Liveblogging 800 States At Once, Forever
Ruh roh, the Republicans might have a fight after all, now that Rush Limbaugh has yelled at John McCain so much. Anyway, let's liveblog... MSNBC! And maybe other channels too. But really, does it get any better than MSNBC?
8:05 -- ESPN's Keith Olbermann shouts O-BAM-a, which is the more racist inflection. Wait, is he a Jew? Nevermind.
8:09 -- Nora O'Donnell says something about how hot she is, Jesus, Nora O'Donnell is beautiful. Also, Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney are fighting over "dirty tricks," back room deals. Nora O'Donnell says, "I mean, OUCH!" That's right, Nora: Ouch.
8:10 -- Here's what we're "learning nationally about Hispanic Voters": They are voting Clinton over Obama, 61% to 38%. Just like Bill Clinton said -- the Mexicans HATE BLACK AFRICANS.
8:13 -- Olbermann says Hillary has a "paper lead" against Barry in New Jersey, and something like that in Connecticut too.
8:15 -- Keith and Chris Matthews agree: This is a historic night for them to be
rooting for Obama watching history happen.
8:16 -- After just shitting their pants about Clinton losing in Tennessee after 7 votes were counted, they now called Tennessee for Clinton. But still: history can Change?
8:18 -- Flavor of Love 3 will be on Comcast On Demand this month. This means nothing to most of you, who aren't seeing the same commercials. But it probably says something about Huckabee's underdog status meaning Verizon will win Connecticut 50-49% over Michael Dukakis.
8:21 -- Florida Sen. Mel Martinez says the results clearly indicate John McCain will win the presidency tonight, times ten. Matthews says "BUT THEN WHY DON'T ALL OF THE SILLY BILLY REPUBLICANS LOOOOVE HIM??" Martinez responds, "Well, people think things, America, go... America."
8:23 -- Chris Matthews: "Huckabee won't die!" (paraphrase, but not by much)
8:26 -- So... what is actually happening in the world? I went to the world's most reliable source and found a bunch of very readable text. DRUDGE BOMB:
8:28 -- Back to sex jokes: Tom Brokaw wants to fuck Eli Manning, who is Barack Obama. So both are lucky pussies? Best metaphor of the political season.
8:30 -- This election is the strangest thing that has ever happened to Tom Brokaw's long career of hosting teevee and looking at data. Basically, he's old and has seen lots of shit, so... RFK FTW!
8:32 -- Clinton and Huckabee win Arkansas, together! For once, we'll let those 0% of precincts slide.
8:34 -- California... can we just see who won that, even though we won't know until never? CAN YOU JUST PROJECT IT?
8:35 -- John McCain wins Delaware -- Who gives a flying fuck! California, that, that.
8:37 -- ALERT: SWITCHING TO FOX NEWS, THE ROVE IS ON IT.
8:38 -- Karl Rove says McCain-Huckabee ticket would be "double yer trouble." Karl Rove is correct! Those are the two fags in the party.
8:39 -- "Sanford" in South Carolina, Chris Wallace says, has been mentioned "on the blogs" as a possibility for a McCain nominee. But what about Sanford's sons? Wokka wokka.
8:43 -- A man on the Fox News is petting the big teevee screen.
8:44 -- He is petting it to convey the "stress and suspense" of Super Duper Tuesday.
8:45 -- Fox News is now talking to a human named "Major Garrett" at the Clinton Headquarters. Is he a regular? Or just an Iraq vet with PTSD who wound up covering Democrats for Fox News on Super Duper Tuesday?
8:47 -- I think I hear the track to Dizzee Rascal's "Fix Up, Look Sharp" in the background at Clinton's headquarters. He's a black rapper from England -- "Pinhead!"
8:54 -- Yes, Laura Ingraham does very much suck.
8:55 -- RONALD REGAGANNREONALD REAGANGANNGANRONALD REANGGA RONNY BONNY REAGAN FEAGAN RONNNNNALD
8:55 -- Ken Layne will be liveblogging at 9, or some other time around 9.
8:56 -- WHY is Harold Ford, seducer of foxy white belles, on the Fox News? Oh, Harold Ford -- the poor man's Barack Obama.
8:59 -- Now the Fox News man is petting Minnesota.
8:59 -- Calls at top of the hour: Brit Hume says they'll make a call on New York that's unsurprising, BUT HE WON'T SAY UNTIL 9! NEW LIVEBLOG SOON! YOU WILL HAVE TO WAIT AS WELL...