Liveblogging the End of Everything, Part V


Thank you for staying with Wonkette for our special sexy late-night post-debate fun! John McCain and Cindy McCain have left the building! Barack and Michelle are, as usual, still there. Are they? Hey, C-SPAN, could you zoom in? Here isPart I, and Part II, and Part III, and Part IV. (Oh and Sara started another Part V, which is here, and now she has stomped off to bed.) Did you know the ACORNS will destroy your fabric? Please keep your fabric clean, and let's please keep bums from making money trying to register voters, and let's, uh, move on, to the deal. GO RALPH NADER.

10:37 PM -- First call on C-SPAN: "How could Senator McCain say he is a patriot when all of us on some ship in .... Israel ... killed us??" WTF.

10:38 PM -- ZOOM IN.

10:41 PM -- And now everybody is gone, and the Soviet C-SPAN cameras could not show whatever Barry and Mrs. O were doing, because that would prove all forms of audio-visual equipment are In The Tank. Let's go to the cable news now.

10:41 PM -- Hey there's Mrs. Alan Greenspan, who CAUSED OUR NEW DEPRESSION, while he played the skin flute. Why won't you retire, Andrea Mitchell?

10:43 PM -- Chris Matthews has shed John McCain's gay purple sweater, and now has a suit, and David Gregory is ready to dance like a fool.

10:43 PM -- Hey, Wonkette buddies, thanks for hanging around for two years while we all laughed and cried at this wonderful/terrible nightmare from Hell. Oh lord, Newell is now playing video games.

10:46 PM -- Sexy Soledad with her Squigglies, what did the Ohio Bitters think?

10:46 PM -- "I'll tell ya, after 30 minutes, those .... did John McCain win the debate?"

10:46 PM -- There are 10 Ohio Bitters who say McCain won the debate.

10:47 PM -- And 15 of these squiggly people say Barack Obama won the debate.

10:47 PM -- Let's talk about this Bill Ayers stuff.

10:47 PM -- A cute McCain Republican gal says the Ayers BS meant McCain had nothing.

10:48 PM -- JOE THE PLUMBER. Did anyone notice how McCain kept saying "Joe the Plumber" and then Obama had to say "Joe the Plumber" and then both of them were saying, "Hey Joe."

10:50 PM -- So, uh, a few Ohio bitter undecideds say ... well, everything the National Political Media is talking about today is, well, of no interest. Bunch of dumb shit, not relevant.

10:51 PM -- Let's switch to MSNBC.

10:51 PM -- More Joe the Plumber! Egh.

10:51 PM -- This one guy thinks Obama was a little off, and the McCain had a problem with "tone."

10:56 PM -- HILLARY is on the CNN. She is, uh, advocating, for the "Democratic president."

10:58 PM -- Hillary actually looks good, and sane. But she has all of Arizona around her neck, in the form of Turquoise and some other Desert Stones.

11:00 PM -- Hillary Clinton will be the new LBJ, in the Senate, and Obama will be the new JFK, and ... oh fuck.

11:01 PM -- Actually, we might probably expect Hillary Clinton to run ... the United Nations! Hey, it is in New York.

11:02 PM -- Here are the polls, from Campbell "Soup" Brown, and we love her, and Obama won 58% to 31%.

11:09 PM -- Um, people are talking. Hey it is Rachel Maddow! We heart her.

11:11 PM -- Rachel, re: Bill/ACORN, says, "The true believers, the tiny minority of Americans who approaches the election this way, maybe felt like they got a little ...."

11:12 PM -- "They neutralized the whole Ayers issue, and it's over now."

11:13 PM -- Olbermann: "Why did McCain laughably lie about everything, including the planetarium for kids, for education?"

11:13 PM -- Maddow says, basically, let the loser go with the bullshit, and make the calculation, and move on.

11:14 PM -- Fox News focus group says Clear Majority says Obama Wins.

11:15 PM -- Interesting Maddow point: McCain looked more like he doesn't want Obama to be president than that he himself wants to be president.

11:21 PM -- Ugh, watching the McCain clips again, so much blinking! Angry blinking. Blink Blink Blink. (Blinking means you are telling lies.)

11:48 PM -- 51% "not at all" concerned about what's his name, Ayers, the Reagan School Board Republican. What was it, 14% "very concerned"? Well, who might those people already be voting for?

11:51 PM -- Who attacked more, CNN poll people? 80% McCain, 7% Obama.

11:52 PM -- Oh lord, McCain didn't mention the "Middle Class" once tonight, again! Rick Davis could just write it on his hand, right?

11:53 PM -- Campbell Brown is just out-sexying everyone by one million percent. See that high-heeled foot and ankle and leg bouncing out from the Pundit Desk? That is Campbell Brown.

11:54 PM -- Candy Crowley, our favorite CNN political reporter ever, mentions that Bob Dole at least came up with some dumb stunt in 1996 to amuse the press corps.

11:56 PM -- Soon, there will be nothing left of Dana Bash save for her eyes.

11:57 PM -- Let's watch some Fox News Channel for a while, because that is always fun!

11:57 PM -- Oh, Barack just sent your editor another text message. The deadline for registering to vote in California is NOW, so make your people register, if they are not registered.

11:59 PM -- Fox is showing the "Terrorist, Kill Him!" part. What, uh, are they ... oh who knows.

00:00:00:00 -- Oh here is the video, where McCain is "not gonna stand" for ... uh, the shit he does.

12:02 AM -- Greta wants to know, what will happen, and how are the viewers in the tank so much, Jonathan Martin says ... ah who cares.

12:04 AM -- Greta: "I'm a reasonably smart person, I have a degree in economics." Well, that last part is maybe true.

12:05 AM -- But what does Mike Huckabee think, about stuff? "Joe the Plumber will be the hottest person in America." That is actually very, very unlikely, that "Joe the Plumber" will be hot, or famous, or anything. It was just some guy that McCain spoke to, and now Huckabee is speaking about ... bowling scores, and how McCain didn't have the bowling scores.

12:07 AM -- Huckabee: "I thought McCain stayed in the shallow end of the pool when he should have gone deep."

12:16 AM -- Ha, via Andrew Sullivan:

Donate with CC

Ever since Ruth Bader Ginsburg successfully underwent surgery for lung cancer, conservative sites and message boards have been trafficking in a ridiculous theory that she is actually dead and that there is some kind of Weekend at Bernie's-esque conspiracy to pretend she is still alive.

Now, one would think that her recent public appearance at a concert held in her honor would have put this to rest. Alas, it did not. Rather, the "researchers" (as they hilariously call themselves) determined that the concert was actually her funeral.

No. Really. That was a thing.

I admit that I gave this a lot more thought than I should have. Like, how did they think this would go? How long did they imagine this would go on for? Why would they risk having a full on funeral concert, open to the press? Wouldn't they just have not bothered to have a funeral at all? And what did these people think was going to happen when it was announced that she died for real? Or did they think that we were going to pretend that she is immortal and thus never announce her death? It's so confusing!

Being very up to date on the "RBG is secretly dead!" nonsense, I was very curious about which way the "anons" would go with this when they announced her return to work on Friday. They did not disappoint!

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC

Yesterday afternoon, 45-year-old Gary Martin of Aurora, Illinois was let go from his job at the Henry Pratt Company, a factory that manufactures water valves. In response, he took out a pistol with a laser scope and began shooting at random. He killed five people and injured six others who were just trying to make it through the day at the water valve factory, and then the police killed him.

His mother said he was "stressed out." He "seemed fine" according to the clerk at the Circle K where he bought his cigars that morning. His neighbor thought he was a nice guy. Some people were surprised, others were not.

This kind of thing used to be shocking, but it's a story we're used to now. It gets repeated at least once a month. It's just what happens now, and we can't do anything about it because we can't do anything about gun control. This is, the Right has decided, just the price we all have to pay so they can stockpile guns for funsies, and take sexy pictures of guns shoved in their pants. This is the blood that waters their special tree of liberty.

It's fucking exhausting. And stupid. We shouldn't have to live this way. No one should have to live this way. But we do. Why? Because some day some yahoos might want to overthrow the government, which is (of course) a completely legal thing to do, and their "right" to do that must be protected. So it's literally just never, ever going to stop.

Gary Martin, like most other mass shooters, also had a history of violence against women. In 1994, in Mississippi, he was convicted for stabbing one. He should not have been able to get a gun after that. I would like to know how and why he was able to get that pistol with the laser scope that he killed five people with yesterday afternoon. Maybe someone gave it to him. Maybe he bought it somehow. Maybe someone forgot to do a background check. Maybe he bought it from someone who didn't have to do a background check.

I am so goddamned tired of writing this article. I am out of things to say.


Wonkette is independent and fully funded by readers like you. Click below to tip us!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Donate with CC

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc