Liveblogging GWB's Last (Maybe) State Of The Union
Mr. President George W. Bush is about to get in the hearse! And then the long scary car is going to drive, uh, a few blocks to Capitol Hill, and they won't be stopping for red lights. So if this was your big night to stop the Iraq War by, say, blocking the crosswalks ... well, good luck with that. Let's liveblog this freaking thing and immediately forgot it ever happened.
8:34 PM -- And if you're playing Our Drinking Game(TM), actually remembering tonight won't really be an issue.
8:35 PM -- Hillary and Joe Biden just strolled into the Capitol, together. They were kind of holding hands. So gay.
8:36 PM -- What should the photo theme be tonight? Does anyone even notice the elaborate contextual photo themes we try to present for the various livebloggings of the debates and elections and such? Is there a movie about a dumb guy who somehow ruins everything and then has a half-million people killed in, say, Iraq?
8:43 PM -- Eh, we'll just go with the frowny pretzel bruise picture. This really is the last year we'll get to use these pictures.
8:44 PM -- Mitt Romney on CNN: "This is a time when we need a president, and we've got one." Dude, your wire isn't working.
8:44 PM -- Now Hillary Clinton's walking in with Chuck Schumer. Whore.
8:45 PM -- McCain stayed in Florida, because he thinks Florida is DC, or 'Nam.
8:46 PM -- But Obama's here! Hillary isn't holding his hand ....
8:49 PM -- Wolf Blitzer describing the live shot of Hillary in the chamber: "Getting a lot of hugs and giving a lot of hugs." What did we say?
8:50 PM -- Cheney's here!
8:53 PM Pelosi and Cheney are at the ... what did they call that, on Star Trek? The "Helm"? Anyway, Nancy's all smiling. Dick is just shuffling his papers, which don't say anything. HE WON'T LOOK UP.
8:55 PM -- KATHERINE HARRIS SIGHTING! KATHERINE HARRIS SIGHTING!
8:59 PM -- According to our Founding Fathers' drinking game, you are already wasted because we've just seen Jenna and Barbara Bush. They look so cute!
9:00 PM -- It's Condi!
9:00 PM -- The newish Secretary of the Interior, Dirk Kempthorne, is a pretty decent guy, actually respected and kind of liked, especially in the West. So, obviously, he was UNINVITED TO THE SOTU.
9:01 PM -- Oh boy, the president? At a State of the Union Address? That's only happened, like, seven or eight times.
9:02 PM -- He's here. Oh, look at him. He is our president. Shed a tear for the democracy or whatever. Put our differences ... ah wait, he's not here yet.
9:03 PM -- Ha ha, Hillary reached over Barry Obama, which is probably racist in some way, to shake hands with Ted Kennedy, who of course endorsed Obama today.
9:04 PM -- Oh, how cute, Bush Junior "looks forward to" his stupid bullshit speech nobody will believe for 3 seconds.
9:07 PM -- Bush greeting the Supreme Court Justices now ... "Thanks for makin' me preznit, 'preciate it, 'preciate your hard work."
9:08 PM -- Well that's some lame, lame, lame applause. Cheney's already drinking the umbilical fluid of an aborted Christian child just to make it through the intro.
9:09 PM -- Nancy gives a nice intro, Cheney slurps some more baby fluids, and Chertoff is laughing maniacally. Oh Jesus, we're gonna get hit by the terrorisms again tomorrow, aren't we?
9:11 PM -- Oh man, 45 minutes of this? Really?
9:12 PM -- "Rebuglican." DRINK!
9:13 PM -- Yayy, give us some money, government!
9:13 PM -- "Try explaining that to the richest taxpayers." Ha ha, rich people won't pay more taxes! What a laugh! Ha ha, "The IRS accepts checks and money orders," ha ha, it is probably certain that the IRS has some rule banning, say, money orders.
9:14 PM -- NPR has some communist "fact check" thing about this speech. Let's check it out.
9:15 PM -- Okay, so far the NPR fact check blog has, er, nothing at all. Nice work, communists!
9:20 PM -- Let's start a new post, shall we? The state of our liveblogging is long.