Photo: Gage Skidmore (2019), Creative Commons License 2.0

This afternoon, President Joe Biden will sign a bill awarding four Congressional Gold Medals in recognition of the Capitol Police and all law enforcement that protected the Capitol on January 6 from Donald Trump's unhinged mob of white terrorists. It's a no-brainer if you love America, which is why a number of Republicans in the House didn't vote for it, obviously. According to the text of the bill, H.R. 3325, one medal will go to the Capitol Police, one to the DC Metro Police, one to the Smithsonian, we guess for whatever Y'all Qaeda exhibit they're putting together, and one will stay at the Capitol.

After signing the bill, Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris will deliver remarks in the Rose Garden.


The Senate passed the bill this week by unanimous consent, which surprised us a bit, because we figured Rand Paul would find some way to shit on it and shove it up his ass along with an upside down American flag.

Twelve House Republicans voted against the original bill that passed in March. They didn't like how it referred to the terrorist insurrectionists as "insurrectionists." We imagine they were mad because that's just a really rude way to refer to those congressmen's Facebook friends, allegedly. Once this final bill came to the floor in June, the number of Republicans who didn't like thanking the police who protected them from Trump's unbathed terrorists had risen to 21.

The Washington Post reminds us of who was agin' it the first time:

Reps. Andy Biggs (Ariz.), Thomas Massie (Ky.), Andy Harris (Md.), Lance Gooden (Tex.), Matt Gaetz (Fla.), Marjorie Taylor Greene (Ga.), Louie Gohmert (Tex.), Michael Cloud (Tex.), Andrew S. Clyde (Ga.), Greg Steube (Fla.), Bob Good (Va.) and John Rose (Tenn.).

Just a bunch of seditionist shitbags.

Weirdly, Lance Gooden changed his mind and voted for the final version. But 10 more Republicans were like oh no, on second thought, FUCK THA PO-LICE, making a total of 21 Republicans in opposition to the final bill. Who are the 10 extras?

Those Republicans are Reps. Lauren Boebert (Colo.), Barry Moore (Ala.), Ralph Norman (S.C.), Matthew M. Rosendale (Mont.), Chip Roy (Tex.), Paul A. Gosar (Ariz.), Warren Davidson (Ohio), Scott Perry (Pa.), Jody Hice (Ga.) and Mary Miller (Ill.).

Just a bunch more seditionist shitbags. May they all hang their heads in shame, and whenever they meet their Maker, may their Lord give them that look that says, "I'm not surprised. I'm just disappointed."

Anyway, fuck 'em.

All real Americans know who the heroes were that day, and were reminded when Capitol and DC police testified before the first hearing of the House select committee investigating January 6.

In related news, DC Metro Police Officer Michael Fanone — you know, the hot one who says "fuck" a whole bunch on CNN — got himself on the cover of Time, and there's quite a cover story to go with it. You oughta read it, after you're done watching this Rose Garden ceremony.

Oh yeah, and it's your open thread, so don't be expecting Wonkette to make you laugh ever again until tomorrow, because this is the last post of the day.

Watch:

[Washington Post]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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