Donate

It's that thing when you have a boner for a long time and it hurts now.


Texas Republican Congressman Louie Gohmert doesn't have an erection right now. (Unless he does.) But Louie Gohmert gets boners sometimes, and he knows sometimes there need to be laws, to protect people from his boners. He explained this to Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council, who also does not have an erection right now. (Unless he does.)

Why, when Louie was in seventh grade...

When it comes to this current legislation where — in most of the world, in most of the religions, the major religions, you have men and you have women, and there are some abnormalities but for heaven’s sake, I was as good a kid as you can have growing up, I never drank alcohol till I was legal, never to, still, use an illegal drug, but in the seventh grade if the law had been that all I had to do was say, ‘I’m a girl,’ and I got to go in the girls’ restroom, I don’t know if I could’ve withstood that temptation just to get educated back in those days.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/599973/north-carolina-republicans-pass-bill-telling-transgaysexuals-to-eff-right-off"></a>[/wonkbar]Louie Gohmert is talking about North Carolina's transgender bathroom law, and he's cottonpickin' for certain that if you said he could tuck Little Louie between his thighs and put some Maybelline on his mouth hole, he woulda declared for certain and for obvious that he was a girl trapped in a boy's body, in hopes of catching a glimpse of a little boobysnatch in the ladies' room. (Not that girls are naked in the girls' room, MORON. At most he would have gotten to hear a girl poop.)

He wouldn't have been worried that all his fellow Tough Straight Guy friends would have made fun of him for being so pathetic that the only way he could have a prayer of seeing girl parts would be to become a known creeper.

He's also not very intelligent (NO SHIT) and seems unable to understand that by golly that's not what these laws are about anyway:

To be telling states that you have to let boys in the little girls' restrooms, or we're pulling our business, is just the height of lunacy!

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/600110/these-dudes-cant-wait-to-pee-next-to-your-wife"></a>[/wonkbar]That would be crazy, if this was about that! Of course, it's about letting actual transgender men (like these guys) use the men's room and actual transgender ladies use the ladies' room. We reckon if the issue at hand was letting the man pictured above throw his voice real high and call himself "Louise" for five minutes every day after third period in order to see some hoo-hoo-giggles, these LGBT liberals would be against that!

Mike Huckabee might be for it, though. He's on the record saying he wouldn't have been able to keep his furry Arkansas Sex Squirrel in his pants if he could have pretended to be a lady and showered with the girls in high school.

And uh ... well, the fact that Louie Gohmert's brain goes directly to what a stiffie he woulda gotten, if only ... um, um, um, (GULP)  ... Louie Gohmert will catch up with you guys later, after he plays Texas Hold 'Em with his penis, through the holes he cut out of his pants pockets.

Y'all are drowning in your own vomit right now, post over.

[Right Wing Watch]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

$
Donate with CC

Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc