Liveblogging The Epic Battle For Better Than Last Place In New Hampshire Primary

Who is the biggest loser?

Hello New Hampshire! Y'all done voting early and often for the guy or the other guy or the lady guy or the other lady guy or that punchy-faced pouty-assed Canadian? Oh, probably not him.

Cool. We cannot wait to find out which candidates you white (really white) rural voters decided is best for the rest of the great melting pot that is U.S. America. You sure are good at picking winners. And thanks again for President Paul Tsongas.

We know Fox News already declared Donald Trump the winner, hours before the polls closed, oops! And speaking of oops, remember when Rick Perry was going to be your president of New Hampshire? No? Let us remind you; it was HI-larious.

We’re in beautiful New Hampshire. The Granite State. Granite’s tough. It’s durable. Just like the people who live in this fiercely independent state.

It’s snowin’, it’s cold, but I’m fired up.

Live free or die. Amen.

Amen indeed.

Polls close (mostly) at 7 PM Eastern. Follow along with us as we wear out our refresh-hitting finger, won't you?

Your liveblog begins ... nowish.


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