Liveblogging Nancy Pelosi And Joe Biden And Their Friend And Maybe Bobby Jindal
The best part of this speech (partsone, two, and three) was definitely when Obama started making jokes about Joe Biden, which is how he "deals" with Joe Biden. ("I have no idea who this insane Delaware hustler is, always following me around, ha ha!" etc.) Otherwise we've heard a lot about working on green technology, health care, and education, but very little about new Weaponry. How are we to go about the business of Warring? MORE ERIC CANTOR.
10:05 -- More. Eric... CANTOR.
10:07 -- Well there, he's done, he says Americans are great and we'll get through this. Hooray for us!
10:08 -- Wolf Blitzer and Anderson Cooper, they're already talking. "This was a different speech, Anderson."
10:09 -- John King says, "a very calculated political move by the President." These guys are so cynical.
10:11 -- David Gergen: "The first half of this speech was FDR." The second half was somewhere between Millard Fillmore and Gerald Ford (a.k.a. the best second half in history.)
10:12 -- Jennifer Yellin saw some people Twittering during the speech. God, the Villagers love Twitter so much.
10:14 -- LOOK OUT DENBY, Jake Tapper is being "snarky" on his Twitter! "pelosi is jumping up and down like it's calisthetics. hastert didnt get up this much during the course of a week." Ha ha because he was one of the Fats.
10:16 -- Obama is signing autographs for Dennis Kucinich and talking about his golf game. WHEN DO WE HEAR JINDAL'S MAGICAL STORY? Ken says that he's speaking from a plantation!
10:18 -- So how was the speech, for those of you who weren't compulsively typing? Let's have a Facebook Poll. Go on Facebook and vote, there's a poll there or some shit.
10:19 -- Silver ice goblin Anderson Cooper says the CNN team will be there "through midnight," maybe to talk about, what, the Octo-Mom? (Hey what is that even about, we haven't been paying attention. She had a lot of babies or whatever from in-vitro? Ah. Good story. FINE TALE, indeed.)
10:22 -- We'll be hearing from the "CNN Money Team" soon, Anderson says. Does ERIC CANTOR play for that team? Otherwise, bomb them.
10:24 -- JINDAL!!!!!!!!!!
10:24 -- He just walks up to the mic on his Plantation and starts jabbering. "THAT WAS ONE HELL OF A SHOW HUH FROM OBAMA?" OMG he sounds like Walnuts!
10:25 -- Mentions Obama's famous back story, of being from Kenya. Then he's like, "I am more foreign though."
10:26 -- He is basically Bull Connor.
10:27 -- "Mah daddy had those health care bills but he didn't miss any health care payments haw haw haw yes'm haw haw."
10:28 -- Bobby Jindal performs his new off-Broadway one-act, "Me & The Wacky Sheriff."
10:28 -- Not Bull Connor -- Don Knotts. "This sheriff wouldn't listen to me so I says, WAHHHH SHERIFF WAHH?"
10:29 -- So he killed the wacky sheriff. How about this stimulus package, anyway? He doesn't like it!
10:30 -- This speech is equal parts Goofy and Eeyore. He mentions that the Democrats are spending money on volcano research (?) and that, big kicker here, they should RESEARCH THEIR OWN VOLCANO, IN THE CONGRESS. Yip yip yip yip.
10:31 -- But we shouldn't be partisan, a-yuck.
10:32 -- He has shards of rabbit bone in the back of his mouth, that is the only explanation.
10:33 -- He says he can fix health care in like two minutes with 20 cents and some home-cooked grits!
10:33 -- Once there was this great offensive joke in Louisiana, and now people can't say it because of the hurricane.
10:34 -- Admits that his party is completely untrustworthy. But trust him: that was pre-Jindal.
10:35 -- Again, this speech is just the screenplay to The Apple Dumpling Gang but with modern words.
10:36 -- He's done, by golly! UHH he forgot the Exorcism story, which is kind of important. WHERE IS CANDY CROWLEY? We need her or someone else to tell us what we think about Bobby Jindal.
10:38 -- OH YES, we couldn't quite figure it out in "real time," but tipster Sean has the latest development on the mysterious case that is Bobby Jindal's voice: "Kenneth from 30 Rock. But a little more simple." Getting closer by the second...
10:40 -- Anyone else notice what fancy-eared operative "Taylor" noticed?: "Got to love the audible 'Oh, God,' on MSNBC as Jindal walked out." That could only have been Chris Matthews, who inexplicably hates Jindal's very soul.
10:42 -- Operatives "beastie" and "Deadspin Pete" also write in, independently, confirming the "Kenneth from 30 Rock" thing. Are there 20 YouTube mashups yet?
10:44 -- If anyone has been shot by Jim Webb yet (tonight's "Shootin' Guns Night" in the Webb family), please "Twitter" us details, from the hospital.
10:46 -- Oh sweet results from the CNN Facebook poll. HAHAHA, 52% of the tested "pulses" show a reaction of "hopeful," the other 48% being racist. Erica Hill: "Men were more hopeful."
10:47 -- OK THIS LIVEBLOG IS DONE, go to Ken's new thread, which will be the last. Thank you all for spending the evening with your Wonkette!