Splendid news for Donald Trump, everybody! His gays have decided they enjoy being punched in the face, and therefore they are endorsing his re-election in 2020. Hooray! The Log Cabin Republicans (LCR) didn't endorse Trump in 2016, but now everything has changed, we guess. After all, the president isn't gay-bashing them right this second, and that's literally the most "tolerance" they expect in life, because they don't in their heart of hearts believe they deserve to be treated with full dignity and respect. Mazel tov!
Of course, they're framing it differently, because denial:
Ah, the power of low expectations. He hit them, and it really did feel like a kiss!
The op-ed in the Washington Post (which really doesn't need to be publishing this shit) was written by LCR chair Robert Kabel and vice chair Jill Homan, and it details the president's great accomplishments for LGBT Americans, or at least things he might accomplish if he ever gets around to turning "Fox & Friends" off and doing a goddamned thing. But it starts with reflections on the 2016 Republican convention, where, a year after the Supreme Court granted full marriage equality, the GOP managed to make it through an event without committing any overt hate crimes:
For LGBTQ Republicans, watching the 2016 GOP convention before Donald Trump took the stage was like a dream fulfilled.
Because they've been conditioned to interpret the general absence of getting their faces smashed in as "love."
[I]n an extraordinarily uplifting moment, [Peter] Thiel uttered the words for the first time, "I am proud to be gay. I am proud to be a Republican. But most of all, I am proud to be an American." He was met with thunderous standing applause from the body of the Republican Party.
And in that moment, there was validation! Not the kind of validation that says "You deserve to be treated equally under the law" or "You should be able to shop at any store you like, even if the shop owner thinks Jesus will roast him in hell if he's nice to gays." But validation, nonetheless!
Trump Hates Muslims More Than He Hates Fags, EQUALITY ACHIEVED!
Kabel and Homan then recount Trump's achievements in LGBT equality:
He has committed to end the spread of HIV/AIDS in 10 years, through the use of proven science, medicine and technology to which we now have access. This scourge decimated a generation of gay men in the United States and continues to inflict pain, suffering and death at home and abroad.
That is not a thing Donald Trump has achieved. That's a thing his administration says it maybe hopes to achieve, assuming the president pulls his thumbs out of his ass at some point and decides to go to work (NARRATOR: he won't).
Trump has used the United States' outsize global influence to persuade other nations to adopt modern human rights standards, including launching an initiative to end the criminalization of homosexuality, which is considered illegal in more than 70 countries. To lead this effort, the president has chosen the highest-ranking LGBTQ individual in the administration, Richard Grenell, the U.S. ambassador to Germany, who brings his experience as the United States' spokesman at the United Nations to bear on this critical campaign.
From what we can tell, the quisling ambassador Ric Grenell spends most of his time being a bad houseguest and pissing off his hosts in Germany and being as big of a dick as possible, but sure, let's pretend this is a real thing. The Trump administration made an announcement of sorts earlier this year that it was going to be doing a thing to decriminalize homosexuality around the world, but nothing so bold as Hillary Clinton as secretary of State saying "gay rights are human rights." (Silly! Secretary of State Mike Pompeo worships a racist bigot version of Jesus, and he doesn't believe liberal things like that! Plus, he's busy with his God Hates Fags "human rights" commission and telling embassies they can't fly pride flags.)
No, it's entirely about decriminalization -- the absolute least the Trump administration could do -- and, unsurprisingly, it's not actually about gays or gay rights or human rights, but about stickin' it to Iran, specifically, and Muslims, more generally. And yes, Iran is absolutely evil toward LGBT people. So is Trump's BFF Saudi Arabia, but we don't see the Trump administration leaning on Mohammad Bone Saw to stop executing gay people, now do we?
This is a thing. Gay Republicans have so little to lean on when it comes to defending their party's bigotry, so they cite the GOP's hatred of Muslims, and its cynical and limited embrace of pushing countries like Iran to stop murdering gays, in order that they may point and say "See? Told you Republicans weren't anti-gay!" And it's been a thing with Donald Trump since the beginning. He LOVES the gays, as long as they are currently providing him an opening to bash Muslims. After the Pulse nightclub mass murder in Orlando, Trump used the campaign moment to rage against Muslims:
"Hillary Clinton can never claim to be a friend of the gay community as long as she continues to support immigration policies that bring Islamic extremists to our country who suppress women, gays and anyone who doesn't share their views."
As Vox explains, this is directly out of the playbook of the batshit far-right in Europe, which is et up with xenophobia and eliminationist rhetoric against Muslims, and is more than happy to try to use the actions of extreme far-right Islamic states against LGBT people to drive a wedge.
For the record, the day after the Trump administration's big "decriminalization" push was announced, Trump was asked about it and had no idea what the fuck the reporter was talking about. So he's definitely "in the room" on this one, YOU BETCHA.
Those are all the pro-LGBT "accomplishments" the Log Cabin Republicans list for Trump. Two things he hasn't accomplished yet, one of which is nothing more than a vehicle for his Islamophobic bigotry. DO NOT CONGRATULATE.
But what about the transgender military ban and the viciously anti-gay judges and Betsy DeVos's war on trans kids and rabidly anti-gay Mike Pence and the administration's attempts to codify into law the rights of businesses to discriminate against LGBT people and fire them if they want and all the God Hates Fags religious liberty horseshit and so many other things?
Weirdly all that stuff goes mostly unmentioned in the Log Cabin Republicans Trump suckfest.
(By the way, the self-loathing quisling contingent of society is literally this very weekdefending yet another anti-gay move by the Trump administration, this time the Labor Department. Just FYI and just fuck you.)
They've got theirs, so fuck the rest of you.
We feel like we've been a bit unfair to the gay Republicans -- AS USUAL -- going on like we always do about how they hate themselves and are obviously so wounded by the white supremacist heteros they worship that they'll debase themselves like this for the tiniest scrap of food from the adults' table. It's important to remember that, especially for many rich white male gay Republicans, it's less about the state of their souls and more about the fact that they're just selfish motherfuckers who don't give a shit about anybody besides themselves. (OBJECTION, referring to gay Republicans' "souls" assumes facts not in evidence!)
The rest of the op-ed is mostly about tax cuts:
The president's tax cuts have benefited LGBTQ families and helped put food on their tables. His opportunity zones have helped create new LGBTQ-founded small businesses. The administration's aggressive negotiations on trade deals have preserved LGBTQ jobs. His hard line on foreign policy has protected LGBTQ lives. What benefits all Americans benefits the LGBTQ community, as we cross every racial, socioeconomic, religious and cultural divide.
Fuck off.
In summary and in conclusion!
While we do not agree with every policy or platform position presented by the White House or the Republican Party, we share a commitment to individual responsibility, personal freedom and a strong national defense. To paraphrase President Ronald Reagan, 80 percent my friend is not 20 percent my enemy.
Yay, Trump 80 percent loves them! It's the Four-Fifths Compromise, and it's just for them! Do they deserve anything more? Probably not!
And like we said, Trump isn't literally gay-bashing them right now, except for how he totally is, OH WELL, who cares, fuck it, gay Republicans skew white, male and wealthy anyway, so they probably can afford to GTFO if Trump decides he needs to really turn on the gays for some reason.
Maybe they can all go seasteading with Peter Thiel!
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!
Wonkette is ad-free and funded ONLY by YOU, our dear readers. If you love Wonkette, SUPPORT WONKETTE.
