So it only took eight years for John McCain to win the South Carolina primary, hooray! Let's see what the happy old coot has to say.

10:03 PM -- Lots of dumb love for South Carolina, which totally destroyed him in 2000.

10:04 PM -- Truth, My Friends, Challenges, Truth, My Friends.

10:06 PM -- Jesus, McCain's mom is still alive and still looks better than her 89-year-old son. Of course, she wasn't tortured.

10:07 PM -- A funny thing is that McCain is actually pretty dishonest, and his "honesty" has changed state by state. For instance, in Michigan his honesty was pretty honest: No more jobs, Americans! But then he lost to Positive-Thinking Mitt. And all the sudden McCain was all optimistic about the economy!

10:08 PM -- Florida! Onward! Hey, do you know who was one of McCain's campaign co-chairs in Florida? Cock-sucking bathroom-goblin Bob Allen, that's who!

10:09 PM -- If McCain's president, we will all know what it's like to be tortured by the Viet Cong for years and years.

10:10 PM -- "USA USA USA!" Nothing like a good dumb Homer Simpson chant to show your supporters are idiots.

10:11 PM -- Wait, my friends, did we all inherit something? Are we rich?

10:12 PM -- McCain wants to give the poor and unemployed the impression that he's going to do something for them.

10:13 PM -- He wants to serve his country "a little while longer." Does he have AIDS?

10:14 PM -- Good night, Walnuts! Congratulations on a weird win.