Madison Cawthorn Too Busy Getting Busy With Wife To Deal With The People's Business

Congress

Last week Axios reported that GOP Rep. Madison Cawthorn led the pack of freshmen cutting class, missing a whopping 16.2 percent of the votes since swearing an oath to represent the interests of his North Carolina constituents in the House. Luckily Cawthorn has a very good excuse and it was that he was too busy making sexytimes with his new wife. (Or whatever he meant by "service as a husband.")

"It just shows exactly how the Democrats feel about the nuclear family in America right now," the newlywed father of none told "Real America's Voice" host David Brody. "I will tell you, I was doing the only thing that I find more important than my service here in congress, and that was my service as a husband. I just got married about seven weeks ago and my wife and I went on our honeymoon."

Mazal tov to the lovely couple! And where did the congressman take the new Missus? We know he's already crossed Hitler's summer home off his bucket list. Did the happy honeymooners tour Pol Pot's bunker? Visit Rome to bask in the glow of Mussolini's balcony? Or just keep it low key with a pilgrimage to Father Coughlin's grave?


Well, wherever they were, they were so busy doing "marital service" that Cawthorn couldn't be bothered to vote remotely. Not even by proxy.

Cawthorn had no explanation for why he needed to get hitched during the legislative session rather than during the several months of the year when the House is in recess. Instead he appeared to accuse Democrats of allowing votes to "pile up" during his honeymoon just to make him look like a lazy asshole. Pffffft, like we have to lift a finger for that.

Coming in at 14th place, the freshman Democrat who blew off the most votes was New York's Rep. Jamaal Bowman with just a 2.8 percent truancy rate, meaning there are 13 Gippers including Cawthorn ahead of him on that list. Because Republicans are not here to govern, they just want to fuck shit up. Although most are less explicit than Cawthorn, who bragged that "I have built my staff around comms rather than legislation."

"Every single vote that came up was some Democrat garbage, so I was happy to be able to not actually have to vote on those," Cawthorn gabbled on to Brody, painting his fundamental unseriousness as a virtue. "Because they're eliminating our voices. They're not allowing us to debate on the House floor. And, I'm telling you, if I had to choose between voting with Nancy Pelosi or spending time with my beautiful wife, I'll choose Cristina every time."

Yes, please do that, Blondie. Choose Cristina every time to stick it to the libs! Oh, we would be so triggered.

OPEN THREAD!

[Business Insider / Axios]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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