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Hey Kellyanne Conway, whatcha so 'scited about?


Oh. That old thing. Yeah, Michigan was called Monday afternoon, though a coming recount might find something different, dontcha know. Not us! We are not the Illuminati! Trump sure seems worried about the recounts, though those are running into some roadblocks at the moment (i.e., Pennsylvania is a dick).

Michael Moore notes what a squeaker that was in Michigan:

YOOGE. LANDSLIDE. HISTORIC.

Nate Silver types some numbers out, which he is still good at sometimes:

We made a joke Monday about how Trump's alleged win was only BREATHTAKING! if the curve you're grading on is "did more electoral votes than George W. Bush." Big whoop. Let's also note that Billy Bob Clinton's electoral totals slammed past Obama's, and Reagan's and Poppy Bush's were truly enormous. Let's also too note that in that 2004 election, when Dubya got a measly 286 electoral votes, he won the popular vote by a cool three million. And while we are noting things, let's moreover also too note that in the highly contested 2000 election, Dubya only managed to lose by 500,000 in the popular vote, even though he squeaked into an Electoral College win.

As of this moment, with over 64 million votes to her name, Hillary Clinton has won more than TWO MILLION more votes than Orange Hitler, and that number still hasn't stopped growing. And just because we're fucking dicks, let's Wikipedia a few more things.

2012: Obama: 65,915,795; Romney: 60,933,504

2008: Obama: 69,498,516; McCain: 59,948,323

2004: Bush: 62,040,610; Kerry: 59,030,000

Huh. Right now Trump has around 62 million votes, roughly equal to Bush's 2004 totals, whereas Hillary's rising popular vote total is greater than 2004 Bush, 2008 McCain or 2012 Romney.

Gosh, Kellyanne Conway, what a landslide. Historic. Blowout! Just kidding, Trump's "victory" is so small, his tiny hands could fit right into it, like a tiny mitten. Weak. Pathetic. Sad!

"Wave election" my white ass.

We hope that paycheck from the Trump campaign is good, because Conway's soul ain't getting into heaven anytime soon, what with her lies.

Unless she's just bad at math, which is entirely possible, because she's bad at lots of stuff.

This has been your morning update on Kellyanne Conway LOL U Suck.

[Kellyanne Conway on Twitter]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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