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Make Robyn's Eggplant Parmesan With Spaghetti And Gravy! (Not That Kind Of Gravy, Gross!)

Culture

[Editrix's note: Robyn talks about "gravy," by which she apparently means "spaghetti sauce." She is Italian, so I guess we will defer to her? Or is she being weird? She is weird sometimes. Guess there is no way for any of us to ever know.]


Do you have the day off? Are you my Nonnie? Then why not celebrate by making what I made for dinner this weekend, which is eggplant parmesan with gravy and spaghetti.

The reason we call it Sunday Gravy is because you probably don't have enough time for this shit on a weekday. However, it's really, really, really good and you should make it sometime when taking several hours to make dinner doesn't seem like the worst idea anyone's ever had.

You're gonna start with your gravy -- at least 3 hours before you plan on eating -- because that needs to simmer for a long ass time. I just made it with sausage this time (because there's eggplant, so adding meatballs and braciole seemed excessive for two people), and I must say it turned out REALLY good. Like, not gonna lie, I was pretty impressed with me. I make my gravy different all the time, so it's basically always a surprise.

GRAVY

5 cans crushed tomatoes

One Italian sausage (I guess, depending on size. I got a huge one so I just did one, if you have smaller ones, use two or three)

Olive oil

Parsley

Basil

Oregano

Minced Garlic

Minced Carrots, Celery and Onions (shallots if you're fancy)

Crushed Red Pepper

Butter

Chianti (or any red wine, I guess, I just happened to have Chianti on hand)

Pour some olive oil into the pot and heat it up. Stick a fork into the sausage in a couple places, then brown it in said pot. If it's a big one, you can cut it up (once it's browned so it's not spilling out all over the place), if they're smaller then I guess you could use two or three. Throw the garlic, carrots, celery and onions in there and cook til translucent.

Then, turn the oven off and dump all your crushed tomatoes in there, and turn it back on. Let it simmer for an hour or so.

Bust open a bottle of chianti, and dump some of that in to reduce the sauce, and also pour yourself a glass. Then throw a stick of butter in. Stick that over on the back burner and let it simmer.

Now you're gonna do your eggplant!

EGGPLANT

2 Eggplants (or one GIANT eggplant)

Can of Italian Breadcrumbs

Bottle of vegetable oil

5 eggs

Wondra Flour

Salt

Shredded mozzarella

Parmesan cheese

Peel your eggplants with the peeler thingie. Then you're gonna cut slices of the eggplant with a regular (v sharp) knife — and you've gotta do it so they're SUPER thin. Like, as thin as you can possibly get them. Almost paper thin. That is the most important thing, because thick eggplant is kinda gross, tbh.

Salting the eggplant is, I think, optional. Usually I don't bother if it's a nice eggplant. But if you're gonna do that, you're gonna wanna spread your eggplant across a bunch of baking sheets/plates/whatever, and then shake some salt on it. Then go sit down, finish a glass of wine, have a cigarette, do whatever. I usually do one eggplant at a time, btw, and do this twice. I honestly just don't have enough space to do both at once.

After you chill for a bit, and give eggplant a few minutes with the salt, wash it off in the sink with cold water.

Pile all your eggplant onto one plate, then grab three more bowls and another plate. Crack the eggs in the bowl and whisk, put the breadcrumbs in a different bowl, and the Wondra flour in another. Dip the eggplant slices in the flour, then the egg, then dip them in the breadcrumbs, and put them on the other plate. Eventually the breadcrumbs are gonna get clumpy and gross, so take the clumpy gross parts out and replace with new breadcrumbs.

Once you are finally done with that, pour yourself another glass of wine. It is at this point that you put your spices into the gravy -- if you do it before then, you're not really gonna taste them. I have no idea what amount I use, honestly -- I just go by smell? I guess if it's not something you usually do, put a little of each in first, and add more as you cook if you think it needs more. Continue simmering!

So now you've got your big plate of eggplant that's all breaded and ready to go. You're gonna take your frying pan, heat it up for a minute, then pour your vegetable oil in. I try and do enough so it's gonna sort of cover the eggplant slices.

Set up a baking sheet or whatever covered in a sheet of paper towels.

Throw as many slices in as you can fit in, let them simmer for a bit, check the bottoms to see if they've gotten light brown. If they're brown, flip them. Let those simmer a bit, check to see if the bottoms are brown, if they are, throw them onto the sheet with the paper towels. Keep repeating, when you've filled up the sheet, put another paper towel over the slices and start again.

Now you're going to get out a casserole dish and a ladle.

Ladle some gravy onto the bottom of the casserole dish, and then layer your eggplant on there, and some mozzarella (NOT A LOT, just a sprinkling), and some parmesan. Repeat until you're out of eggplant, and then sprinkle a lot more cheese of both kinds on the top. Throw it in the oven at about 375 or 400.

Have some more wine, make spaghetti. When the spaghetti is done, check on your eggplant to see if the cheese is all melted, which it probably should be, so take it out or leave it in for a few minutes if it's not. Wash off your spaghetti, put it in a bowl with the rest of your gravy and serve. Oh, also probably put the sausage on a different plate or save for sandwiches.

Eat, and also drink more wine, and demand everyone praise you.

Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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