Marco Rubio: Shame About Terrorist Attacks In Paris, At Least It's Good News For Me!

Sorry, Paris, BUT ...

Who couldn't use a little pick-me-up nice time news right about now? Oh, everyone? Great! Here is Sen. Marco Rubio, to cheer you up, with his glass-half-full perspective on the terrorist attacks in Paris earlier this month:

Let me just say, I obviously am not happy about the events that happened last week in Paris, but I think it's a positive development that it suddenly has cast — forced Americans to confront more carefully the issue of national security. Because it is the most important thing a president will do, and it is the most important function of the federal government. And I hope that we focus on that more, not just for political advantage, but because the world has become a very dangerous place.

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Sure, if you want to be all Debbie Downer about it, you could focus on the 130 people who died, and the hundreds more who were injured. But on the plus side, it's great news for Marco Rubio, and not just because it allows him to strut around pretending like he is some kind of foreign policy expert, with a winning plan to defeat The Terrorists. It's also given the entire Republican presidential field, and Congress, an opportunity to encourage all-out xenophobic mass hysteria, so the nation will turn to, say, Marco Rubio to keep it safe. What an upside for America! And what was Rubio's plan again?

When I am president, what I will do to defeat ISIL is very simple: whatever it takes.

Oh right, that plan. Rubio's recently released, very detailed strategy to kick some terrorist buttocks, based, no doubt, on what Fox News head-bobbler Chris Wallace called -- without even cracking a sarcastic smile or anything! -- Rubio's "foreign policy credentials."

And those credentials are what again? Oh right a second time, Rubio's almostfive whole years on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, where he supposedly picks up his brilliant foreign policy know-how. When he bothers to show up for briefings, that is. Bummer, man, that those briefings tend to conflict with his presidential campaign schedule, though. But like he has said repeatedly, he doesn't "hate" the Senate, he just sort of ... well, he hates the Senate. And he's over it. And that's why he's not interested in showing up for work at the Senate, where his job is, anymore. Not for votes, and not for classified briefings on, say, the terrorist attacks in Paris.

Maybe if he had skipped the California fundraiser last week and instead attended his committee's closed-door briefing on “The Aftermath of Paris: America’s Role,” he might not be so quick to tout the "political advantage" of a terrible terrorist attack, because at least there's a "but" for Marco Rubio. Obviously.


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