Bill Barr Is Literally Fake News

Good morning! At very long last, Donald Trump's sniveling henchman at Justice, Attorney General Bill Barr, will be sitting down in the House Judiciary Committee to face griling from Democrats. And where will they even start? It's been so long since he's testified, and the sheer number of abuses of power Barr has helped Trump commit in the past few months are breathtaking.

We haven't heard from him since before Trump was impeached, so there are all the questions about how Barr helped Trump abuse power by working to hide the Ukraine whistleblower complaint from Congress, and absolving Trump of all guilt related to that, and by "that," we mean how Trump extorted a country that was attacked by one of our adversaries to help him steal the 2020 election.

And there are all the rule of law abuses of power since then, like the fuckery with the Roger Stone sentencing and the fuckery with the Michael Flynn case.

And there's the fuckery with Barr's bumblefucked machinations to interfere with the work of the Southern District of New York AND the Eastern District of New York AND the Washington DC US attorney's office, in order to protect Donald Trump from any investigations that might endanger him.

And there's his precious John Durham investigation, where the US attorney from Connecticut is INVESTIGATIN' THE INVESTIGATORS, to "prove" that Barack Obama and the FBI did OBAMAGATE to Trump and FRAMED him for a RUSSIAN HOAX. (Expect Republicans to waste a lot of time on that today.)

And oh God, all of that is aside from what will perhaps be top of mind for many lawmakers, namely what exact fucking Gestapo is he using to attack American cities and create chaos for the benefit of Donald Trump in advance of the 2020 election. You know, that little thing.


Barr released his opening statement last night, and in case you weren't sure what a piece of shit he really is, you can read along:

In the first graf Barr says he wants to "pay his respects" to Congressman John Lewis, and then immediately tries to pull Lewis over to his side by saying Lewis was "an indomitable champion of civil rights and the rule of law," as if Bill Barr is a champion of either one of those things. But it's useful for Barr's message today, which is made-up clown lies about how Antifa and Black Lives Matter have invaded America, which is why he has to send his Gestapo in to our cities to attack citizens.

By paragraph three, Barr is bitching that "Ever since I made it clear that I was going to do everything I could to get to the bottom of the grave abuses involved in the bogus 'Russiagate' scandal, many of the Democrats on this Committee have attempted to discredit me by conjuring up a narrative that I am simply the President's factotum who disposes of criminal cases according to his instructions." You know, if he was an honest man who wasn't just a Fox News-huffing moron, he probably wouldn't have framed it as the "bogus 'Russiagate' scandal," leading us to believe he reached his conclusion before he even started investigating. But he's not an honest man. He lied about what was in the Mueller Report, and he'll lie today. He's a hack.

Barr offers some platitudes about how George Floyd's death just really made him feel things, before whining about the REAL problem (to him), which is that some people "promot[e] slogans like ACAB (All Cops Are Bastards), and mak[e] grossly irresponsible proposals to defund the police." (Which just shows that this particular bastard cop hasn't read the fucking proposals.) Lots of WAH WAH WAH thin blue line shit, what about black-on-black crime, giant wanking motion, moving on.

Then he defends his Gestapo shit, bellyaching about "violent rioters and anarchists." We'll have much more time to tear this opening statement apart as Barr gives it, and as members of the Committee question him over the course of 100 hours today. It's all lies, and the sooner this stain on humanity is no longer attorney general -- which we achieve by kicking Donald Trump's ass at the polls on November 3 -- the better off we'll all be.

Here is your livestream, and below that, we liveblog.

Live: Attorney General Barr Testifies Before House Judiciary Committee | NBC News www.youtube.com

11:03: In case you hadn't heard, we were delayed because Jerry Nadler was in a car accident, don't worry HE IS FINE. But it delayed things.

It's getting started soon, though, ALLEGEDLY.

While we're waiting, everybody say your least favorite thing about Bill Barr's face.

11:09: And we begin! Jerry Nadler says sorry about car accident, everybody is fine, but the car isn't! We are glad everybody is OK.

Nadler begins by saying HI BILL BARR, this is your first time at the House Judiciary Committee. Normal attorneys general come here all the time! Do you need to know where the potty is, or is that just that look you always have on your face?

11:12: Look at that surly motherfucker.

11:15: NADLER: After Trump humiliated his first AG, he found your dumb ass. Now let's make a list of your failures.

11:16: NADLER: You lie about voter fraud, you're fucking with the census, you make up bullshit conspiracy theories about the Mueller investigation, you're a garbage fire from hell, and I hate you.

11:18: Jim Jordan begins his opening statement before Nadler even stops speaking, saying "SPYING!" Because of how Jim Jordan knows Obama spied on Trump, and Jim Jordan knows about spying, because BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.

SALACIOUS UNVERIFIED DOSSIER! CLINTONS! OUT OF CONTEXT QUOTES FROM CHRISTOPHER STEELE!

Jim Jordan is not even here to do oversight, he is just here to get clips on Hannity and keep ignoring what he knows about sexual abuse by the team doc at Ohio State University.

11:25: Jim Jordan's screaming stream of consciousness is basically what Bill Barr believes inside his squirrel brain, so we guess it's useful. Of course, he's getting details wrong in the timeline of his own conspiracy theory, as Marcy Wheeler is explaining in her live-tweets.

Oh and now he is showing a video. It is some thin blue line propaganda bullshit. This is Jim Jordan angrily watching his video:

11:28: This video Jim Jordan is showing is basically an AIYEEEEE RUN AWAY, WHITE PEOPLE! campaign commercial for President Grand Wizard.

11:30: If Jim Jordan and Bill Barr ever wondered what they would be doing in 1930s Germany, or America in the days leading up to the Civil War, they are showing us right now. Also this is a really long fucking video. It's just dishonestly cut together footage of really tense moments from protests.

We don't know how much of the footage is from the Ukrainian protests for democracy in 2014, so don't ask.

11:34: Nadler says that video was a bunch of bullshit, and the Republicans didn't follow the rules for showing long-ass videos during opening statements. Now introducing Barr.

11:37: Bill Barr promises to lie, we guess.

11:38: Bill Barr says he didn't even want to come back and ruin America with his bullshit un-American notions of executive power in service of a criminal president. He was happy being a granddaddy! But oh well, here we are.

Now doing all his bullshit platitudes about how George Floyd's death was very sad, but he's got some statistics that say the police are awesome and WHAT ABOUT BLACK-ON-BLACK ANTIFA?

11:40: BARR: Racism in police departments? PFFFFFT. It's more complex than that!

But anyway, let's talk about how it's bad to be mean to cops, and why I have chosen to send the gestapo to American cities to foment chaos to help President Crime Boss steal re-election. (Or something. Also is the sound quality very bad, or is that something that is happening inside our brain skull?)

11:45: Nadler going directly after Barr's lies about what happened in Kansas City. Liz did a nice recap for you about that right here.

NADLER: Did you rebrand existing programs to help Trump with his re-election, as part of his tough on crime bullshit?

BARR: Lie.

NADLER: Have you talked about Trump's re-election with Trump or anybody else in the White House?

BARR: Lie.

11:48: NADLER: Can you commit that you won't use law enforcement as a prop to help Trump get re-elected?

BARR: Durrrrrrr

NADLER: You're full of shit. The protests were winding down before you even started invading with your fucking stormtroopers. Eat me, and by "me," I mean America. "Shame on you, Mr. Barr. Shame on you."

Bill Barr would like to respond, but Nadler doesn't give a fuck.

11:51: We are all Jerry Nadler listening to Bill Barr's lies.

11:53: BARR: You all say I punish the president's enemies and help his friends. Show me ONE ENEMY I have punished.

Now Barr is saying Roger Stone was treated UNFAIR because "first time offender" (LOLOL) and "no violence," which is a white racist dogwhistle we are pretty sure. He does say he thinks Roger Stone should have gone to jail, though.

Anyway, weenus Republican Rep. Johnson from Louisiana is reciting Jim Jordan talking points about spying, and about how Eric Holder said he was Obama's "wingman."

11:55: Democrat Zoe Lofgren: You are tear-gassing mommies in Portland. Is that really #BeBest?

11:59: Is our Judiciary Committee learning? Because Bill Barr is really good at lying and obfuscating and rejecting the premise of your question and whatnot, and Democrats are not letting him. Whenever he does it, they're like "Yeah go fuck worms, my next question is about this other thing."

12:01: Garbage mouth Rep. Johnson of Louisiana very mad that Democrats "who choose not to come to work" (to not get COVID) are not silencing their cell phones. Nadler says no, that is not a point of order, and now YOU may go fuck worms.

12:05: GOP Rep. Steve Chabot: If the local authorities in Portland would do jackbooted stormtrooper fascism to their own people, would you even have to send the feds to do it?

BARR: Nope!

CHABOT: It's very unkind to call the stormtroopers "stormtroopers," I think.

BARR: Stormtrooper Lives Matter! (Obviously he did not say that literally, because we did not put quotes around it.)

12:07: SHEILA JACKSON-LEE: Are you familiar with the talk Black parents have with their children?

BARR: Yes.

JACKSON-LEE: No you don't. You believe there is systemic racism in policing?

BARR: It's complex! Also no.

JACKSON-LEE: Reclaiming my time, go fuck worms.

12:09: Rep. Jackson-Lee is giving Barr real facts and statistics. Wonkette has already examined why Barr's statistics are damn lies.

12:15: Louie Gohmert is playing his big homemade banjo, saying the federal government should "shut down the protests" during coronavirus, and Bill Barr hasn't considered that, because really, Bill Barr is probably not fascist enough for Louie Gohmert.

GOHMERT: Do yew know about the Marxists?

BARR: I know about them!

GOHMERT: Bill Clinton fired a bunch of US attorneys! Why is Geoffrey Berman bein' such a stinker?

BARR: Oh, he was totally right, but I'm going to say he was wrong anyway.

GOHMERT: I have some conspiracy theories about Bruce Ohr now! Why you not fire him yet?

BARR: I am not here to talk about personnel matters.

GOHMERT: I am sorry for everything the Democrats do to upset you.

And now Democratic Rep. Steve Cohen will yell at Barr.

12:19: Cohen is explaining how much bullshit Trump's Bible photo op was, about how the protesters were peaceful, and so on. Barr tries to cut in and say NUH UH they were not peaceful. Cohen says GO FUCK WORMS and moves on to Portland.

Like we said, we think our Judiciary Democrats may be learning!

12:21: COHEN: Maybe your stormtroopers are shitty and bad at their jobs, just like your Bureau of Prisons people who managed to let Jeffrey Epstein commit suicide on your watch.

Also Judge Reggie Walton read you for filth about your lies and excuses about the Mueller Report. Barr is like "can in respond?" Nah, Cohen is entering stuff into the record about Barr's garbage political interference with Michael Cohen and Michael Flynn and Roger Stone and all these former DOJ officials calling for Barr's resignation.

Oh yeah, and the letter from over 80 percent of Barr's law school faculty, condemning Barr.

In response, shitmouth Rep. Johnson of Louisiana is like "OH YEAH, WELL JERRY NADLER SAID ANTIFA IS A MYTH!"

They are literally not letting him talk.

Now Doug Collins is doing his redneck carnival barker shit. He is very upset that we will never stop calling Barr's stormtroopers "stormtroopers." Bill Barr thinks that is very irresponsible :(

12:26: COLLINS: Was Michael Flynn FRAAAAAAAAAMED?

BARR: I asked a totally independent US attorney ally of mine and they said yes, he was FRAAAAAAAAAMED. (You know, because it was a mystery to Flynn that lying to federal agents was bad.)

12:33: Democratic Rep. Hank Johnson is NOT HAVING BILL BARR'S SHIT about Barr's interference in the Roger Stone sentencing, will not have his excuses, will not have his lies about how it wasn't Trump's whine-tweets that made that happen, will not have his shit about how the original sentencing recommendations were not completely sound and within DOJ policy.

Y'all, Barr is so mad.

12:35: This is going so poorly for Barr and Republicans that Jim Jordan just cut in to whine that Barr isn't being allowed to answer questions.

GOP Rep. Ken Buck says something about goon squads, but he's saying it's the DEMOCRATS in the DEMOCRAT cities doing goon squads, not Trump and Barr. Uh huh.

Says Democrats are "cheering as [their] fascist militia Antifa" rages in the streets lololololol can we all remember that "Antifa" is mostly imaginary, at least the way Republicans talk about it?

12:38: Ken Buck has wholly invented a story about Antifa invading Denver or something, it is DRAMA.

12:39: Ken Buck just asked with a straight face how to use RICO to destroy Antifa, which is mostly a monster who lives under Ken Buck's bed.

12:40: BUCK: Mr. Barr, do you want to respond to any of the Democrat attacks?

BARR: I ...

DEMOCRATS: Time's up.

And Barr asks for a recess. LOL.

12:50: Democratic Rep. Ted Deutch just went up and down Barr about his interference in the Roger Stone sentencing, and Barr kept whining, "THE JUDGE AGREED WITH ME!" and Deutch was like "don't give a shit, go fuck worms, that's not my question," and Barr didn't want to answer Deutch's actual question, and Barr did not get to respond, and now GOP idiot Martha Roby is asking about totally unrelated stuff.

12:53: Barr completely ignores Roby's question and then tells his own version of why Roger Stone Did Nothing Wrong, because come on, it's not like the Trump crime syndicate is anything like the MAFIA, why would you do a MAFIA-type sentence for the Trump crime syndicate, which is totally different? Also Barr thinks it matters that Randy Credico, the witness Stone threatened, said later that he didn't feel threatened.

12:56: Roby goes back to her questions, which were about child explotation, and we cannot express how little Barr seemed to care about that.

Karen Bass takes over. We hear she might be pretty high in the veepstakes! She is reading Barr facts about what garbage zero tolerance policies are.

BASS: Do you know about any of the things I am telling you about racism in policing?

BARR: No, I am an idiot and I am the attorney general for a white nationalist presidential administration.

BASS: Let me tell you about all these mass murderers like Dylann Roof who were arrested without chokeholds and injections of ketamine, whereas George Floyd was murdered for 8 minutes and 46 seconds over a counterfeit $20 billl. Is any of this a problem to you?

BARR: Words words words.

1:02: Oh good, it is time for Matt Gaetz. He says Barr is wrong when he says prosecuting Roger Stone was "righteous." Matt Gaetz thinks it would be righteous to prosecute Andrew McCabe and all the Deep State. But you know who is REAL bad? Antifa.

GAETZ: Why is Antifa the worst terrorist organization there is?

BARR: I didn't even actually say that. But they are very bad!

GAETZ: JERRY NADLER SAID ANTIFA IS A MYTH!

BARR: "Antifa" is more of an umbrella term for loosely organized groups. But they are still very bad! But it's not a "national organization that moves nationally."

GAETZ: Wait, so how can you do RICO and get them to flip on their leaders if it's not even an organized ...

WONKETTE: They are sooooooooooo close to getting it. Maybe Nestor could explain it to his true father Matt Gaetz.

Also what is always so wrong with Matt Gaetz's face and head?

1:08: Cedric Richmond just told Bill Barr to keep the name of John Lewis out of the Justice Department's mouth.

1:09: RICHMOND: Did Russia attack our election in 2016?

BARR: Yes.

RICHMOND: Are they doing it again?

BARR: Probably.

RICHMOND: Can the president move the date of the election?

BARR: I have no idea! How could I possibly know!

RICHMOND: Will the election be rigged?

BARR: No.

RICHMOND: Does mail-in voting cause RIGGED?

BARR: Oh very much, that is a lie I made up!

RICHMOND: Did you know Black people are disproportionately dying of COVID, and are you really going with this racist horseshit that mail-in voting is going to rig the election?

BARR: I'm just gonna sit here and be garbage!

1:13: Bill Barr just literally said police are less likely to shoot at Black people. GFY dude.

1:14: Jerry Nadler just yelled at Jim Jordan and other Republicans for not wearing their goddamn masks. God, they are such super-spreader pigs.

1:15: Jim Jordan is shocked to learn that Bill Barr has deputized ANOTHER US attorney, John Bash of Texas, to investigate the OBAMAGATE UNMASKINGS.

Maybe if Jim Jordan read Wonkette on May 28, he might know that.

1:20: Hakeem Jeffries asks Barr what he would do if Trump loses the election and refuses to leave. Barr says if the results were "clear," he would leave office. Note the weasel words.

Also Barr is very worried, again, about this "defund the police." He thinks it should be the opposite!

1:23: Barr says the problem with coronavirus testing in America was because of Obama's "mishandling of the CDC" and Jeffries says GO FUCK WORMS, and "that's a myth," and moves on. It is gorgeous watching these congressmen treat Barr like shit. Only one person in America deserves this like Barr does.

Barr is continuing to blame Obama for Trump's coronavirus failures, how fucking pathetic.

1:26: GOP idiot Andy Biggs is upset about Jerry Nadler saying Barr is "hiding behind a legal fiction" and he is upset Zoe Lofgren called Barr's gestapo "federal troops" and oh boy, Andy Biggs is just upset.

1:29: Barr is reciting the VERY BAD things that happened at Lafayette Square, the things what made Trump leave a poop trail as he waddled to his bunker. Maybe that is why Melania has to redo the Rose Garden, maybe he waddled through there to get to his bunker.

1:31: Barr (lies and says) HE DID NOT EITHER tear gas that priest so Trump could do an upside-down Bible photo op. It is just a coincidence, apparently!

1:32: Hahahaha, Bill Barr just tried to yell over Eric Swalwell, because he was SO MAD these line prosecutors were going to resign over the Stone sentencing recs. Swalwell just yelled louder.

SWALWELL: Are you investigating Trump for commuting the sentence of his buddy Roger Stone, since you have said in the past that acts like that would be crimes.

BARR: "No, why would i?"

Garbage.

1:35: SWALWELL: You don't read Trump's tweets?

BARR: No.

SWALWELL: Weird, there's a lot of evidence there. You should.

Barr is actually getting rattled and mad. Made some fucky whiny ass comment about how if he went by Democrats' standards, "a lot more people would be under investigation," HUFF HUFF HUFF HUFF HUFF.

If Dems wanted to get Barr's back up, they did. Barr keeps yelling over Swalwell, it is funny, and Swalwell doesn't give a shit.

1:42: GOP Rep. Tom McClintock and Bill Barr agree that their conspiracy theories about Russiagate are true, that Michael Flynn was frAAAAAAAAAmed, and that if "somebody like Keith Ellison" becomes attorney general (you know, that MUSLIN guy, McClintock seemed to be saying), then Barr's fake Obamagate investigation might totally go away! That would be "bad."

1:46: Haha, Ted Lieu just SHUSHED Barr. He's explaining "probable cause, what is it," regarding Barr's stormtroopers pulling protesters off the street and kidnapping them in Portland. "This is not a trick question," Lieu told Barr. It's a simple question about the law, and Barr is full of shit. And Lieu SHUSHED him.

"I haven't asked you a question yet," Lieu keeps saying, reminding Barr that SHUT YOUR FACE.

1:48: GOP Rep. Debbie Lesko is very nicely letting Barr answer Lieu's questions, because of how Lieu kept shushing Bill Barr. Barr is explaning why it's fine to arrest protesters without probable cause. (It is because he likes fascism.)

1:50: LESKO: All my racist white constituents are scared! They cry all the time! They see the looting! They see the statues getting torn down! Some of my constituents are statues! Jerry Nadler says the Antifa thing that makes us shit our pants is a myth! Pramila Jayapal made fun of me shitting my pants about the Antifa Warzone in Seattle, which I am pretty sure exists! I did not have a question, I am just upset.

PRAMILA JAYAPAL: If you're going to say my name, you should at least say it right.

That's right, Pramila Jayapal just said that.

1:53: Recess time! We should be heading into the third and final segment of this. Breathe, everyone!

2:12: Democratic Rep. David Cicilline just lit Barr the fuck UP.

CICILLINE: You tear-gassed the mayor of Portland. Should peaceful protesters EVER be tear-gassed by federal stormtroopers?

BARR: Sometimes things happen :(

CICILLINE: Here is a long speech where I will end by telling you that you are a fucking disgrace to peaceful protesters everywhere, including the greatest among them, John Lewis, who is literally lying in state 1,000 feet from here. And now I will show a video of actual peaceful protesters.

JIM JORDAN: Whiiiiiiiiine you didn't let him answer the question.

GOP REP. GREG STEUBE: I am Florida Man even more than Matt Gaetz but my delivery is slower so I don't get as much attention, lookuh me!

2:18: STEUBE: Wouldn't you agree that the Obama administration did literal crimes to Carter Page and made up evidence or something?

BARR: Not even I would go that far, and I am fucking insane.

JIM JORDAN: Would the federal building in Portland even be a building anymore if you hadn't Nazi-attacked the city with your stormtroopers?

BARR: I think it would be a non-building now!

NADLER: STFU, Jamie Raskin's turn.

2:20: RASKIN: Tell me again why you literally assaulted my constituents in Lafayette Square?

BARR: Well I don't know if I would call it an "assault" ...

RASKIN: Go fuck worms.

2:23: RASKIN: Hey remember that time Trump was tweeting to "LIBERATE!" Michigan and other states over stay-at-home orders, and you didn't send stormtroopers to go after the white supremacists occupying those state capitols, you JOINED IN THEIR FIGHT against those governors' public health orders. Remember that? It's almost like you're full of shit, and also a fascist.

BARR: Yell yell yell yell yell.

2:27: Oh no you guys, somebody stole a bunch of Matt Gaetz's foreheads to add them to his collection of 86 foreheads! It is Ben Cline, GOP rep of Virginia, who is saying some shit.

2:29: All of Cline's monotone questions are conspiracy theories about FBI lawyers and unmaskings, it is ZZZZZZZZZZ.

Y'ain't gettin' on Hannity tonight, Ben!

JIM JORDAN: IS GO TO CHURCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN GO TO PROTEST?

BARR: Depends on the person?

JORDAN: IS GO WORK MORE IMPORTANT THAN GO TO PROTEST?

BARR: ...

Love it when House GOPers go too fucking crazy for even Bill Barr.

Anyway, Pramila Jayapal's turn now.

2:33: Jayapal is going to eat Barr alive, giving her shit about semantics over what is and what is not tear gas, and disagreeing with her "characterizations" about his attacks on American citizens.

2:36: JAYAPAL, BASICALLY: When white supremacists with swastikas show up, you don't give a fuck, because they're doing President Grand Wizard's bidding, but when Black and brown people protest peacefully, you send in the fucking stormtroopers. Fuck you.

Jayapal, kicking ass. She ends by entering a thing into the record about how full of shit Bill Barr is on mail-in voter fraud.

2:39: This sad Republifcan weenus started his questioning by telling Bill Barr how "honored" he was to talk to him. Does somebody want a selfie with Bill Barr for his memory board?

2:41: RESCHENTHALER: Bill Barr, that mean Pramila Jayapal lady says the autonomous protest zone in Seattle is no big deal, like we're supposed to believe her just because it's HER DISTRICT. Wouldn't you agree that I, a chickenshit whine-hole from Pennsyltucky, know better about what is going on in Seattle than THAT LADY?

BARR: Yes.

2:44: Questioning with Val Demings starts all nice, but then she goes for the point. Hey Bill Barr, seems like there's a pattern where if US attorney investigates Trump, you remove that US attorney. Isn't that weird?

BARR: Words.

DEMINGS: Rudy Giuliani thinks Berman was fired in SDNY because he was investigating Trump.

BARR: That's crazy.

DEMINGS: Yeah, SDNY is literally investigating every single thing about Trump, we totally believe you. How much do you interfere in these investigations?

BARR: I've merely raised questions!

DEMINGS: Are you still sticking by the lie that Donald Trump has NEVER asked you to do anything in a criminal case?

BARR: Yes ... no ... wait ... no he never! (This may be technically true, because Barr is enough of a bootlicker and a go-getter to know what he needs to do to protect a criminal president before that guy even asks.)

2:49: This trembling dicksnot GOP Rep. Kelly Armstrong just said one time there was a tornado and it scared him and that is just like Portland because here's why.

3:01: We are sorry, but watching these Republicans near tears asking Bill Barr to please tell his stormtroopers thank you for sacrificing themselves for the sake of stormtrooping is simultaneously the most horrifying and most fucking hilarious thing we have ever heard.

3:04: Some idiot GOP rep from Wisconsin, Thomas Tiffany, he told some story, we got distracted reading about the demon sperm lady, but anyway, he says Antifa is totally real and AIYEEEEEEEEEEE!

Anyway, Mary Gay Scanlon.

3:07: SCANLON: it's fucking insane that you are repeating disinformation about foreign countries printing ballots ...

BARR: it's not disinformation!

SCANLON: Yeah but you don't have any fucking evidence.

BARR: No but I have common sense. (He has neither.)

CUT THAT INTO AN AD, BIDEN CAMPAIGN, LINCOLN PROJECT, WHOEVER GETS THERE FIRST.

3:09: Among the many Trump tweets Bill Barr says he has not seen, he has not seen the one where Trump admitted that what he REALLY fears about mail-in ballots is that if too many people vote, Republicans won't win.

Womp womp.

3:14: We should be about 30 minutes off from the end. Few more Democrats. Pretty sure the Republicans are about done. Good time to remind you that Wonkette is ONLY funded by you, and without you, we dieeeeeeeeeee.

If you appreciate these liveblogs, please hit the buttons below to send donations and subscriptions our way!

3:17: Awwww you guys, we think Barr is bored now :(

Barr answered a question but he didn't like the answer he gave, about his interference with the Mueller investigation, and so he wanted a do-over, because Democratic Rep. Joe Neguse said "under penalty of perjury." He said he wanted to "answer the DAMN question." Ooh, big mad!

This came after a long period of questioning from Rep. Sylvia Garcia about allllllll Barr/Trump's bullshit about protecting prisoners from coronavirus, but the only ones who get protected are the ones Trump is friends wtih. Meanwhile, Michael Cohen got thrown back to prison as retaliation for writing a book.

3:29: Jim Jordan is very mad again that Jerry Nadler and the Democrats won't let Bill Barr filibuster and not answer questions.

"The gentleman's rudeness is not recognized," said Nadler to Jim Jordan.

Anyway, Lucy McBath kicked Barr's ass on gun violence and healthcare and she didn't let him say bullshit and filibuster and not answer questions.

3:30: Rep. Greg Stanton refers to Barr as Trump's "fixer" who "let Russia off the hook." Notes Trump admitting that he can't win if every eligible voter actually gets to vote. Barr is playing with his pen on the desk, because he is bored now.

3:53: Rep. Debbie Mucarsel-Powell just had a whole thing where she couldn't get Bill Barr to agree not to release his Durham investigation before the election, while swearing that his Durham report WOULDN'T EITHER be interfering with the election, no he never!

Also some Republican twit says Mucarsel-Powell accused Barr of murder, but we missed it. We will check Twitter to see why that Republican twit is a twit.

3:56: Oh, guess it was this that made the twit mad.

That's absolutely what happening. Take that and stick it in your decorum-hole, Republican twit.

4:00: Wow! And we end with Veronica Escobar talking about that time she gave Barr a Constitution and asked him to uphold it, and said the worst thing is having an attorney general whose allegiance is not to the Constitution, but to one craphole president. That made Jim Jordan very mad but nobody cares about Jim Jordan's feelings, the end.

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4:15: Oh one more thing, this happened when we were in the kitchen or something:


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