Louie Gohmert Would Have Gotten A Stiffie And Here's Why
It's that thing when you have a boner for a long time and it hurts now.
Texas Republican Congressman Louie Gohmert doesn't have an erection right now. (Unless he does.) But Louie Gohmert gets boners sometimes, and he knows sometimes there need to be laws, to protect people from his boners. He explained this to Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council, who also does not have an erection right now. (Unless he does.)
Why, when Louie was in seventh grade...
When it comes to this current legislation where — in most of the world, in most of the religions, the major religions, you have men and you have women, and there are some abnormalities but for heaven’s sake, I was as good a kid as you can have growing up, I never drank alcohol till I was legal, never to, still, use an illegal drug, but in the seventh grade if the law had been that all I had to do was say, ‘I’m a girl,’ and I got to go in the girls’ restroom, I don’t know if I could’ve withstood that temptation just to get educated back in those days.
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/599973/north-carolina-republicans-pass-bill-telling-transgaysexuals-to-eff-right-off"></a>[/wonkbar]Louie Gohmert is talking about North Carolina's transgender bathroom law, and he's cottonpickin' for certain that if you said he could tuck Little Louie between his thighs and put some Maybelline on his mouth hole, he woulda declared for certain and for obvious that he was a girl trapped in a boy's body, in hopes of catching a glimpse of a little boobysnatch in the ladies' room. (Not that girls are naked in the girls' room, MORON. At most he would have gotten to hear a girl poop.)
He wouldn't have been worried that all his fellow Tough Straight Guy friends would have made fun of him for being so pathetic that the only way he could have a prayer of seeing girl parts would be to become a known creeper.
He's also not very intelligent (NO SHIT) and seems unable to understand that by golly that's not what these laws are about anyway:
To be telling states that you have to let boys in the little girls' restrooms, or we're pulling our business, is just the height of lunacy!
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/600110/these-dudes-cant-wait-to-pee-next-to-your-wife"></a>[/wonkbar]That would be crazy, if this was about that! Of course, it's about letting actual transgender men (like these guys) use the men's room and actual transgender ladies use the ladies' room. We reckon if the issue at hand was letting the man pictured above throw his voice real high and call himself "Louise" for five minutes every day after third period in order to see some hoo-hoo-giggles, these LGBT liberals would be against that!
Mike Huckabee might be for it, though. He's on the record saying he wouldn't have been able to keep his furry Arkansas Sex Squirrel in his pants if he could have pretended to be a lady and showered with the girls in high school.
And uh ... well, the fact that Louie Gohmert's brain goes directly to what a stiffie he woulda gotten, if only ... um, um, um, (GULP) ... Louie Gohmert will catch up with you guys later, after he plays Texas Hold 'Em with his penis, through the holes he cut out of his pants pockets.
Y'all are drowning in your own vomit right now, post over.
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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