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Liveblogging Barack Obama Saving The Economy

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Hey so has Barack Obama bailed out everyone, personally, yet? No? Your editor comes late to this outing because she is (SHHHHH) blogging from her Ladies' Book Club for Ladies, or as Ken Layne calls it, "The Ladies' Regional Cooking Book Club." So if the commentary here is less than enlightened, it's because your editor is surrounded by drunk ladies who are trying to play the Wonkette drinking game while also talking about literature.


9:36 PM -- Oh yoiks this is a high definition TV we're looking at, and Charlie Rangel is frightening. Everybody looks alarmingly pink.

9:36 PM -- Did Ken already mention that Nancy Pelosi looks like an extra from Star Trek? At least she is not blinking constantly.

9:38 PM -- Ooh inside scoop! One Ladies' Book Club attendee reports that she saw Nancy Pelosi once in a clinic in New Orleans, and she is tiny. Like, under 5'4" in extremely high heels. Sorry, this is the sort of edgy commentary you'll get for the next half hour, while your editor cannot actually hear anything on the teevee.

9:39 PM -- A passionate argument breaks out about how old Nancy Pelosi is. In her 50s? Her 70s? "No way is she 69," says someone, which is sort of true, because she'll be 69 in March. "I have new feelings about facelifts and Botox," says another Lady.

9:40 PM -- Something about green energy or something? Right, renewable energy will free us from the Arabs and save polar bears.

9:41 PM -- "Years of bad decision making..." An impassioned plea to save the auto industry. Why does all the cheering sound like boos? It is very low pitched. Dang it, we forgot to include the phrase, "But this is America!" in your Wonkette drinking game.

9:42 PM -- Closing loopholes...Is it a coincidence that every audible snippet that comes from this television just conveys some blurb from Obama's stump speech, or is this whole address like that?

9:45 PM -- Who is that confused-looking man they just zoomed in on? Is that the guy from North Dakota who had the brain problem? THAT WAS NOT CANCER, MAN.

9:45 PM -- "There will be many different opinions and ideas," all of which President Obama will feel free to ignore, because HE WON.

9:45 PM -- Healthcare reform in our lifetime! Well, that would be nice, but come on. We do not have another trillion dollars where the last trillion came from.

9:46 PM -- "We have one of the highest high-school dropout rates in the history of civilization." Everybody jump up and cheer! We're #1!

9:47 PM -- Obama is going to bail out the Educations, too.

9:48 PM -- "Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams are engaged." It is impossible to hear our president over the din of celebrity gossip in this room. Sorry, friends!

9:48 PM -- Holy wow, everybody SPRINGS from their seats to applaud quitting on your country. Did Obama just wink at somebody? Patrick Kennedy?

9:49 PM -- Senator Orin Hatch, elbowed by his neighbor. Lindsey Graham fidgeting. The whole audience is rapt. Barack Obama would remind you that he is a parent, of children, who learn both at home and in school. Hmm, and a segue into fiscal responsibility via filial duty.

9:52 PM -- A laugh! And then boos and cheers! Jesus, suddenly this is a meeting in the House of Commons.

9:54 PM -- Nancy Pelosi, grinning gleefully at no-bid contracts in Iraq. Every time she stands up her jacket just looks weirder.

9:55 PM -- Holy cats, Hillary Clinton is brightly attired. This television screen makes every woman in the audience look like she's wearing the same exact loud shade of fuchsia.

9:56 PM -- We are also suffering from a deficit of trust! Aww, poetry. End the war. Ha, what do you think of THAT, John McCain? He looks a little sour. He is still sore over the other night's helicopter debate.

9:58 PM -- Hmm, who is this fellow up in the gallery there? No idea, but we can tell you all about one Book Group gal's failed attempts to set up a friend with another Book Group gal's friend. It did not work out, too bad. Oh politics.

10:00 PM -- Wasn't this speech sort of billed as a "just talk about the munniez" sort of speech? Because he seems to be covering all the bases here.

10:02 PM -- Hmm, contemplate this: Joe Biden, who says nothing, gets a glass of water, while our brave President gets no water at all.

10:03 PM -- Brief aside: You see that mustachioed gent next to Chesley Sullenberger? That was his assistant guy, the "first mate" or whatever, and he was on Charlie Rose recently and was awesome. At one point he gave Charlie this look like "are you retarded?" when he explained that the engines get the plane in the air but then the wings keep it aloft.

10:05 PM -- Oh now we are in the part where he singles out the "ordinary Americans," such as the bank CEO who was wealthy enough to donate $60 million to his employees.

10:06 PM -- Man, how rad would that be to be a kid in high school or junior high or whatever and get to sit next to Michelle Obama during the president's big speechy? Pretty great. They must have coordinated (purple) outfits.

10:08 PM -- This is the "yes we can" portion of the speech, about America's enduring spirit, &c. Annd it's over, huzzah!

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What did we say this morning? Something about how "They want a war with Iran," and "Please do not listen to news reports about Trump telling his people to cool their jets with the Iran talk, because they want a war with Iran, and all they are looking for is their trigger"?

News came out early this morning that Iran shot down a US drone in the Strait of Hormuz, outside Iranian waters. Let's see what our president and his war-bonering GOP shitmouths in Congress have had to say about that:

Great. Just great. So what's happening now?

Awesome. Just splendid. Trump is having a cuddle party today with John Bolton (who's had a hard-on to bomb Iran since the Bush administration); Mike Pompeo (who's been making the rounds lying and saying Iran and al Qaeda are best friends, thus implying that it's very legal and very cool for Trump to strike Iran without congressional authorization, based on the Authorization for Use of Military Force (AUMF) Congress voted for five days after 9/11); and Patrick Shanahan, the outgoing acting Defense secretary, who will make way for another acting Defense secretary, because who needs real Defense secretaries? (The new guy, Mark Esper, is part of the meeting too.) And as Senator Schatz points out above, Trump is emotionally unstable and doesn't know dick about foreign policy, so it's just great that he's having an emergency meeting with these unhinged hawks about this right now.

Tell us what this all means, unhinged hawk Lindsey Graham!

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Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

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