Manhattan DA Cyrus Vance Convenes Grand Jury To Chitchat About President Crime Spree

Cue the Jaws music. The Washington Post got the scoop that Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance has convened a grand jury to get to the bottom of all of Donald Trump's nasty, dirty criming. For the next six months, a team of New Yorkers will wade through the sleaze to see if the allegations about rampant tax and mortgage fuckery are true. Vance has got Trump's tax returns, he's putting the screws to longtime Trump Organization CFO Allen Weisselberg, and he appears to think he has evidence of crimes to support an indictment.


After four years of breathlessly waiting for Robert Mueller to swoop in and save us, we finally managed to save ourselves at the ballot box. Good job, us! And if Vance wants to take down Trump as his last act before retiring, we say "Good job, Vance!" But we resist trotting out the "Vance Comin'" memes because we are a sadder but wiser girl these days, and anyway Vance is no one's idea of a hero. Remember when he rushed out to theatrically indict Paul Manafort the same day he got sentenced in DC? Remember when those charges fell apart?

With that caveat, let's drink a big old cup of conservative tears as Trumpland wakes up to the news that the Dear Leader and his filthy spawn may finally be facing a modicum of what's coming to them.

Politico reports that there's a "cloud of nerves" hanging over the former president's retinue because they know Weisselberg has the power to bury them all.

"I think the Weisselberg involvement and the wild card of that makes the particular situation more real, because there's no sort of fluff and made-up fictional circumstances around the guy," an advisor told the Playbook crew. "The fact that they're dealing with a numbers guy who just has plain details makes people more nervous. This is not a Michael Cohen situation."

Michael Cohen may have brought prosecutors to the door with his testimony about hinky mortgage applications and inflated appraisals to maximize tax deductions, not to mention those checks which appear to show the Trump Organization hiding the Stormy Daniels payoff on its books, but Cohen was mostly a bullshitter. If there are bodies buried in the Trump books, the guy who can dig them up and explain how they got there is Weisselberg. And we don't know why his former daughter-in-law is so angry at him that she's willing to risk possible jail time for her children's father, but she seems ready and willing to tell Vance all about a tax avoidance scheme to compensate her ex-husband off the books, and that's a fair amount of leverage for Vance to wield against the guy who's been doing the Trump accounts for four decades.

Naturally the former president is handling the situation with his usual grace and aplomb.

"This is a continuation of the greatest Witch Hunt in American history," he ranted on his crappy blog. "It began the day I came down the escalator in Trump Tower, and it's never stopped. They wasted two years and $48 million in taxpayer dollars on Mueller and Russia Russia Russia, Impeachment Hoax #1, Impeachment Hoax #2, and it continues to this day, with illegally leaked confidential information."

Well, we hate to agree with that disgusting old goat, but on that last bit, he's totally right. Prosecutors should not be leaking, and particularly not about grand juries. The rest of it is the same old bullshit, though. And the whining about "a poll came out indicating I'm far in the lead for the Republican Presidential Primary and the General Election in 2024," trying to connect a years-long investigation to some bullshit poll released yesterday is some wishful thinking.

Trump finishes by promising "to keep on fighting like I have been for the last five years!" To which we say, God Bless, Poppy! If you want to help Democrats keep control of the House, Senate, and White House, have at it.

And if Vance wants to finally, finally put the cuffs on the guy who cost this country so much, he's got our blessing.

[WaPo / Politico / Trump blog]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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