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Liveblogging The Commies' Vote On The Senate's Health Care Bill

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The first of two major votes, now! Get ready for 25 Democrats to turn on their yes votes and run for the hills... UPDATE: This thread actually covers both votes! A twofer! Click to see who won!


10:33 -- What the hell are we doing liveblogging this? It's just that boring C-SPAN screen with no sound. Can we get some fucking Muppets on stage to dance on John Dingell's head, or something "like that"?

10:34 -- Let's laugh at something terrible, while we wait another 11 minutes. While the Atlantic's libertarian economics writer Megan McArdle isn't much of an enshrined "Wonkette character," she is terrible, and this is her Opus. Read it for laughs!

10:35 -- Why must the teevee turn this into such an awkward silence? RATINGS, C-SPAN, RATINGS.

10:38 -- Alright, fine, we'll turn to the cable news coverage of this vote, which is... Mitt Romney Loyalist Kevin Madden uttering some GOP talking points! He's even more inspirational if you mute the teevee and play Berlioz' Symphanie Fantastique. But what isn't?

10:42 -- Come again?

House Minority Leader John Boehner told his conference to "behave like grown-ups" if the healthcare bill is passed by the House on Sunday.

The Ohio Republican made the warning at a quick closed-door meeting with fellow House GOP lawmakers at noon in the Capitol.

So they should only fling bags of pee, and not handfuls of poop. Good luck sticking to that.

10:44 -- Wolf to Donna Brazile: "You look so serious, Donna." How else should one behave on cable news?

10:45 -- 216-203, passed. Whoa. Wolf: "They look so excited there, on the floor, there."

10:46 -- Wolf Blitzer is a Furry God: "They're cheering, there, let's listen in. Well, they were cheering. They passed the bill."

10:48 -- 219-34, two votes left.

10:48 -- BRINGETH THE MALLET OF DEATH! SMASH THE WOOD OF FINALITY!

10:50 -- John King wants to read a letter from Vicki Kennedy! Wolf Blitzer wants to listen in on Steny Hoyer, though. When do our free abortion coupons go valid?

10:52 -- Rules motions gentleman from suspend recommit resolution bill whatever. What is happening? Oh, Wolf Blitzer wants to explain! "You are a hologram, America."

10:54 -- Republican congressmen request permission from speaker to be annoying fairies. NO. Request again. NO. Request again. SHUTUP. Obama is a commie. PROCEED.

10:55 -- OH MY GOD! REPUBLICANS ARE TRYING TO USE ABORTION AS A WEDGE ISSUE!

10:56 -- Rep. Pitts, the junior loser of "Stupak-Pitts amendment" fame, is upset that Obama's letter about abortion doesn't ban abortion. Did Obama really "win" today?

10:58 -- Said it before, will say it again: abortion is awesome. You can have all sorts of sexy sexytime and not have to worry about taking care of some idiot kid later on. Is this not a hot deal?

11:00 -- Bart Stupak wants to talk. A green and orange lady is asleep on camera right behind him. Oh no, just on her BlackBerry. She looks foolish!

11:01 -- The House is out of order! THE HOUSE IS OUT OF ORDER! Call in the Praetorian Guard, summon the Hessians!

11:02 -- Shorter Stupak: "Republicans are wrong. Democrats are better at abortion stuff than Republicans." Although it's hard to hear him fully because REPUBLICANS CANNOT SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR FOUR FUCKING SECONDS.

11:03 -- Democrats shouted "NO" louder than Republicans shouted "YES" on this annoying motion to recommit, so they WIN THE EVENING. Politico demands a recorded vote.

11:05 -- So Republicans are going to lose this last-ditch vote to throw the bill back in committee, BECAUSE SORRY, THOUGHT OF THAT. Could the "October Surprise" of this cycle be far in the future? John Boehner, running in front of the C-Span cameras, showing surveillance footage of Barney Frank with another man!!! "HE'S FUCKING GAY, DO YOU SEE? DO YOU SEE?"

11:09 -- Apparently someone is shouting "baby-killer" at Bart Stupak. What a smear. Bart Stupak hasn't killed a baby in at least four hours. Sometimes you've just gotta keep on walkin', as a Regal Banking Pamphlet Wordsmith once uttereth.

11:14 -- Wolf asks David Gergen to kill some time. Your Wonkette will be right back!

11:24 -- You know what would've been good to eat today? A meal.

11:24 -- Oh look, while we were gone they started voted on the reconciliation bill! You'd never know, what with John King just plugging his new show.

11:26 -- Wonkette operative "Rebecca" sends us this Blingee and wins her own Blingee Contest. Rebecca: go to the nearest dumpster, to claim your reward. It will look like a "naked Intern Riley," because that's what it is.

11:30 -- 213-200, with 6:30 left on the clock. NEED THREE MORE. Stop getting your pussies waxed and close it, scared Blue Dogs.

11:31 -- Oh ha there, it passed.

11:33 -- Obama will speak soon, from the POTUS' actual house! PREVIEW: "I just read this thing, and, well, VETO MUCH?"

11:38 -- GAVEL THAT H.R. YO.

11:39 -- The Democrats have exercised power. Better take a picture.

11:40 -- Ken Layne is back from his dinner! Now he will type for you. He will be liveblogging Obama's ARROGANCE in ten or so minutes, so look for a new thread. Thank you all for showing up on this Sunday night and clicking on things.

Today We Are All People Who Missed The Breaking Bad Premiere.

ONE MORE THING: 11:47 -- *bows to Nancy Pelosi*

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