Man In Dumb Hat Thinks He's Gonna 'Shame' All The Gays, Abortion-Havers And Muslims
It is once again time to check in with our old friend, "Coach" Dave Daubenmire! For the uninitiated, "Coach" Dave used to be an actual high school football coach, until the ACLU filed a lawsuit against him for forcing his players to pray with him before games and he got fired. Now he just goes on YouTube in front of a fake football field green screen and yells at Rachel Maddow for not sexing up men and blames hurricanes on lesbian ex-mayors.
But from June 14-17, "Coach" Dave plans to do more than just yell on the YouTube -- he is taking his act on the road for an "All Hands On Deck" whirlwind tour of Ohio, for to shame all the gays, abortion-havers and Muslims in the state. And he hopes you'll join him!
Yes, for just 30 American Dollars per person, you too can join the "Coach" for three days of berating complete and total strangers throughout the lovely state of Ohio -- from a mosque, to an abortion clinic to the Columbus, Ohio, pride parade, which he calls the second largest in the nation, when in reality it is just the second largest in the Midwest, DOY DOY DOY. Anyway, he's correct that Columbus Pride is huge. And oh, the fun you will have there! And in case you are concerned you might not have the right attire for such an event, cross hats like the one the "Coach" wears and "Truth Sound Like Hate" t-shirts will be available for $25 per set.
The purpose of this tour, the "Coach" explained on his "Pass The Salt" webcast Monday morning, is to "shame" all of these people so they decide to accept Jesus Christ as their personal savior:
"I think shame is a good thing," he said. "Same breaks you down. Shame drives you to your knees. Shame lets you know that you need a savior."
"What do you mean, 'Why do you make them feel ashamed?'" he added. "They're going to go kill their baby! Don't make them ashamed? What!"
"These dudes at the gay pride parade, prancing up and down the streets" Daubenmire continued, "do you know that those men doing that put their penises in the rectum of other men? Do you know that? Do you know that's what they do? And you think that's normal and you think that's okay and you think the Lord is okay with it? Coach, don't shame 'em? They're proud of it!"
I swear to god, this almost makes me feel a little bad for the little hate monger. Like, he actually thinks that he has the power to make anyone feel shame. As if anyone is gonna look at him in his dumb little hat and his sad little t-shirt, screaming his little heart out on the side of the street and go "Oh boy, I sure do care what that dude thinks of me!"
Someone should probably tell him...
See, the thing "Coach" Dave and his band of merry losers don't get -- the thing a lot of these creeps on the Right don't get -- is that a key component of shame is other people caring what you think. You can ring your little bell and yell "Shame! Shame! Shame!" at people all day long, but if those people are not at all invested in your opinion of them and are not actually ashamed of what they are doing, it's not going to work out for you. You can't actually "shame" anyone without their permission. It is actually quite pathetic that he thinks he has the social power required to shame anyone into doing anything.
So you know what? I wish the "Coach" the best of luck with his little field trip. I'm sure all the people he intends to "shame" will have a grand old time laughing their asses off at them.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse