Looks Like GOP Governor Candidates Picked The Wrong Election Day To Go MAGA

Sniffing glue remains an option.

Yesterday was not a great day for Republicans trying to become governors by running on a MAGA platform. To be sure, some certified (and certifiable) rightwing, Trumpy incumbents resisted challenges by Democrats in red states. Greg Abbott will keep spreading his foul stench over Texas for another four years, as will Ron DeSantis in Florida, Kim Reynolds in Iowa, and Kristi Noem in whichever Dakota she's in. The South one, we checked. In a loss that really hurt because damn it, we really liked her, Democrat Joy Hofmeister ended up nowhere close to defeating Trumpy Kevin Stitt of Oklahoma, who will presumably find a new disease for his state's unvaccinated National Guard members to spread. 

In another disappointment, future President of United Earth Stacey Abrams conceded the Georgia governor's race to incumbent Brian Kemp last night; we're going to list that separately because while Kemp is heinously rightwing and vote-suppressy, he's not part of the MAGA cult, which these days almost counts as a saving grace, but not quite. He's no Mike DeWine, is what we're saying. DeWine was reelected in Ohio, which was entirely expected.

But here's the thing: The MAGACHUDS trying to move into various governor's mansions for the most part failed spectacularly. So many big, big MAGAfails!

Probably the most significant of the bunch is in Pennsylvania, where Secretary of State Josh Shapiro stomped election denier and white nationalist-embracer Doug Mastriano , 55.7 percent to 42.5 percent. Mastriano, ever the Trumpsucker, has so far not conceded, which won't matter anyway because he lost. This one's a hell of a big deal, not simply because Mastriano would have signed any abortion ban to reach his desk, and not simply because the man's a QAnon-believing creep who hired open antisemites. It also means that, in Pennsylvania at least, there's now less chance of MAGAturds ratfucking the 2024 presidential election on Trump's behalf. Pennsylvania's secretary of state, who's in charge of elections, is appointed by the governor, and Mastriano would almost certainly have chosen a partner in election fuckery. Nutty liberal Shapiro is likely to pick someone who's competent and has experience, even!

Democratic incumbents also fended off MAGA challengers in the Midwest. In Michigan, Gov. Gretchen Whitmer won a second term against Trump-endorsed conspiracy promoter Tudor Dixon, who wanted to make child rape victims carry pregnancies to term, and fantasized about sending police to raid schools and seize all the porn. By god, taxpayers paid for that porn and it needs to be used.

And in Wisconsin, Gov. Tony Evers narrowly held his seat against election denier Tim Michels, who was sure Trump won in 2020. That means that if the ultra-gerrymandered state Lege wants to pass wingnut legislation, it'll have to override Evers's veto, a prospect that's far less likely because even with the gerrymander, the Republicans appear unable to win the five seats in the Assembly needed for a supermajority, although they should get a supermajority in the Senate.

Also too, a big asterisk for Arizona, where the race between Democrat Katie Hobbs and sentient pile of javelina scat Kari Lake remains too close to call . Lake currently has a thin lead with about 60 percent of the votes counted, but it's Arizona and it could take days to count everything. Nonetheless, as you'd expect, Lake is already lying about how she's being robbed, just in case.

In other wins, Democrats flipped two governor's seats, winning in Massachusetts, where Maura Healy will be the state's first openly gay governor, and in Maryland, where Wes Moore will become the state's first Black governor. He's also delightfully progressive, yay!

Also too, In Colorado, sad news for "kids are turning into CATS" lady Heidi Ganahl, who lost big time to incumbent Dem Jared Polis, although that was hardly a surprise.

So how did it go, big picture? Before yesterday, there were 28 Republicans in the country's governor's mansions and 22 Democrats.

As of now, there are 21 Democrats, 24 Republicans, and five too close to call — with the Democrats leading in three of them. Not bad for a night's work!

[ Politico / Axios / Philadelphia inquirer / Politico / CNN / Reuters / PBS Wisconsin / ]

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