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Thinkin' cap.


Know what's super? How the Republican-controlled House of Representatives passed TWO bills on Tuesday, both of which were very Nice-Nice and all 'bout gettin' some girls all up in science's grill. That's a good thing, yeah? Because everybody knows far fewer ladyparts-havers end up pursuing careers in the sciences, and yet we NEED more people in STEM (science, technology, engineering and math, if you don't Know Things) fields, so if we can get the chicks to pick up a beaker every now and then, everybody wins, yeah?

[contextly_sidebar id="v6NlGENFyimdAASLBmFYPg49qJJbGU8R"]Well, not everybody. First check out how overwhelmingly easy these votes were, and then we'll tell you why Rep. Louie Gohmert is yet again the dumbest, lady-hatin'-est motherfucking Texas cow pattie-munching goat-romancer in the history of everything:

The first of the two measures, which would authorize the National Science Foundation to use its entrepreneurial programs to recruit women, passed 383-4. The other bill, passed 380-3, would require NASA to develop a plan for facilitating mentorship programs between established scientists and female K-12 students interested in science fields. [...]

Yet Republican Reps. Justin Amash (Mich.), Louie Gohmert (Texas) and Thomas Massie (Ky.) voted against both bills. Rep. Glenn Grothman (R-Wis.) supported the science mentorship legislation but opposed the other measure.

Ladies In Science! Vaginas In Space! GET SOME.

Here's why Gohmert voted against the National Science Foundation bill. It involves Dr. King's dreams about white scientists with penises:

Gohmert acknowledged that the bill was “well intentioned,” but said that “this program is designed to discriminate against that young, poverty-stricken boy and to encourage the girl. Forget the boy. Encourage the girl.”

“It just seems that, if we are ever going to get to the dream of Martin Luther King, Jr., that he spoke just down the Mall, he wanted people to be judged by the content of their character and not by the color of their skin,” the Texas Republican opined. “I know after race has been an issue that needed attention, then gender appropriately got attention.”

BRB snorting anti-depressants real fast before we suck down any more Gohmert thoughts on King's famous "I Have A Dream About Is That A Cock Under Your Lab Coat Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?" speech.

“It just seems like, when we come in and we say that it is important that for a while we discriminate, we end up getting behind,” he continued. “And then probably 25 years from now boys are going to have fallen behind in numbers, and then we are going to need to come in and say: Actually, when we passed that bill forcing encouragement of girls and not encouraging of little boys, we were getting behind the eight ball. We didn’t see that we were going to be leaving little boys in the ditch ...”

Hold up, does the bill actually say, "Now, while the girls are in science class, make sure you tell the boys that only queers and girls like science, so better go play in a ditch all homeless and poverty-stricken for the rest of your life?" No, it does not. This means Louie Gohmert is either an illiterate turdmonkey or ... meh, no need to be charitable. It's probably that.

As to his opposition to the OTHER bill, about NASA boobies in outer space, let's just infer that his reasons are also Dr. King and boys in ditches and illiterate turdmonkey. That's fair, right?

[contextly_sidebar id="my94AnrbdpzbrHihjMfqlKKFxgbu44fu"]Now, we could waste a whole paragraph explaining how boys are already naturally pushed toward STEM paths, and how boys already all know they're the best at science ANYWAY. We could point out the totally "no shit, Sherlock" fact that giving girls a hand-up wouldn't actually change anything about that, but you are not a confused fucksnot like Congressgopher Louie Gohmert, are you?

We could also spend a paragraph asking WHAT EVEN THE FUCK is wrong with the other handful of congressional (MALE) cumfarts who voted with Gohmert here, but let's focus on Happy Thoughts instead.

[contextly_sidebar id="st3QSbnIKuskP0gWLlCInedqfAqJXO2v"]Like hey, think about the number of shitwaffle Republicans who voted FOR this! For instance, EVERY Republican member of the House Benghazi Committee! That sorority rep from Alabama, Martha Roby, who couldn't believe Hillary was home THE WHOLE NIGHT while she was doing Benghazi? Well on the subject of girl scientists, even she is Pretty Sure? Like, girls can use a Bunsen Burner, OK?

[contextly_sidebar id="sc3ezvBCsoTCiKzCebmIZl8NDvUqdyha"]Trey Gowdy? Check. That Georgia Foghorn Leghorn-throated Rep. Lynn Westmoreland? He might talk slow but I say, I say, if a little lady thinks she's got what it takes to phoe-toe-synthesize a frog, she's welcome to give it a look-see!

But not Gohmert or his Chiclet-dicked pals. Guess they're just FRAIDY CAT PUSSIES scared of girls being smarter than they are, can't imagine why, fuck them in the ass, goodbye.

[The Hill / RawStory]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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