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This weekend, the Soros-funded Left tried to destroy the lives of some fine young men from Covington Catholic School in Kentucky by forcing them to wear MAGA hats in public and act like jerks. It's only been a few days, but it's still an open question whether they can ever fully recover their simple lives of attempting to control women's bodies.

The National Review's David French lamented their plight in yet another whiny ballad for the oppressed white dude. He writes:

Last year, conservative wives looked at the furious attack on Kavanaugh and thought, "That could be my husband." Now conservative moms look at the wild attempt to destroy the Covington kids and think, "That could be my son."

Poor Brett Kavanaugh! Condemned to serve on the nation's highest court for all eternity. They say he wanders the halls of the Supreme Court, chains rattling behind him as he whispers, "Transgender soldiers nevermore!" What horrible fate awaits the Covington kids? Maybe an Arby's-catered dinner at the White House? Or better yet, a full-court press junket designed to scrub and sanitize.

Nick Sandmann, the student featured in the original viral video, sat down for an interview this morning with Savannah Guthrie from the "Today" show. His agent deserves props. He wasn't even nominated for an Academy Award. Sandmann felt like the world had judged him based "off one expression," and he wanted to demonstrate that he's more than just "Blue Steel."


Sandmann didn't put on the red cap for his softball session, but the self-satisfied smugness we all saw with our own eyes was still present. He keeps pressing on his "right" to be there and his "right" to stand his ground against the Black Israelites (who are jerks!) or the scary old guy with a drum (who isn't!).

Sandmann claims the students started chanting back at the Black Israelites because they couldn't just stand there and let the group "slander" them. They all attend a Catholic school. Maybe they're too busy studying how best to restrict women's rights, but surely they've at least heard of Jesus Christ, the guy who literally spoke of "turning the other cheek." The Christian response would've been to just leave, not "go make tomahawk chops at an old man instead." This advice works across all denominations. It was even the big lesson in an episode of the 1980s Thundercats cartoon.

Cheetara: The whole thing's ridiculous. He's fighting to save his pride.
Panthro: He had no choice, Cheetara.
Cheetara: Of course he had a choice! He could have walked away! He's just lowering himself to that madman's level.

Sandmann admits that, in "hindsight," maybe they should've waited for their buses someplace else and avoided the whole thing. It also took the Thundercats the entire episode to finally listen to their sole woman member.

Lion-O: I should never have fought him. Cheetara was right. I let him get to me, and until I can control that, I've got a long way to go.

Hindsight aside, Sandmann doesn't really regret his actions. He keeps coming back to the familiar "they started it!" defense.

Sandmann: I certainly hope they didn't feel threatened by us. I would just say the fact remains they initiated their comments with us. I mean they provoked us into a peaceful response of school spirit.

Now, allow me to retort:

Jesus H. Christ: If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.

Seriously, it's right there in the text. Not even the adult chaperones who approved the chants considered these words? There's gotta be at least one copy of the Bible somewhere on campus. Is the school library now just assorted editions of The Art of the Deal?

Peak white privilege is the acceptance of the benign descriptor "school spirit" for behavior conservatives would just call "gangster shit" if black kids did it. They call our kids "thugs" for wearing hoodies or making any movements at all with our hands.

Over on "Fox & Friends" this morning, a couple Covington students showed up to plead their case to the most receptive audience possible. Co-host Steve Doocy asked senior Sam Schroder to explain an incident five years ago when a student was caught on camera wearing blackface at a pep rally. The kid's response was mind-blowing.

"I just explain it as showing school spirit. We have many themes. Like nerd, business, whiteout, blueout, blackout—as you've seen in the video. Ever since I've gone to CovCath, we haven't been able to wear black paint because of the video, but I know the kids meant nothing by it, it's just showing school spirit."

OK, stop trying to make your right-wing mayonnaise factory seem "hep." "CovCath"? GTFOH with that. Also, what in the name of Megyn Kelly is this boy talking about? How is blackface demonstrating school spirit? We shudder to think what their school mascot is called.

The more these kids speak, the more repulsed a lot of us get. Conversely, if you dare to peek at the YouTube comments on the Sandmann interview, there's a scary minority who consider him a hero. Their state's senator, Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, just defended them on the Senate floor.

McConnell is as operatic as French and so many other conservatives who think they're being persecuted. The senator has never defended so passionately or frankly given a damn about the black Americans who've had the cops called on them or who were even arrested for no good reason other than spooking white people. These kids have no visible scars. There are likely no internal injuries, either. Sandmann certainly doesn't appear chastened or wounded. Compare his interview to the one with Ahmed Mohamed, the Muslim teen arrested for bringing a clock to school.

As usual, we'll let Sarah Huckabee Sanders have the last, most correct word:

Just kidding, that's terrible.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Seattle. However, he's more reliable for food and drink recommendations in Portland, where he spends a lot of time for theatre work. His co-adaptation of "Jitterbug Perfume" by Tom Robbins runs from March through May at Pioneer Square's Cafe Nordo.

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The South just can't quit their memorials to racist traitors. They regularly pitch a fit if black folks try to take down a statue honoring people who fought and died to keep us slaves. Now someone from the heritage and totally not hate crowd has proposed building a brand new one in the rural town of Taneytown, Maryland.

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