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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today -- BUT FIRST! We're hitting the road next month and heading to DC for the March For Our Lives! We're making a few stops along the way to buy you pizza and beer, since you bought them for us to buy for you, so come out and front load some carbs!

The president woke up on the wrong side of senile again.

Melon Trump has "You're Fired" her friend after Donald Trump, a known cheapskate, became butthurt over reports that said friend was paid $26 million for inauguration planning. Let's be honest, he was probably just pissed that she was paid. [Morning Maddow]

A US District Court has found that pharma bro Martin Shkreli is responsible for screwing over his investors to the tune of $10.4 million, potentially leading to even MORE prison time.

Carter Page went on Hannity last night and called him "the Edward R. Murrow" of Trump-Russia for denying being a conspiracy peddling jackass.

Hope Hicks will head to the Hill with a couple of lattes; she's expected to sit with the House Intel Committee and dodge questions about Trump-Russia.

The Trump administration actually thinks House Republicans will abandon concealed-carry reciprocity and fall in line on increased background checks despite the House's repeated attempts to slide secret gun humping bills into every bill for the past decade.

Instead of calling for any specific legislation on gun control, Trump held another after school shooting special with governors in an attempt to look empathetic. Narrator: He didn't.

Georgia's state Senate Republicans are, in essence, extorting Delta Airlines for dropping NRA discounts by threatening to kill a proposed tax credit on jet fuel. The butthurt is being lead by Georgia's Lt. Gov. Casey Cagle, who feels that the corporation is attacking conservatives' Second Amendment right ability to get discounts.

Rather than follow in Delta's wake, FedEx sent a nastygram that criticized the NRA's fondness for assault weapons, but FedEx ultimately opted to puss out instead of standing its ground.

The Supreme Court passed on hearing a DACA case, dealing a serious blow to the Trump administration. Now, Congress critters are scuttling about the Hill under even more pressure to reach a deal for Dreamers.

A new report from the Anti-Defamation League shows 2017 had 1986 anti-Semitic incidents, a 57 percent increase from 2016, but obviously there's bad hombres on both sides.

After word leaked that Trump wants his personal pilot to head the FAA, the swamp rose up to greet him; now lobbyists and senators are openly doubting Trump's pilot would be confirmed.

Rather than respond to criticisms that he's paying back the grifty payday lenders who donated to his campaign, Mick Mulvaney is now just telling Elizabeth Warren to fuck off.

John Kelly is getting sick of the entity known as Javanka, privately bitching about Ivanka "playing government," and having to clean up the spreading stain that is Jared Kushner. Good thing we have nepotism laws.

Democratic Sen. Amy Klobuchar has suggested that maybe it's not a bad idea to slap tech companies with federal fines for failing to smack down Russian bots.

It's only a coincidence that the richest and poorest members of Congress are all retiring, while some of the most vulnerable incumbents are all worth over a million dollars. Money, it's a gas!

Sen. Dianne Feinstein gives zero fucks about not being endorsed by the California Democratic Party; aides are saying their goal has been to make sure her primary opponent, Kevin de León, didn't get secure the endorsement.

Mississippi Republican scumbag and state Sen. Chris McDaniel is expected to announce a primary challenge against GOP Sen. Roger Wicker after getting sick of waiting for Thad Cochran to die.

Bernie Sanders's kid, Levi Sanders, is joining the crowded Democratic primary for New Hampshire's First District, but he's facing criticism as he does not live there.

Clueless's Stacey Dash is running for Congress in California's 44th. As of this morning, she's the only Republican dumb enough to run in this solidly Democratic district.

As the FBI closes in on Rep. Duncan Hunter, his opponents are surrounding him on all sides, and since California has a top-two primary, Hunter could be knocked out of the race before the general election.

The Arizona state senator vying for the seat of disgraced former Rep. Trent Franks, Steve Montenegro, is making Republicans SUPER nervous. Their fear is centered over his own sex scandal, and that even if he does win, Montenegro may become "another Roy Moore situation."

Kentucky's gay-hatin', cock-fighting millionaire Republican Governor Matt Bevin thinks that America's culture problem triggered the MSD shooting -- not the fetishization of guns, but all the violent buttfucking in our movies and video games.

West Virginia teachers and service workers are in their FOURTH day of striking for more pay!

A group led by Eric Holder is suing Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker over his refusal to hold special elections to fill vacant seats in the state capital.

Twenty states are suing to repeal Obamacare's individual mandate tax penalty (again), arguing that the mandate is unconstitutional so they should just strip all the poors from their healthcare.

The senior US diplomat for North Korean policy, Joseph Yun, is retiring, after the 32-year foreign service veteran became fed up with the fights between the old peace freaks in the State Department and the bloodthirsty war hawks in Trump's White House.

Comcast has sucker punched Mickey Mouse and kicked Rupert Murdoch in the dick by offering a surprise $31 billion bid to buy UK-based broadcaster Sky.

An increasing number of reports are concluding that rideshare companies like Lyft and Uber are screwing up transportation in cities by adding to congestion and competing with mass transit as lazy people bitch about having to walk or ride a bike a few extra blocks.

Some pencil pushers at a DC think tank have released a report that finds the US lost $600 billion to cybercrime in 2016 (or .8 percent of GDP), and they're pointing fingers at Iran, China, North Korea, and people's general ignorance, stating, "“many technology users fail to take the most basic protective measures..."

And here's your morning Nice Time! Baby Goats!

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Image: Marriott Hotels

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.

In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

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