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Surprise, Lindsey Graham Only Cares About Obstruction When Bill Clinton's Dong Is Involved

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It's been a little more than two decades since a Republican-controlled Congress impeached Bill Clinton for a range of blowjob related felonies, including obstruction of justice. Nothing Clinton did had any impact on national security or the economy. However, we were told that the presidency has high standards and we should hold Bubba to them. That was all bullshit. Most of the Republicans championing Clinton's impeachment and removal in 1998 are now shrugging off Donald Trump's Godfather cosplay, as documented in the Mueller Report.

Take for instance our home state shame Lindsey Graham. whose soul Trump keeps in a Mason jar on his desk. When Mueller's report was released last week, Graham declared the case officially closed. NO COLLUSION.

GRAHAM: It's over. It's over, for me. Unless there's something in the report that suggests Mueller did not say there was no collusion or ... if he says, you know, 'I can't decide on obstruction, you decide,' the decision by [Attorney General Bill Barr] is OK with me. If the report indicates no collusion found by Mueller, done, over, for me."

Looks like it's not "over," though, because Barr's lip-synched performance of the Mueller Report mangled quite a few lyrics. Barr skipped right over the verse where Mueller states he can't absolve Trump of wrongdoing (probably because he's the special counsel, not a bought-off priest).


Mueller's report can't indicate "no collusion" because "collusion" isn't a legal term. The report does indicate lots of shady interactions between Trump's campaign and Russia. That's probably worth investigating if we had a co-equal branch of government whose Constitutional duty demanded investigating this sort of thing. Oh, and Mueller also says the following:

"The conclusion that Congress may apply obstruction laws to the President's corrupt exercise of the powers of office accords with our constitutional system of checks and balances and the principle that no person is above the law."

That is literally "I can't decide on obstruction, you decide." However, Graham, the Senate's ranking Trump sycophant, told McClatchy yesterday that he's not interested in hearing more from Mueller himself. He's certainly not going to "retry the case" that has not yet been tried.

Graham's "Anything Goes" approach to the executive branch is an obvious contrast to his position when Clinton was in office. Then Graham believed impeachment wasn't about punishing someone who committed an actual crime you could actually prove. It was about "cleansing the office." Does anyone believe the Trump's White House doesn't stink to high hell? There's a Kellyanne Conway roaming free.

Barr grossly suggested Trump's light obstruction was an understandable result of his "anger and frustration." Trump was worried the Russia investigation would "undermine" his presidency by exposing its illegitimacy. Clinton probably rightly believed that Ken Starr and his blowjob enforcers were needlessly harassing him, but no Republican considered that a valid defense. They didn't even bother to mime playing a tiny violin for him.

Did Trump obstruct justice when he fired James Comey? Did he order his press secretary to knowingly lie? Hell, that was just "Phase One" in a Marvel movie series of obstruction. Trump advanced to "Phase Two" when he feared Mueller was investigating him personally.

"At that point, the president engaged in a second phase of conduct, involving public attacks on the investigation, non-public efforts to control it, and efforts both in public and private to encourage witnesses not to cooperate with the investigation," the report states.

Mueller lists ten possible acts of obstruction. Congress better get a move on, since 1998 Graham already said you don't need to wait for the president to utter certain "magic phrases" to prove obstruction.

Graham was one of the lead "prosecutors" of Clinton in the House. When he testified before the Senate, he said there was "no doubt" Clinton's orgasms were somehow "high crimes." But it wasn't just about the sex. It was the lying about the sex. The Republicans cry "no collusion!" while ignoring the standard their party set decades ago that a president lying to avoid embarrassment or to otherwise save his own skin is ultimately an impeachable offense.

GRAHAM: I have lost no sleep worrying about the fact that Bill Clinton might have to be removed from office because of his conduct. I have lost tons of slept thinking he may get away with what he did.

Graham is not a hypocrite so much as he is a partisan hack, whose only core belief is "Republicans Losing Power Bad/Republicans Gaining Power Good." This is probably why who Lindsey Graham sleeps with has never interested us that much. It's how he manages to sleep through the night that continues to baffle us.

[CBS News / McClatchy]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Seattle. However, he's more reliable for food and drink recommendations in Portland, where he spends a lot of time for theatre work. His co-adaptation of "Jitterbug Perfume" by Tom Robbins is playing NOW at Pioneer Square's Cafe Nordo. All Wonketters welcome.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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