Little Marco Rubio, the GOP senator from Florida, is doing his big mad dance! He is hopping and jumping and and bouncing and putting on the cutest little cowboy costume with the chaps and the hat and he is saying "pew! pew!" in the air with plastic toy guns!

This is kind of what Marco Rubio would look like right now, if Marco Rubio was cute.

Giphy

Why are we talking so disrespectfully about Rubio's surely very serious and righteous anger right now? Oh, just because he wrote a big mad huffy letter to President Joe Biden, like he's a real grown-up or something, demanding Joint Chiefs Chair General Mark Milley be fired for undermining former barely elected clownfuck president Donald Trump, as Bob Woodward's new book reports Milley did. (Hit that link for a recap if you need it.)


Of course, Milley was reportedly undermining Trump in order to protect America and the world from getting literally blown up because Trump's fragile ego was having a temper tantrum, but Rubio does not choose to huff and puff about that, because Milley is not Rubio's daddy, Trump is.

Here is some text from Rubio's whiny letter:

I write with grave concern regarding recent reporting that General Mark Milley, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, worked to actively undermine the sitting Commander in Chief of the United States Armed Forces and contemplated a treasonous leak of classified information to the Chinese Communist Party in advance of a potential armed conflict with the People's Republic of China (PRC). These actions by General Milley demonstrate a clear lack of sound judgement [sic], and I urge you to dismiss him immediately.

It has been reported that General Milley spoke with his counterpart in the People's Liberation Army after learning the PRC was worried about escalating tensions as a result of military exercises conducted in the South China Sea. Reportedly, General Milley told his counterpart: "[y]ou and I have known each other for now five years. If we're going to attack, I'm going to call you ahead of time. It's not going to be a surprise." I do not need to tell of you the dangers posed by senior military officers leaking classified information on U.S. military operations, but I will underscore that such subversion undermines the President's ability to negotiate and leverage one of this nation's instruments of national power in his interactions with foreign nations.

All of that might be true, but don't y'all love how he's just glossing over how the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff felt the need to reassure China that we would not be starting a hot nuke war, on account of Trump's flaccid down theres feeling extra-wounded that day? None of this would have happened if America had at the time had a legitimate president worthy of global respect and capable of doing the job. Had we had a real president, nobody would have had to wonder if we might be GOING TO WAR WITH FUCKING CHINA, LITTLE MARCO.

Even more egregiously, reports indicate that General Milley interfered with the procedures by which the civilian commander-in-chief can order a nuclear strike. He purportedly instructed officials not to take orders without his involvement and forced them to take an oath to that effect. A senior military officer interfering with that civilian-controlled process is simply unacceptable at best, and at worst, would cause ambiguity which could lead to war.

Another thing that could have led to war would have been Trump ordering a nuclear strike because his morning Big Mac poopies had gone poorly that day.

General Milley has attempted to rationalize his reckless behavior by arguing that what he perceived as the military's judgement [sic again] was more stable than its civilian commander. It is a dangerous precedent that could be asserted at any point in the future by General Milley or others. It threatens to tear apart our nation's longstanding principle of civilian control of the military.

We agree. It's terrifying that in this case, it could have been credibly argued that the military's judgment was better than the civilian president's. And yes, it sets a terrible precedent that shouldn't be repeated. Ever.

Of course, we disagree with Little Marco on how to make sure that never happens again. We think we should never again allow authoritarian fascists who happen to be the stupidest person ever to escape from God's throwaway pile to become president of the United States. Rubio, on the other hand, thinks the solution is:

You must immediately dismiss General Milley. America's national security and ability to lead in the world are at stake.

Get fucked.

To be clear, it's not that everything Marco Rubio is saying is untrue, it's just that he hasn't earned the right to make the point, because he's been slobbering over the crumbs in Donald Trump's happy trail ever since Trump humiliated him in the 2016 GOP primary.

Your favorite impeachment witness, Alexander Vindman, also believes that if Woodward's reporting is true, Milley should resign, arguing that Milley "usurped civilian authority, broke Chain of Command, and violated the sacrosanct principle of civilian control over the military." Vindman adds, "It's an extremely dangerous precedent. You can't simply walk away from that."

While we are not sure we agree with Vindman's conclusions, we respect his train of thought. And if you look at the comments on Vindman's tweet, you'll see more thoughtful discussion, some agreeing, some disagreeing, and taken together they really break down the nuance of where Milley was, and how much danger we were in, especially in the final days of Trump. We tend to agree with the person who tweeted that "the rules weren't written for the situation our country faced."

Point is, for a nuanced and interesting discussion, go to Vindman's Twitter comments. To laugh in the general direction of Marco Rubio even thinking he's got a seat at this grownups' table, stay right here.

[Yappy weener dog letter]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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