Dying and it's only 8:30 PST. How do you people DO THIS all the time? Kirsten and I are going to liveblog Cougartown. GET READY!

11:30 -- "What a huge caucus" -- Wolf Blitzer.

11:32 -- "We project Mitt Romney wins Idaho." -- Wolf Blitzer, going out on a limb, with Romney at 76%. Jesus Christ you guys are gonna drag this shit out till May.

Kirsten: god everyone except wolf blitzer has given up

jesus christ i hope iran nukes ohio first.

starting with cedar point amusement park in sandusky.

11:34 -- Sadness as the Elf Queen's consort will be leaving the national stage, unless Bammer makes him Secretary of Peace. (Kirsten: "Really? He's married to that woman?" You'd think she hasn't been writing at Wonkette for NINE MONTHS NOW.)

11:41 -- Kirsten, are they saying anything interesting on Cougartown? Are they drinking wine out of giant bowls? Probably. We are watching a giant disembodied hand on fucking CNN. LAME. Exciting picture to come!

11:48 -- Cooper's tie is what Romney's tie should have been that purty blue but not TRYING SO GODDAMN HARD WITH THE DOTS. Fashion tip.

11:50 -- And the 1827492nd time a pundit has said "That doesn't spell enthusiasm for the Republicans this November." It seems like it's getting to be sort of a conventional wisdom.

11:51 -- Ohio Plain-Dealer declares Marcy Kaptur your New Elf Queen. Heryn ohtar lalaith!

11:57 -- Oh my! Internet Fameball Jean Schmidt has lost her Ohio seat, per TPM!

In November of 2005, she gained fame (and infamy) for her floor remarks attacking Rep. Jack Murtha (D-PA), a Vietnam veteran who had recently called for an orderly U.S. withdrawal from Iraq. On the House floor, she declared in a message to Murtha, “that cowards cut and run, Marines never do.”

12:02 -- FOX says even though Sarah Palin acted all coy (and SUPER TWEAKY) when she wouldn't tell CNN whom she voted for, she told FOX she voted for Newt. Good scoop, guys. Nice job. Now can you find out where she cooks her meth?

12:06 -- Soooo, is Alaska reporting yet? Sloopy Tarsday is the greatest, and all Wonkette's readers are dying from joy of it. MOAR SLOOPY TARSDAY!!!1~

12:10 -- Rebecca died for a couple minutes! Hey, did you know that your editor KBJ whose name is not ever spelled "Kristen" has also moved to Los Angeles? She moved to Los Angeles in order to murder Rebecca for a few minutes and take over her liveblog. Mostly we have done this so that we could report to you that the Washington Post mistakenly reported that CNN said something when in fact it said nothing:

12:26 -- Oh hai me again. Now we are on FOX, because shoot us, and have discovered just how pandersome Mitt Romney was tonight. Witness! He has matched his tie to FOX's WARBLOGGER backdrop like a prom boy matching his cummerbund to his hot chick's dyed-satin pumps! Hold for transmission. Wait for it ... wait for it ...

12:29 -- Now it is the "wacky" part of the night, when all of FOX watches Cougartown too.

Are you a Courtney, Chris, or a Busy Phillips?

12:36 -- Mitt Romney wins Ohio according to everyone on Twitter, the End ...

Or IS IT? Take it away, Daily Beast!

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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