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The real story of this week isn't the Mueller report, because nobody has actually seen the Mueller report, save for Bill Barr, and there's zero reason to trust a guy Donald Trump hired for the express purpose of covering up his crimes. No, the real story is watching Trump-fellating simpletons (and the president himself) just immediately overplay their hand, in light of their victory that is not actually a victory.

Hello, Marc Thiessen! You are the next contestant on "Step On My Dick And Eat It: The Gameshow Where Trump Idiots Eat Their Own Recently Stepped-On Dicks!"


OH MY GOD, LOL, WTF.

Pardon us for laughing so hard we pee a little bit, like a Muscovian Pee Hooker who heard a very jolly joke just before she went to perform for the owner of the Miss Universe Pageant, ALLEGEDLY!

Let's go to the legal experts. Is this a thing? Can Trump do that? Or is Marc Thiessen the latest winner of the Step On Dick Show?

Legal Twitter is dripping with disdain right now, and it is spectacular.

(The "Gang of Eight" includes the leadership of the House and Senate, plus the intel committees. In other words, Schiff and Warner are the last people Trump could deny classified information to.)

Now, is Marc Thiessen anybody? LOL, no, he is literally nobody. But he is a Fox News contributor, and President Grandpa The Clown does get his security briefings from Fox News, because he's a conspiracy theorist who is also the stupidest person who ever was born. Thiessen has been on the internet arguing -- in the Washington Post, no less, because he inexplicably writes there -- that if you still believe there was collusion, then you are the one helping the Russians. Thiessen made this assessment by reading the Bill Barr letter and immediately failing to comprehend any of its words, apparently. And he's been co-signing the Trump campaign's little pissfucker authoritarian memo to the media, demanding networks stop booking people who have said "Russia" too much, because didn't you hear that NO COLLUSION? It's funny, since zero people saying NO COLLUSION have actually seen the report. (Bill Barr didn't even say NO COLLUSION.) Finally, Thiessen has just been super mad at Adam Schiff on Twitter, for continuing to state the obvious, which is that there was obvious collusion, and we all know about it.

Perhaps Thiessen would like to watch this video of Schiff from this morning, listing all the collusion and coordination things the Trump campaign did with the Russians -- that we know about -- and driving home the point that if you think that shit is OK, you have serious moral and patriotic deficiencies.

Or perhaps Thiessen would like to take his own advice and wait for the report, since he doesn't have the report, though he may be very stupid and think he has the report:

Look at the date and timestamp on that tweet.

Our point is that Marc Thiessen is a fucking clown.

This #HotTake, which clearly involved Thiessen doing absolutely zero research, that BIG MAN TRUMP should "look at withdrawing security clearances" from members of Congress, two of whom are in the Gang of Eight, is weapons-grade stupid. He's saying Trump should "look into" something Trump doesn't have the authority to "look into," and even if he did, those guys don't even have traditional security clearances, and also too besides, Congress is a CO-EQUAL BRANCH OF THE FUCKING GOVERNMENT, ACCORDING TO THE CONSTITUTION, SO FUCK YOURSELF, ASSHOLE.

This is just par for the course for this week of Trump and his minions prematurely ejaculating victory all over Washington and immediately overplaying their hand. (While also mysteriously starting to advocate against releasing the full Mueller report, because pretty obvious why.) Let's murder healthcare and the Special Olympics! Let's have the president tweet for House Intel Committee chair Adam Schiff to resign! Let's have all the Republicans on the committee DEMAND that Schiff resign, because he is very mean and says obvious facts about Trump and Russia too much, which is that there was absolutely collusion and coordination between Trump people and Russians, regardless of whether Robert Mueller determined that it either rose to the level of criminality or was able to prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt.

And now let's have this dipshit Marc Thiessen.

Oh, and even better, let's have this dipshit say Trump should do this because -- get this -- those guys told lies. That's right, the lyingest motherfucker trashbag ever to stink up the White House should look into those guys because they told lies. (That aren't actually lies.)

Did we say go fuck yourself in this post already? Might as well say it again!

Or we can just let Eric Swalwell say it.

Marc Thiessen will serve as the reigning champion of the Trump Idiots Gnawing On Their Own Dicks, Which They Recently Stepped On gameshow until some Trump idiot (or the president himself!) out-stupids him.

In other words, give it an hour.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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