbird, said he was fine with the report being public, it was just that the resolution said nice stuff about Robert Mueller, which goes against everything he believes as a dumb Trump-fellating young wingnut who can't find his ass with both hands and a breathalyzer test (allegedly!). Paul Gosar, the congress-dentist, is simply fucking insane, so we won't even bother to look around for whatever "reasons" he might have had to vote "present."

And here is Justin Amash on Twitter, 'splaining it all, or at least part of it:

So ... he's worried that if Mueller knows his report will be public ... he ... might not include the good stuff? HENGHHHH?

Oh well, 420-zero in the House, and we're sure Amash is making some sort of point, and again, that all the Republicans who voted for this did so for completely good faith reasons, because you know how Republicans are, acting in good faith so much you get sick of good faith.

Ayup.

[New York Times / Daily Beast]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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