Maria Bartiromo Pretty Sure Russia/Ukraine Standoff Just Biden's Way Of Distracting From Hillary's Crimes

Remember, it can and always will get dumber.

We guess Fox News has no choice at this point but to double down and keep pretending that a boring and confused filing from boring and confused special counsel John Durham is TEH SMOKING GUN!!1! that proved Hillary Clinton infiltrated the Trump campaign with night vision goggles as part of a nefarious plan to steal the 2016 election from herself so that Hugo Chavez's ghost could steal the 2020 election from Donald Trump for Joe Biden. They're going so hard.

Wanna read the dumbest op-ed ever written on Fox News's website, so naturally it's by Jonathan Turley? It manufactures a fantastical make-believe world where the real media is hiding from Durham's "revelations." This is next-level, DSM-V "my imaginary friend is not my real dad and I don't have to do what he says" shit.

And it's a science fact that whenever things get dumber, there you will find Maria Bartiromo, making that face she makes. Bartiromo is just prettttttty sure that at least some part of Russia's standoff with Ukraine, or the Biden administration's reaction to it, is Biden's way of trying to distract from TEH DURHAM SMOKING GUN!

Stop laughing, very smart old white people are going to cancel their subscription if you don't take this seriously.

MARIA BARTIROMO: Yeah. I think you make such a great point. $365 billion dollars a year in oil and he's going to go invade and put that in jeopardy. I totally agree. And that's what some congressmen were telling me over the weekend which is why I questioned whether or not the whole thing was a ruse with Jake Sullivan coming out so hysterical over the weekend, telling us to get out of Ukraine and that Russia is going to invade today. Obviously, in retrospect, he was trying to change the conversation from Hillary Clinton and her bad behavior and her dirty tricks against Donald Trump.


The Fox News guest in that segment, some jackhole named John Catsimatidis, agreed that "Putin was never going to invade. Putin was never going to invade." He continued:

CATSIMATIDIS: I've said that President Biden needs a war and Putin was afraid that President Biden was going something stupider. And that's why he withdrew the troops because President Biden needs a war. Have you watched the movie Wag The Dog? That's what it's all about. If he starts a war and it takes inflation off the front page of The New York Times, and it takes prices off the — and it takes Mexico off.

And then Maria Bartiromo made it stupider again, like there is a secret puppetmaster above her who is always getting double-dog-dared to make her stupider:

BARTIROMO: Yeah, yeah, and it takes — that's right. It takes off the front page inflation, it also takes off the front page Hillary Clinton and Jake Sullivan pushing the Russia collusion hoax for so many years.

That was never on the front page, Maria. It was your imaginaaaaaaaation.

But Bartiromo has been huffing this as hard or harder than the night-time Fox News talent. She's breathlessly running chyrons about how HILLARY CAMPAIGN SPIED ON SITTING PRESZNIT and 66 PERCENT OF DEMOCRATS WANT HILLARY 'VESTIGATED! She's touting the results of a clownworld poll with self-evidently stupid methodology being flogged by the likes of One America News:

Eric Kleefeld at Media Matters has a nice roundup of Bartiromo's recent attempts to make this story happen, which puts it in context with Bartiromo's long, mouthbreathing obsession with the notion that Hillary Clinton has been framing Trump for years.

She really thinks she's on to something with this whole "White House is pushing RUSSIA to war with UKRAINE in order to distract from what DURHAM is revealing about HILLARYy!11!!!!!!!1!1111ONE!1!!!!EXCLAMATION11!!!" thing.

She has [...] been pushing this new angle about Ukraine for days, rhetorically asking if the White House was preemptively “trying to create all of this drama because we were getting this Durham information.” She reiterated that “for several years I have been saying Hillary Clinton made the whole thing up and infiltrated Donald Trump and really damaged his reputation.”

That was Bartiromo on Sunday. She literally actually said:

By the way, I have to tell you, all weekend long the White House leakers have been running around saying that Putin is going to invade Ukraine this Wednesday. So, is it all a ruse that they are really going to invade this Wednesday or are they trying to create all of this drama because we were getting this Durham information and we just saw 40 year highs on inflation?

Yesterday morning, in the presence of retired Marine Corps Maj. Gen. Arnold Punaro, who Kleefeld explains is a real-live defense policy guy who was there to say real-live important things about what was happening with Russia and Ukraine, Bartiromo said:

Bartiromo argued that the U.S. State Department “may also be playing us,” by exaggerating the threat posed by the Russian military “to take the conversation away from Hillary Clinton.

Y'all, she said all this with her mouth, out loud, where people could hear.

She took Russia's statements that it was pulling back some troops, and the Biden administration's response that they haven't seen any evidence of that, as proof that they're still just tryin' to distract us from Hillary:

“Well, they are looking to stick to their story after [White House national security adviser] Jake Sullivan told us to leave Ukraine immediately, that an invasion would happen today, as a way to change the conversation of Hillary Clinton’s bad behavior.”

Moments later, she added that “changing the subject from Hillary Clinton’s blockbuster attempted entrapment was the name of the story over the weekend from Jake Sullivan — who, by the way, was the person peddling the collusion lie for so many years. The people who abuse power are now back in power.”

With her own mouth.

If there is anybody in Maria Bartiromo's family who cares about whether her brain is functioning correctly or if she's seriously fucking losing it, today might be a good day to call and say hi and ask how many fingers you're holding up.

[Media Matters / ibid. / Mediaite]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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