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You've probably seen at least one of the many movies or TV shows where a group of young jerks tries to oust a perfectly qualified executive just because they're old. Democrats Seth Moulton, Tim Ryan, and some other goofy white boys are apparently too stupid to understand they're the heavies in this flick. Now we've entered the climax of the story where they meet their much-deserved comeuppance.

The #FiveWhiteGuys have tried for no reason to block Nancy Pelosi from a return engagement as speaker of the House. Pelosi just led House Democrats to their greatest electoral victory since Watergate, but because Pelosi has been able to vote since Watergate, these fools thought it was time for her to step down and let white men run things for a change. Sensitive to the optics of replacing the first woman speaker, Ryan stressed that there were some other "really competent females" (no, really) who could do the job. So, they flipped through their binder filled with "competent females" and came up with the competent-est one, Marcia Fudge from Ohio's 11th district. Fudge is not just "really competent" but she's younger and blacker than Pelosi.

Now, Marcia Fudge was never going to be speaker, because no one's ever heard of her. Not me. Not you. Not even members of the sister's own household. I bet Fudge was reading the news and thinking, "Who the hell is this Marcia Fudge people say is gonna challenge Nancy Pelosi? She'd have to be crazy."

But Fudge also made some good points that Democratic leadership was really white and didn't fully reflect the voters who put Democrats in power. Black women in particular are the most prominent and reliable Democratic voting bloc.


"When you look at the people who support this party the most, they are women and African Americans and especially African American women," said Fudge. "We keep talking about diversity, but there is nothing diverse about the top of our ticket. We have to not just talk the talk, but walk the walk."

Of course, you'd have to be snorting crystal meth with a cocaine chaser to believe the #FiveWhiteGuys are serious advocates of increased diversity in Democratic leadership or that they'd really go to all this trouble just to hand the speaker's gavel to a black woman. It was all a chess move and Pelosi checkmated them all over the damn place. Her response to a Fudge challenge? "Come on in, the water's warm." Yeah, honey, don't go near that water. It's scorching. Move forward and you'll end up with burnt Fudge.

Pelosi met with Fudge last Friday and cut to business. She straight-up asked what it would take for Fudge to stop running around with those silly boys and back her for speaker. Fudge wanted to know if Pelosi had succession plans, and of course she did because Pelosi is all about plans. But the meeting was still effective. Fudge started to waver. She believed she was qualified but the job had a lot of responsibility, probably more than being a House representative you just heard about a week ago.

"It's a lot to travel every single weekend. It's a lot to do all the fundraising," [Fudge] said. "It's a lot to juggle all of the things that our caucus, which is more diverse now and bigger, is going to need."

Yeah, you know who was doing all that like a boss? Nancy Flippin' Pelosi. Things took a further turn last week when Lance Mason, a former Cuyahoga County, Ohio, judge and ongoing asshole, was accused of fatally stabbing his former wife, Aisha Fraser. Fudge had written a letter supporting Mason prior to his 2015 sentencing for a domestic violence conviction. Mason had pleaded guilty to brutally beating Fraser, the woman he'd later kill.

"Lance accepts full responsibility for his actions and has assured me that something like this will never happen again," Fudge wrote. "[He] is a good man who made a very bad mistake."

So, yeah, bad call. Really bad call.

This is just a taste of the heat and scrutiny a future speaker would face. But even without the Mason incident, Fudge was never a true threat. The Congressional Black Caucus, of which Fudge is a member, still rallied behind Pelosi, and chief lady in charge clamped down support from the progressive wing of the party, including many incoming freshman members. It's not surprising that Fudge dropped her speaker bid Tuesday and formally backed Pelosi, who in turn announced she was naming Fudge the incoming chair of a new elections subcommittee that will focus on voting rights access. This is necessary and important work because Republicans are crooks.

It's sadly typical: Pelosi had to reapply for the job she's proven she can do by demonstrating to clueless morons how well she does it. Meanwhile, the folks who signed the #FiveWhiteGuy's much-storied letter opposing Pelosi are starting to see the writing on the wall of Nancy's House. Rep. Brian Higgins is the latest to fold.

Seems like all Moulton and his fellow tools have to show for their efforts is a future consisting of women telling them how much they suck. And that's something we can all feel thankful for when digging into the turkey tomorrow.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Seattle. However, he's more reliable for food and drink recommendations in Portland, where he spends a lot of time for theatre work. His co-adaptation of "Jitterbug Perfume" by Tom Robbins is playing NOW at Pioneer Square's Cafe Nordo. All Wonketters welcome.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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