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Fresh off a 40-seat loss in the House and a shellacking from suburban women, the GOP has an excellent comeback plan. They're hanging a sign on the Republican Clubhouse saying NO 'GINAS ALLOWED! Yep, that should close the 19 point preference for Democrats among American women this electoral cycle. And to seal the deal, they've boosted America's sweetheart Liz Cheney to conference chair. Problem solved!

Now, let's not get hysterical thinking the National Republican Congressional Committee has morphed into the manicure/yoga/free bleed session of your dreams. The NRCC isn't going to do anything crazy like recruit more ladies to run for office or anything. WaPo reports,

Cheney, who worked on Middle East policy in the State Department, brings a profile and clout among Republican women that has long been missing. But she does not see any need for course corrections on policies relating to women, arguing that Democrats create silos for female issues that treat women in a condescending way.

"I've always felt like it was very paternalistic to do what the Democrats do," she said. "It's offensive to women."

Bold words from a lady whose party just shrank its female representation from 23 to 13 seats in the House. The Democratic Caucus boasts more than 90 women -- and if you want to see something REALLY scary, click here! But please, GOPsplain us more about things that offend our delicate female sensibilities.

"It shouldn't be just based on looking for a specific set of ingredients — gender, race, religion — and then we're going to play in the primary," incoming NRCC chair Tom Emmer told Roll Call. Because ladies haaaaate it when you run candidates with ovaries. What they want is another white dude, but, like dipped in yogurt with a pink ribbon pin next to the flag on his lapel. Bonus points if he tells us he respects women because he has daughters. Nothing makes us ovulate in unison like a guy who knows when life begins because he looked at an ultrasound one time.

SWOON!


But the Republicans are a big tent party. There's not one kind of mayonnaise on offer at GOP cookouts; they've got three different brands to honor the wide diversity in their caucus. And Miracle Whip, too! There's even a confused gal from New York wandering around trying to convince everyone to go out and recruit more lady candidates to run for office. WaPo reports,

At a forum Tuesday [November 13] for candidates running for leadership posts, [New York Rep. Elise] Stefanik stood up and motioned to a room overwhelmingly filled with white male faces.

"Take a look around," she told the GOP lawmakers. "This is not reflective of the American public."

Stefanik said she then asked Reps. Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) and Jim Jordan (R-Ohio), the minority leader candidates, what their plans were to recruit and elect more women.

"I was struck that I really didn't get an answer," she recalled in an interview Friday.

Ain't she darlin'! And now she wants to go out and raise money for female Republican candidates. What will those kids think of next?

Roll Call quotes the incoming NRCC chair, who thinks Elise may be confused in her ladybrain,

"If that's what Elise wants to do, then that's her call, her right," Emmer said in a Friday interview at the NRCC. "But I think that's a mistake."

To be fair, Emmer isn't patting Stefanik on the head about fundraising -- God knows the GOP will do anything for a buck. But he dismisses the idea of the party getting involved in the primaries to promote diversity in the caucus, or even to weed out candidates who might crash and burn in the general election.

The NRCC will have a "women's program" to help identify female candidates and help them through the process. But Emmer fears meddling in primaries comes across as too Washington-driven.

"You might be able to get somebody elected by throwing a lot of money at a primary and doing all that the first time, but you're not going to sustain yourself," he said. "More often than not, voters have to take ownership in the candidate."

The people will have their Wonder Bread! And the ladies must learn to eat it, or else something terrible might happen.

[Cheney] wants to go after Democrats for supporting a "socialist economic policy" like single-payer insurance and how such a national health program would limit women's medical choices. "That would be a disaster," she said.

Oh, Liz, you really GET US. You're doing great, Sweetie! You're like a delicious cocktail of Summers Eve, chocolate and Hallmark Movies, with a garnish of Spanx to show you're still in the game. Never, never change!

And you there! It's here, your OPEN THREAD!

[WaPo / Roll Call]

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HOLY ACHTUNG TWITTER IS FREAKING OUT! Special Counsel Robert Mueller's office (SCO) has issued a statement, almost 24 full hours after Buzzfeed's story on Donald Trump ordering Michael Cohen to lie to Congress about the failed Trump Tower Moscow deal started blowing everybody's minds. Mueller's spokesman says actually BuzzFeed got it a bit wrong. This is significant because 1) Mueller's office NEVER talks, and B) well, they're not actually saying BuzzFeed got it WRONG wrong. Just, you know, kinda wrong.

Wow, that statement is lawyered as fuck. BuzzFeed described "specific statements" wrong, and its "characterization of documents and testimony" was just an eensy bit off, and maybe if BuzzFeed moved this sofa over here it would take advantage of more natural light in the room, and honestly, BuzzFeed should trim up this one paragraph of its article, because those sentences DO NOT SPARK MARIE KONDO'S JOY.

Otherwise, it's great!

First of all, we want everybody to relax. Donald Trump is still a criminal.

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It's been a joy watching the reactions come in from TrumpWorld about the news that Donald Trump has committed YET ANOTHER CRIME, in this case suborning perjury by instructing his former lawyer thug fixer Michael Cohen to lie to Congress. How many other people did he do that with? WE DUNNO! But that's not what this post is about.

First of all, let's see what the big guy himself did. As with all presidential statements from the un-president, it happened on Twitter:

Oh wait, that's (grapes) not it. Here it is:

That's right, the president of the United States reacted to a bombshell news report exposing that he had tampered with a witness by suborning perjury by ... tampering with that witness some more in public, by threatening his father-in-law! (To be fair, Trump has been trying to intimidate the witness by encouraging the feds to investigate Cohen's father-in-law for a hot minute now. It's one of his things, like tweeting and pooping at the same time and comparing WALL to WHEEL.)

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