Louie Gohmert JES' WONDERIN' If A Mask Gave Him The COVID-19
Why yes, we have already told you about Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Dumbfuck di tutti Dumbfucks) testing positive for coronavirus. Since we posted that story, more stuff has developed, and not just in Gohmert's lungs, and it made the editrix so mad she made us do a followup. That's how mad she was!
JAKE, THANK YOU for letting our office know Louie tested positive for the Coronavirus. When you write your story, can you include the fact that Louie requires full staff to be in the office, including three interns, so that 'we could be an example to America on how to open up safely.' When probing the office, you might want to ask how often were people berated for wearing masks.
Well that's nice. Gotta have the office fully staffed, because we are now open, and very safely! So safely that we'll ignore basic infection control measures like wearing masks, because weren't you paying attention, we have reopened safely.
We should also note that when he learned he'd tested positive,
Gohmert didn't immediately isolate and self-quarantine, as health experts advise. He reportedly returned to his office, saying he wanted to inform his staffers of the test result in person rather than having them learn from news reports. Several staffers were already in the process of leaving by the time he arrived.
Gotta make sure you have that personal touch, though hopefully without any actual touching? We suppose we'll eventually find out whether he wore a mask — presumably, but this is Louie Gohmert.
The far bigger news, of course, is that Louie Gohmert, in keeping with his declared mission of always being the stupidest dumbshit in Congress, is jes' wondering if maybe it was wearing a mask that made him catch the Rona in the first place. In an interview with East Texas TV station KETK, Gohmert told anchor Cynthia McLaughlin he suspected that might have been the case. Jesus this idiot:
I can't help but wonder if by keeping a mask on and keeping it in place, that if I might have put some germs, some virus, some of the virus onto the mask and breathed it in. I don't know, but I got it, we'll see what happens from here, but the reports of my demise are very premature.
When McLaughlin asked what he thought about several East Texas counties where authorities have said they won't be enforcing the state's mask mandate, Gohmert chuckled and said,
I think ... this used to be what was called a free country, and people could do what they thought was appropriate, and if somebody feels strongly about everybody should wear a mask, then they shouldn't be around people that don't wear masks. But I do feel that once somebody has been found to have the coronavirus, that they should wear a mask, preferably not even be in public. [...] I think that's important.
Presumably, because people shouldn't be constrained by government rules, Gohmert then drove the wrong way up a one-way street and blew through a few red lights because he was in a hurry.
McLaughlin, in an object lesson of why people who haven't done a goddamned bit of research shouldn't be on TV, then asked if Gohmert thought people who aren't sick should wear masks for their own protection. Congratulations, you completely missed one of the most basic fact about this fucking pandemic: People can be infected and can make others sick without having any symptoms themselves. That is the whole point of mask mandates, you idiot local news dipshit. How the hell can McLaughlin have been working in a newsroom for more than 10 minutes — during a pandemic outbreak in Texas! — without having heard that? (Um, also, yes, it seems clear that people should also wear masks for their own protection, although the science isn't yet in on how much protection they provide — definitely some, possibly quite a bit!)
Gohmert then doubled down on what seems to be his growing conviction that wearing a mask made him sick: "I can't help but think that if I hadn't been wearing a mask so much in the last 10 days or so, I really wonder if I would have gotten it." He then speculated, repeating a favorite Donald Trump bit of nonsense, that he had accidentally gotten some virus on the mask while adjusting it and that's how he became infected.
Because just touching his hands all over his dumb yokel face without a mask would have been fine? He probably believes it's safer to not wear a seatbelt, so you can be thrown clear of a wreck.
But would he have been infected if he hadn't worn a mask so much? Why yes, he probably would have! After all these months, this fucking imbecile (who has the power to make laws) just never cared to understand the first thing about why masks matter, even when it was explained to him. A masked person can still be infected, especially if, like Gohmert, they hang out with a lot of people who aren't wearing masks. Hell, he doesn't let his own staff wear masks. There's a far greater chance that he may have been infected by a maskless staffer, a fellow member of the House, or for that matter a constituent (you just know he shakes hands, and that his fans don't wear masks), than from a stray bit of viral RNA that he wiped onto a mask.
There are plenty of vectors for the virus, and wearing a mask is not one of them you shithead, the end.
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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.