Friday

* Garrison Keiler is at Wolftrap making funny jokes in between boring songs. Or vice versa? Tickets start at $18, 8pm. [Wolftrap]

* "Seven Samuri" is playing at the AFI tonight. We'd go see it but we're not that into movies about ninjas or whatever. $9.25 at 8pm in Silver Spring. [AFI Silver]

* Naftali Bendavid is the Chicago Trib's Washington Deputy Beareau Chief, and tonight he'll discuss his new book about Rahm Emanuel and the 2006 midterm elections The Thumpin'. Bendavid likes Emanuel so much that we suggest double checking your copy to make sure the pages aren't stuck together. [P&P]

* "Burlesque" we think is another word for "still can't see anything". Le Scandal is a troupe from New York, they're all famous and stuff. $19.50, 7:30pm in Alexandra. [Birchmere]

Saturday

* Georgie James and friends are playing their music for you, and raising money to buy books for America. [BYT]

* If you hate good causes and love dudes with guitars, go see Martin Sexton at the 9:30. [930]

* " Come learn about Asian Americans commemorated on stamps" at the National Postal Museum's Asian Pacific Heritage Celebration. We really, really think you should do this one, because wtf. [NPM]

Sunday

* Black Gay Pride!!! At the Convention Center!! With Monica!! [DCBlackPride]

* 25 portraits of Sandra Day O'Connor, you say? Sign us up! [CP]

* If you go to the Prince vs. Michael Jackson dance party at the Black Cat you will make a serious DJ cry. [Black Cat]

Monday

* Go to a fucking barbecue or something.