Welp, it happened again. On Friday, Internet Dot Com worked itself into a frenzy waiting for Robert Mueller's office to file the sentencing memo for Paul Manafort in DC, to go on top of the very harsh sentencing memo they filed in the Eastern District of Virginia (EDVA). Many people were thinking it might be one of those speaking documents Mueller likes so much, and that it would tell us a hell of a story about what Mueller knows about Manafort re: NO COLLUSION.


The damn thing is 800 pages long, of course, but the great majority of that is supporting exhibits to the main event, which is only 25 pages long. And there's not a ton of new information in there -- and still a lot of redactions -- probably because A) Mueller isn't ready to reveal the full Trump-Russia-Manafort conspiracy narrative yet, which we're just guessin' has something to do with Manafort's RUSSIAN SPY FRIEND Konstantin Kilimnik, and B) ONCE AGAIN HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES ARE WE GOING TO DO THIS, we just spent an entire week listening to media reports that said the Mueller investigation is over and he's gonna give his report to Attorney General Bill Barr this week, until finally on Friday, there was breaking news about that, and the breaking news was "Oops, we did it again."

Wonkette is prepared to make the following guarantee, one that we've been making for months now, and it is that the Mueller investigation will be over when it is good and damned over, and not a second before. Also, Beltway journalists really need to get better sourcing when it comes to reporting on what Robert Mueller is and is not going to do next.

Regardless, what struck us about this latest Manafort sentencing memo was just how little Mueller thinks of the Russian agent who ran President Russian Agent's campaign. The sentencing recommendations for Manafort's crimes in DC are between 17 and 22 years, on top of the 19 and a half to 24 and a half years he recommends at EDVA. Regardless of whether or not Manafort's sentence from DC runs concurrently with his EDVA sentence, he's probably going to die in prison. (Or maybe Trump can pardon Manafort for his federal crimes and Manafort can die in prison while serving time for state crimes! He is so fucked.)

When we talk about Mueller really hating Manafort, we don't mean it in a personal way, of course. Once Manafort is LOCK HER UPPED forever, we doubt Mueller will spare even an occasional thought for him. It's more that Mueller is a by-the-book prosecutor who really really really can't stand career criminals like Paul Manafort, and this is how he throws the book at them:

Here's that full quote:

Based on his relevant sentencing conduct, Manafort presents many aggravating sentencing factors and no warranted mitigating factors. Manafort committed an array of felonies for over a decade, up through the fall of 2018. Manafort chose repeatedly and knowingly to violate the law -- whether the laws proscribed garden-variety crimes such as tax fraud, money laundering, obstruction of justice, and bank fraud, more more esoteric laws that he nevertheless was intimately familiar with, such as the Foreign Agents Registration Act (FARA). His criminal actions were bold, some of which were committed while under a spotlight due to his work as the campaign chairman and, later, while he was on bail from this Court. And the crimes he engaged in while on bail were not minor; they went to the heart of the criminal justice system, namely, tampering with witnesses so he would not be held accountable for his crimes. Even after he purportedly agreed to cooperate with the government in September 2018, Manafort, as this court found, lied to the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), this office, and the grand jury. His deceit, which is a fundamental component of the crimes of conviction and relevant conduct, extended to tax preparers, bookkeepers, banks, the Treasury Department, the Department of Justice National Security Division, the FBI, the Special Counsel's office, the grand jury, his own legal counsel, Members of Congress, and members of the executive branch of the United States government. In sum, upon release from jail, Manafort presents a grave risk of recidivism. Specific deterrence is thus at its height, as is general deterrence of those who would engage in comparable concerted criminal conduct.

TL;DR -- Would you just look at this fucker right here, thinks he can commit ALL THE CRIMES every day of his life and get away with it, and then lie to literally everybody he comes across INCLUDING HIS OWN LAWYERS? Lock him up! Throw away the key, and do not let him out until such time as we can be certain he will not return to a life of crime, by which we mean when he is a dead body. ALSO TOO, MAY HE STUB HIS BIG TOE IN JAIL ALL THE TIME!

The document just keeps going like that, noting that Manafort does crimes "repeatedly and brazenly" and that even after he was indicted, his crime spree "remarkably went unabated." Donald Trump says he surrounds himself with the best people, and we guess that's true if your idea of "best" is a mobbed up foreign agent who never ever plays hooky from being a criminal. That's the kind of dedication Donald Trump appreciates!

Manafort will be sentenced in Virginia on March 8 and in DC on March 13. Mark both dates on your calendars as "LOL DAY!"

[Talking Points Memo]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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