I'm a little bit country, I'm a little bit teabaggerEverything is settled in the Carolinas and Mississippi or wherever, correct? There is a very detailed liveblog from Secret Jim Newell (Jack Stuef), mentioning baseball and a way to bring Facebook to Haiti. Let's! Why should Facebook be limited to islands/nations with buildings or electricity? So then, Utah. Remember when Republican icon _____ Bennett (let's check his name in a moment) got tossed out by Mormon Teabaggers during one of those earlier primaries? Well, now we shall settle this battle. Not a word on CNN about this. Bob Bennett cries alone in his garage. Everything on the news is "Oh the dumb redneck general, McAsstyl, who is on a seven-year plane voyage from Afghanistan, he has faxed his resignation," ha ha as if that will spare his execution in Utah. Speaking of ....

11:04 PM -- It's whatever time in Utah, let's say 8 p.m. Polls have certainly closed, even in Moab and Lee's Ferry.

11:07 PM -- Nikki Haley made history. That's the Politico headline, and it's certainly true. Who ever achieved anything after having an affair with a blogger? Nobody, and certainly not a Sikh who now loves Jebus and has the support of both Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin's Facebook account.

11:17 PM -- So, no results? Politico's live map is not working (for your editor, who is actually in a car on the Interstate), and the Salt Lake Tribune headline is "Polls close, ballot count begins." Really?

11:20 PM -- Mike Lee is beating Tim Bridgewater 52%-48% at the moment, 18% reporting, U.S. Senate GOP runoff primary thing. You people dropped Robert Bennett for this?

11:23 PM -- Joel Briscoe and Jim Matheson are ahead in the two House Dem primary elections. Who are they? We are now driving up a canyon road and there is no more Verizon signal on this laptop, so let's just say they are Democratic Heroes.

11:45 PM -- Sorry, General McChrystal's plane hit a satellite and knocked us offline.

11:46 PM -- And, Rachel Maddow had several sentences about the primary night. Sorry, primary night! You got fragged!

11:56 PM -- 60% reporting, Mike Lee and Tim Bridgewater in a teabagger tie! 51%-49% but still leaning Mike Lee's way. He is an attorney. The other guy is a "small businessman." Commenters, a little help? You might think Bridgewater is the Tea Party candidate because, heh, "small businessman." But it's Mike Lee, the attorney! He has the backing of Freedom Works and Tea Party Express, the two main political parties in America/Utah.

MIDNIGHT -- Matheson is maintaining the lead, now up to 68% with 40% of precincts reporting. We will closely watch this race forever!

12:15 AM -- Eh, let's watch Hardball for a while, and drink beer.

12:18 AM -- We can't, in good conscience, continue this liveblog ... because nobody's reading it! Eh we'll "monitor events" for a while. (Get more beer.)


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