Liveblogging the National Dirty Dozen, Eastern Seaboard Style
What is happening tonight?! As usual, nobody knows anything because the polls have just closed on the East Coast and we aremany hours away from polls closing on the West Coast and who knows what's happening in Arkansas? (We actually know! Polls have closed, and few were even open, the better to beat Blanche Lincoln! The voting authorities are apparently trying to keep her from winning. Is Arkansas some ex-Soviet Republic? You'd think!) Let us commence the liveblogging, and please keep your tips flowing freely like the alcohol in your glass, and "follow us on the Twitter," etc. Make sure to keep your little "I Voted" stickers, too, in case the cops show up later needing proof. It could happen!
8:30 PM -- South Carolina's favorite Republican lady candidate who denies having multiple extramarital sex affairs, Nikki Haley, needs 50% to actually win tonight. She's only got 43% right now, with 19% of precincts reporting. But she'll resign if she wins the nomination and then wins the actual governor's seat *IF* it is somehow proven (with a sex tape? an old condom?) that she had sexytime with various other Republicans all over the Palmetto State. Wonkette endorses Nikki Haley, obviously.
8:36 PM -- So the Commander of Elections in Arkansas decided, "eh, who cares about this runoff," so he closed half the polling places for today's voting, but promised he'd open one "special early voting" place last Saturday, but then put up signs saying early voting is illegal in Arkansas for runoffs, too bad lamers!
8:41 PM -- But with a very few votes counted, Lincoln has 53%.
8:50 PM -- And, tragically, your editor in California was unable to vote for Orly Taitz. Why this stomping of the Constitution? Your editor is registered as a Democrat this time around, which means he can only vote in the Dem primary and not for all the crazy Republican people such as Orly and Meg and Carly.
9:13 PM -- More than half the S.C. vote is in, and Nikki Haley's at 48% ... two points shy of what she needs in order to avoid a runoff and win the general and then resign for sexytime.
9:15 PM -- Thanks to operative cpcates for sending this latest journalistic trend example, "10 Things You Did Not Know About Nikki Haley." Does it feature her favorite Sarah Palin Facebook posts? The best motels for Palmetto State third rate romance?
9:24 PM -- Thank you, Rachel Maddow, for pronouncing "Nevada" correctly. Jesus lord it drives your editor (who lived in Northern Nevada for many years) to hear East Coast Media people mangle the very easy pronunciation "NEV- because they'd never heard anybody say Nevada:
9:28 PM -- With 7.7% reporting, Blanche Lincoln has 52.9%. Bill Halter can still win this! And the White House has been all, "meh, and maybe he should. MAYBE HE SHOULD." Because Blanche Lincoln is a corporate sellout, mannn.
9:32 PM -- And now we are going to have Dinner, like people need to have sometimes, and will be back shortly. If anything insane happens tonight, it will be during the few minutes we leave the Newsroom. So please fill the comments with Craziness while we're out. NO WAIT WE ARE GOING TO START A NEW ONE, FOR "FUN."