Something, Something Desssstiny
Now here's a bit of news to brighten up your day: Fox News hawking head, torture enthusiast, and apprentice Sith Lord Liz Cheney is "taking a serious look" at running for Wyoming's sole House seat, following current Rep. Cynthia Lummis's announcement that she will retire next year.
"I am taking a serious look at running and will be discussing this with my family and others around the state as I make my decision in the coming weeks," Cheney told The Associated Press by email.
[contextly_sidebar id="lSdTDqsK7ONMU7517yHtg5d2tNKm4tpu"]Having failed spectacularly in withdrawn due to "health reasons" from a 2014 Senate bid in which no one wanted to support her primary run against longtime Sen. Mike Enzi, Cheney has apparently decided that with no pesky incumbent in her way, she's ready to take her deserved place in Congress. Plus, this time around there'll be none of that "carpetbagger" talk that dogged her last time, since she'll have owned a house in Jackson Hole for an entire four years by the time the election rolls around. As everyone knows, four years in Wyoming feels like a lifetime, so she's clearly established her bona fides. It's time for Liz Cheney to share some of her dad's universal popularity!
Let's take a quick look back at the illustrious career of Wyoming's next representative, assuming that no one is foolhardy enough to run against her in the primary. After some minor positions in the Poppy and Poopy Bush administrations, she headed a Muslims-are-coming-to-kill-us-all nonprofit called "Keep America Safe," which quietly disappeared from the internet shortly before she announced her campaign against Enzi, although some of its scary videos live on. The organization mostly existed to explain why torturing terror suspects was the greatest thing ever, although America, of course, does not torture. Among her foreign policy achievements, she condemned our weak-willed President Barack Obama for not supporting Czechoslovakia, some 20 years after that nation ceased to exist. She's also way more than a mere clone of her daddy, because when he said that Sarah Palin was a bad 2008 veep candidate, Liz respectfully disagreed!
[contextly_sidebar id="ZJElOBrkaBCwiqsSIPNQUGKuDjNIumNr"]Her Senate run was "troubled" from the start, what with all those little reminders that she had lived most of her life in Washington DC, not Wyoming, and the embarrassing revelation that she had to purchase a "non-resident" fishing license. That won't be a problem this time around, and she will probably only have to run one or two ads claiming to have lifelong Wyoming roots, maybe.
[contextly_sidebar id="JkvZwMIpiUou85rk2jMWM2NQod6V6liE"]Now that the Supreme Court has crammed marriage equality down everyone's throats, it's possible that Liz will also be able to campaign without her gay sister Mary slagging her all the time for being a terrible excuse for a human being. Maybe!
[contextly_sidebar id="LuyEG34dIzB2q5gyY3HQNF5Avm88RHsV"]At the very least, since she'd be running for an open seat, she won't have to gratuitously accuse the incumbent of being a senile old fool, and her dad can support her without pretending that the Cheney family is above betraying its friends. Unless, of course, someone gets in their way. In which case they can expect a face full of birdshot, and a demand for an apology.
Regardless of what she decides, Yr Wonkette is happy that Liz Cheney has returned to good health, and that she's overcome whatever that "serious medical issue" was that caused her to drop out of the race last time around. We'd also like to remind her to double-check the Physicians' Desk Reference next time, because we're pretty sure that "extremely low poll numbers" is not actually a recognized disease.
[Associated Press at Yahoo News]
