Marco Rubio Finished Doing Things Now, Ready To Catch Some ZZZ's For Rest Of Life

Little Marco Rubio, having failed spectacularly at the Republican primary and life in general, came back to the Senate Thursday:

We're going to give you a moment to digest that picture fully.

You ready?

[contextly_sidebar id="aWCIilKXUUkoWm4gRg0jwc6cnOoBRhoV"]OK. So he came back to the Senate, but he was apparently just there to pick up the spare Fuck Me Like The Little Magic Elf I Am shoes he keeps in his Senate office, because he's got places to be (home in bed all the way under the covers with his butt in the air screaming "I don't wanna!"). Things to do? Not so much.

In an interview on Capitol Hill, Rubio was asked if he would like to be Ted Cruz's vice president:

I'm not gonna be anybody's vice president. I'm not, I'm just not gon', I don't want, I'm not interested in being vice president. I don't mean that in a disrespectful way. I'm not gonna be vice president.

OK, Little Marco. Nobody asked you, for one thing, but if you don't want to go to vice president camp to learn how to be the vice president, nobody is going to force you.

This is Little Marco's "No Wanna Be VP" face:

Anything else, puddin'?

I'm not running for governor of Florida...

OK. Here's Rubio's Don't Wanna Do Governor face:

What else, precious?

I'm gonna finish out my term in the Senate over the next 10 months. We're gonna work really hard here and we have some things we wanna achieve. And then I'll be a private citizen in January!

Considering how often he likes to show up for Achieving Things in the Senate, the next 10 months should be a breeze!

Here is Rubio's "private citizen" face for when he's done with all the haaaaaaaaard work he's going to be doing the rest of this year:

There's that smile!

OK darlin', one last chance before we go, do you have any desire to do anything else? Do you even want to wipe your own ass? Are you suuuuuuure you don't want to stay in the Senate, where at least people care whether you live or die?

No, no, I'm not running for reelection to the Senate.

Well! Guess that means we're never going to see Little Marco ever again, awwwwww.

[contextly_sidebar id="8nJ3k9TMvhdCzDLaesXQRzF3twsnZD7A"]Go back to Florida, sweetheart. Put some of that electronic dance music on that you love so much, you know the kind that's super gay that you say you like because it doesn't have cusses in it. Don't worry about getting another job you'll never show up for anyway. Get Jeanette to make you a cosmo and send the poolboy in to rub your appendages. It's all going to be OK.


Goodnight, Marco.


[Mediaite / Marco snoozing pic via here]


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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