Louie Gohmert Is Sorry, But He's Just Gonna Have To Kill Us All

2020 presidential election

Last week, Congressman Louie Gohmert filed a last minute lawsuit against Mike Pence, demanding that on January 6th, he use his power as president of the Senate to decide to give the election to Donald Trump by refusing to count the electoral votes from the "contested states" (ie: somehow, all of the swing states that went for Biden) and instead counting the electoral votes submitted by the "alternate slates" of electors who voted for Trump. And he would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for a meddling federal court telling him that he has absolutely no standing to do that.

Gohmert, naturally, was not happy about this, and says that the court has left him with no remedy but to go to the streets and "be as violent as Antifa and BLM." Or, really, as violent as Antifa and BLM are, in the minds of people like Louie Gohmert.

Because let's be real here. Throwing a brick through a Starbucks window isn't the kind of "violence" that is going to overturn an election. If the Right wants to really scare people, they'll have to threaten to be as violent as themselves. After all, they're the ones going around killing people and attempting to kidnap governors and what have you. They're the ones walking around, armed to the teeth, claiming that the Second Amendment gives them the right to kill us all if they don't think things are going their way.


And that, really, is what Gohmert thinks should happen here. Because they fact is, there is not a legal "remedy" to Donald Trump not winning the election. He lost the election. So yes, I suppose the only way that he and other people who want four more years of Donald Trump have to get their way is to just start going homicidal and hope that works out for them. Though they still might have some trouble there.

Gohmert is not the only one trying to push out last minute plans to overturn the election. Ted Cruz is also gonna try something else that is obviously not going to work. He released his plan in a joint statement with Ron Johnson (R-Wis.), James Lankford (R-Okla.), Steve Daines (R-Mont.), John Kennedy (R-La.), Marsha Blackburn (R-Tenn.), and Mike Braun (R-Ind.), and Senators-Elect Cynthia Lummis (R-Wyo.), Roger Marshall (R-Kan.), Bill Hagerty (R-Tenn.), and Tommy Tuberville (R-Ala.

Jim Carrey Chance GIF Giphy


Cruz's plan involves rejecting the electors from the states they think shouldn't have been allowed to vote for Biden instead of Trump, but only as a last resort if he's not allowed to conduct an audit of said states that produces the results he wants. The reason he thinks this deserves an audit is because almost 70 percent of Republicans believe the election was stolen from Donald Trump and if they believe hard enough, they can make it true and real. Elections, as we know, must follow the same rules as Tinkerbell.


"Voter fraud has posed a persistent challenge in our elections, although its breadth and scope are disputed. By any measure, the allegations of fraud and irregularities in the 2020 election exceed any in our lifetimes.

"And those allegations are not believed just by one individual candidate. Instead, they are widespread. Reuters/Ipsos polling, tragically, shows that 39% of Americans believe 'the election was rigged.' That belief is held by Republicans (67%), Democrats (17%), and Independents (31%).

"Some Members of Congress disagree with that assessment, as do many members of the media.

"But, whether or not our elected officials or journalists believe it, that deep distrust of our democratic processes will not magically disappear. It should concern us all. And it poses an ongoing threat to the legitimacy of any subsequent administrations.

"Ideally, the courts would have heard evidence and resolved these claims of serious election fraud. Twice, the Supreme Court had the opportunity to do so; twice, the Court declined.

This might hold some kind of water if there were any reason to believe that tons of fraud happened other than wanting to believe that tons of fraud happened — or just really, really, really wanting Donald Trump to be president for another four years.

So what Cruz wants to do is to conduct a "10-day audit of the election returns in the disputed states." If he doesn't get his audit, all of those signing the joint statement will reject the electors from the "disputed states."

"The most direct precedent on this question arose in 1877, following serious allegations of fraud and illegal conduct in the Hayes-Tilden presidential race. Specifically, the elections in three states-Florida, Louisiana, and South Carolina-were alleged to have been conducted illegally.

"In 1877, Congress did not ignore those allegations, nor did the media simply dismiss those raising them as radicals trying to undermine democracy. Instead, Congress appointed an Electoral Commission-consisting of five Senators, five House Members, and five Supreme Court Justices-to consider and resolve the disputed returns.

"We should follow that precedent. To wit, Congress should immediately appoint an Electoral Commission, with full investigatory and fact-finding authority, to conduct an emergency 10-day audit of the election returns in the disputed states. Once completed, individual states would evaluate the Commission's findings and could convene a special legislative session to certify a change in their vote, if needed.

"Accordingly, we intend to vote on January 6 to reject the electors from disputed states as not 'regularly given' and 'lawfully certified' (the statutory requisite), unless and until that emergency 10-day audit is completed.

He then tries to claim that such an audit will restore faith in the democratic process from those who think the election was stoen from Trump. It will not.

"We are not naïve. We fully expect most if not all Democrats, and perhaps more than a few Republicans, to vote otherwise. But support of election integrity should not be a partisan issue. A fair and credible audit-conducted expeditiously and completed well before January 20-would dramatically improve Americans' faith in our electoral process and would significantly enhance the legitimacy of whoever becomes our next President. We owe that to the People.

Quite frankly, no, we owe these people nothing and should not care if they distrust our democratic processes, because the only people who believe this shit are either disingenuous or delusional. There is literally nothing on earth that can or will ever "convince" them. The problem is not that they actually believe there was any fraud or "irregularities," but that they think there is a chance they could do a good enough job of convincing everyone else this happened so they can overturn the election results and get four more years of Trump.

I know this, you know this, Ted Cruz knows this and everyone signing that joint statement knows this. The whole purpose of this whole thin is simply to put off what is inevitably going to happen on January 6th, and also to allow those Senators to appeal to all of the people who think the election was stolen and let them know they're on their side. Because they know the election wasn't "rigged" and therefore still need those people to vote for them in order to stay in office. Duh.

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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