Make the Most Out of 2011 Before It All Goes to Hell
Thanks to all the limbless gay soldiers, 2011 could very well be the last full year our great earth exists. It's a shame, really, considering how much we've invested in soldiers (even the gay ones) over the years. It’s also the year when D.C. will becomeOne and we'll have to say goodbye to dedicated bike lanes, wine bars, food trucks, et cetera, and so forth. It has Been Written that 2012 is The End, so we guess the only appropriate thing to do is make the best out of whatever 2011 we get. Unless we realize we're all limbless gay soldiers who hate wine bars anyway?
No one cares if you want to be a better person in 2011. Maybe you want to befriend a teabagger or get in touch with your inner Republican? That’s great! But while you're reevaluating who you want to be in 2011, what's important is that you enjoy D.C., so that when you eventually leave to go to New York or back home, you'll only be moderately spiteful of the city you once called home:
2011 TO-DO list:
- Visit an up-and-coming neighborhood: Not only do up-and-coming neighborhoods have crime, prostitution, and housing projects, they also have beer palaces, gourmet steak restaurants, and mini golf courses. Try Big Bear Cafe and Rustik Tavern in Bloomingdale, Smith Commons in the Atlas District, and Pound Coffee in NoMa. Let 2011 be the year you avoid all the fully developed parts of the District.
- Be a tourist: It’s only a matter of time before emotionally fragile people are lured by the FBI into bombing the Washington Monument or the Lincoln Memorial, at which point the only tourist activity that won’t require a full body search will be riding a Segway or planting grass on the Mall. It's best to do the tourist activities now, before everyone is a terrorist and enjoying D.C. becomes impossible.
- Make friends with people in Virginia: We hear it's lovely in Virginia -- that the taxes are lower, the condos are empty and that this fabled land on the other side of the Potomac is even home to a few good restaurants.
- Take advantage of young professional discounts: In six months, the city will be infested with interns who'll get discounts to restaurants and shows, for being able to build pyramids out of staples. But many theaters recognize that a slave labor class lives in D.C. year 'round -- young professionals who, if they see enough shows and listen to enough NPR, may just become something one day. Woolly Mammoth and the Kennedy Center both offer discounted theater tickets to those under 25 and Theater J offers discounts for those 35 and under.
- Go on a burger, craft beer, and cupcake binge: You have 365 days to eat burgers fromBGR, Ray's Hell Burger, Shake Shack, Flip Burger, Go Burger, and Palena; to wash them down with craft beer from Pizzeria Paradiso, Granville Moors, Black Squirrel, Belga, or American Ice Co.; and then top it all off with a cupcake from Crumbs, Sprinkles or Magnolia.
- Enjoy craft cocktails: Because our not-at-all-dry-city is not feeling the recession at all, there’s no real reason why there are speakeasies in D.C., but there are, so yay! In 2011, try a booze-y cocktail from the Gibson, Columbia Room, or PX in Alexandria. Not much distinguishes a speakeasy from some of the city's finer watering holes, other than their eclectic rules and lack of marked front door, so you can always get your expensive whiskey fix at a bar like Zola, Poste, or Fruit Bat.
- Attend an event:As a pit stop on their way to New York, literary people, comedians, and other famous characters often host talks/shows/massive orgies at one of D.C.'s many socialist gathering spaces like Politics and Prose, Sixth and I, or Busboys and Poets. Maybe in 2011 you will take advantage of this?